Monthly Archives: December 2010

goodbye for now……see you in 2011

Goonerdaily will be suspended till 1st January 2011

†нє reason for this is simple……eMpTy heN

†нє telecom giants have a very very poor reception in my present location

Okposi, Ebonyi State…..9ja

God willing i’ll be in Lagos on †нє 31st of this month.

Thank you for reading my blog.

Have a Merry Christmas and a prosperous New Year

Sayonara

†нє Red Striped Rugby Boys visit †нє Emirates: “Top of †нє League” chants…..anyone?

Its Saturday and †нє games are coming as fast as ever.

†нє BarcAlien invasion will not take place till February 2011 so †нє theme of today’s game is FOCUS.

Before talking about today’s home tie with †нє Red Striped Rugby boys, Our very own “Clark Kent”, Cesc “El Capitan” Fabregas talked about †нє draw with †нє BarcAliens. He said that they were not “unbeatable”. He also said that if they weren’t they should have been winning †нє Champions League every year. He ended it all by saying that to win †нє Champions League, you need to beat ANYONE and EVERYONE.

Now that’s SuperMan talking. He could take all †нє BarcAliens all on his own but he still needs his anti-alien squad. I wouldn’t blame him for talking like that. He also came from Krypton then decided to settle in Mother Earth. We †нє Earthlings welcomed him with open arms. We all saw his exploits last season….19 goals and a cult hero status. His cameo against †нє Villans can never be forgotten. He also proved that he was a “Man of Steel” when his leg was broken against †нє BarcAliens but he chose to stay on †нє pitch.

El Capitan is one player whose departure from Arsenal will make me go berserk. Tony Adams became captain at 21 and led †нє club almost 2 decades….i pray El Capitan follows suit.

Judging by Monday’s dead performance against †нє Red Hell Owners, it is obvious that changes must be made to our squad for today’s encounter.

Lukasz “Flyin Fabbi” Fabianski is still not fit so his new deputy Wojciech “Szszszsz” Szszceny will continue in goal. As good as Szszsz feels he is, i would prefer Flyin Fabbi for our Boxing day clash with †нє Cashlings so Colin Lewin….step your game up. †нє only change i would like to see in our defense should be †нє inclusion of Johan “Injourou” Djourou. †нє Red Striped Rugby boys use a direct style of play so Injourou’s presence will be highly needed in †нє heart of our defense. I feel †нє aging Sebastien “Squisha” Squilacci should be rested for today’s game. He has steadied †нє defensive ship since his arrival from Sevilla. He should leave this game for †нє exuberant young lads. His experience would be needed against †нє Drog Man so it would do him a whole lot good if he sits on †нє bench today. In †нє midfield, i expect El Capitan to come back into †нє squad to replace Tomas “Banana Lomo” Rosicky. Alexandre “Sabinus” Song has to get his act right today and do his bloody job which is protecting †нє back four. He already has 4 goals to his name, that’s 2 goals more than †нє goals his fellow holding midfielder, Mikel “LSC” Obi has scored in his entire career. †нє attack needs two major changes with †нє inclusion of Theo “Wal Kuint” Walcott and Robin “glassboned” van Persie for Andrei “Hotty” Arshavin and Marouane “ChiAmaka” Chamakh. ChiAmaka needs to get some rest while Hotty needs to be on †нє bench to reflect on his form. Maybe he needs to be watching †нє game from †нє dugout so that he will know what his mission is when AW requires his services. Congratulations for Nicklas “Wald Bezt” Bendtner for being a father at 22. He might probably have grandkids before his football career finishes. I expect him miss out of this match and be with his Baroness.

My expected lineup should be

Szszsz
Flash-Kos100%tackle-Injourou-Timaya
Sabinus-El Capitan-Whizkhid
El-Rufai-glassboned vP-Wal Kuint

You don’t need a soothsayer to tell you about †нє Red Striped Rugby boys special weapon, Rory “SpringHands” Delap. There are tales that he wears a special type of jersey that has an “in-built” towel. That’s his problem. I know that our ballboys and ballgirls will give him only one thing…..†нє BALL.
We also have to be wary about †нє wingers, Matty Etherington and Jermaine “JohnLegend” Pennant. They are good crossers of †нє ball so our fullbacks have to be active.

History is on our side in this fixture. Their last five meeting to our home ground has resulted in 16 goals conceded and 2 goals scored. Their last goal was Ricardo “GanjaMan” Fuller’s penalty on †нє last day of †нє 2008/09 season. It also spoilt Vito “Don Vittorio” Mannone’s debut.

Heard he’s having a blast with †нє Big Ass PussyCats….good luck to him

Enjoy †нє game wherever you are.

3 points would see us leapfrog †нє Red Hell Owners for 24 hours at least.

“Top of †нє League chants”…anyone?

Sayonara

Red Striped Rugby boys preview and…….†нє Champions League draw!

I said that i was not going to write today’s blog post until after †нє Champions League draw was over.
I sat my ass down in my parlour, got some Teatime assorted biscuits, hot beverage (Milo) and tuned to SuperSport Blitz on channel 200.
†нє arseholes on suit did their rubbish and started unveiling †нє clubs that will have post-Valentine’s day dates together.

Group H winners Shakhtar found out that their first date is in Stadio Olimpico while AS Roma visit †нє Doblas Arena in early March. I sighed and screamed,”Next draw Bitches”. †нє next draw cracked me up a bit. †нє “Free-scoring” and “free-conceding” Twitch FC are going to get ready to be overawed in †нє 82955 seater Giusseppe Meazza (San Siro) stadium in Italy. Let’s see whether †нє World’s best left footed Chimpanzee will do †нє “a la Maicon” on AC Milan’s rightback. Now that every goal scored or conceded is absolutely vital, let’s see how they’ll fare. Valencia’s reward for finishing next to †нє Red Hell Owners was †нє draw i prayed for. A trip to †нє Veltins Arena in Gelsenkirchen to play Schalke 04. That draw made a biscuit feel sour in my mouth. I started consoling myself that hosting †нє Bavarians won’t be a bad idea. I was horribly wrong. †нє cunthounds at UEFA decided that they wanted to watch last season’s Champions League final over two legs. Internazionale vs Bayern Munchen. I have a slight feeling that Count Rafa might not be at †нє helm of affairs on that day. German beer drinking hopes shattered in seconds left Arsenal FC with only 2 clubs to face, La Liga’s top 2. †нє cunthounds in †нє mood of repeating last season’s encounters and they paired an exact Round of 16 fixture of last season. Olympique Lyonnais vs Real Madrid. I wouldn’t mind another deja vu. That only meant that we were going to host †нє “Juggernauts of Modern Football”…FC BarcAliens. I stopped eating my mini-meal because †нє speed at which i lost my appetite was faster than Usain Bolt. †нє regular P.D.P. football clubs of England, †нє Red Hell Owners and †нє Cashlings got Marseille and Copenhagen. Check that out, Marseille and Copenhagen.

BarcAliens! BarcAliens!! BarcAliens!!! “Mes que en Club”……you got that right, Barca is more than a club….they have players that came from all over †нє Galaxy. Andres “WhiteZombie” Iniesta and Xavi “Suru” Hernandez came from Krypton along with SuperMan when †нє planet was about going into oblivion. Dani Alves’ head is shaped like that planet Saturn without †нє rings. David son of Villa scores as much goals as †нє Sun’s rays hits †нє Ozone Layer and Lionel “Little Wizard” Messi owns his own planet….he just came to invade our Mother Earth. He has scored over 150 goals for Barca at †нє tender age of 23. He has also scored 12 goals in his last 12 Champions League games.

If these 5 players come to †нє Emirates, we have to put up an Earth-saving performance because right now, we are Earth’s last hope from †нє BarcAlien invasion. Put them out of †нє BarcAlien equation, they won’t be that scary. There are 2 main ways to take out †нє BarcAliens……its either we put up a performance that †нє future of Earth depends on or go to †нє Cashlings and ask Didier “†нє Drog Man” Drogba and Salomon “MoHawk” Kalou for †нє Ivory Coast formula they used to render Andriy Sheva and Aunty Pizza useless.

We won’t play †нє BarcAliens till after Valentine’s day so we must move all focus to tomorrow’s game against †нє Red Striped Rugby boys.

Their fucktard of a coach, Tony Pubiz has made some comments of our newly found dirtiness and he also said that AW is “under pressure”. Arsenal has received a considerable amount of red cards this season but no legs have been broken. Laurent “Kos100%tackle” Koscielny’s 2 red cards this season has been a result of 2 bookable offences in his debut against Count Hodgson’s Vampires and being †нє last man against †нє Cartoons. No legs were broken. Alexandre “Sabinus” Song’s red card against †нє Red Striped Black Pussies was for two bookable offenses. No legs were broken. Jack “Whizkhid” Wilshere’s red card against McAlbino’s Blues was for a rash lounge at BeanPole Zigic…was his broken in two places? NO! so Tony Puliz should shut †нє fuck and tell Rory “SpringHands” Delap to do what he does best but there won’t be TOWELS for him to clean †нє ball with.

A win against †нє Red Striped Rugby boys will send us back to †нє summit of Mount Premiership. That will make †нє Super Sunday encounter between †нє Cashlings and †нє Red Hell Owners mouthwatering.

I believe AW will talk to his boys about 100% focus. Team news and †нє possible lineup will be posted in tomorrow’s blog.

Like comics and movies alike, Aliens try their possible best to invade †нє Earth. Superheroes and Anti-Alien squads always repel them back to their planets.

†нє BarcAliens are no different.

†нє Cuntbutler-in-Chief of UEFA, Michel Platini has done it again.

February is still far. There’s a league to continue and a Carling Spoon semi duel to be won before †нє BarcAlien invasion.

Let’s not forget that we have †нє BarcAlien “Antidote”………Cesc “El Capitan” Fabregas….Our very own “Clark Kent”

Thank God its Friday.

U can ƒølløώ me on Twitter @pumpumphat …Just mention me…I’ll ƒølløώ back.

Sayonara

Transfer speculations, Diabytes returns and AW the Alchemist talks about tomorrow’s draw

†нє best thing about being a football fan is getting ready for each match as they come rapidly. All talk about †нє defeat against †нє Red Hell Owners have faded away rapidly and all eyes have been turned to Saturday’s encounter with †нє Red Striped Rugby boys.

When we visited them for a league encounter in February, †нє game was a very feisty affair. Their first goal came from a routine Rory “SpringHands” Delap throw. After all †нє box 18 tussle, a bloke called Puke or something like that gave them †нє lead. Nicklas “Wald Bezt” Bendtner equalized for us with a fine header. Cesc “El Capitan” Fabregas scored a penalty and Thomas “Verminator” Vermaelen scored †нє winning goal. Both goals came in †нє dying moments of †нє game. †нє match will be remembered for one main event….†нє horrific double fracture of Aaron “Rambo” Ramsey’s leg. †нє clumsy nitwit that broke his leg got a red card and continued playing his football after a 3-match ban. We went there again in †нє FA Cup and lost 3-1.
There are emerging tales that Ryan Shawcross would have “extra security” when he arrives in London. I believe that injury is a tale of †нє past because †нє man he took out of action for 9 months in now trying to gain match fitness in Nottingham Forest. †нє only frustrating thing about Rambo’s injury was that he had really improved as a player in that period and was well above Diabytes and NwaSamba Denilson in †нє midfield selection.

AW said that his team is “ready” for anybody we would face in †нє Champions League knockout phase. †нє likeliest candidates to visit †нє Emirates in February are Schalke 04, Bayern, Real Madrid and Barcelona. We have met Schalke twice in †нє Champions League. We were paired in †нє same group in †нє 2001/02 season. We beat them in Highbury and lost in Veltins Arena, Gelsenkirchen. We met Real Madrid twice, which was in our road to Paris 06′. Thierry “Igwe” Henry scored †нє solitary goal in †нє Bernabeu while we had a goalless stalemate in Highbury. Our record against Bayern isn’t that good with 1 win, 1 draw and 2 defeats in 4 meetings. I remember Igwe scoring †нє only goal in Highbury but it wasn’t enough because Aunty Pizzaro scored twice in †нє 3-1 defeat at Allianz Arena. †нє last team left to talk about is Barcelona. Our first ever meeting was in †нє Paris 06′ final. We all know what happened there. We also met twice last season and †нє memories of both games are not really delightful. Barca came to our turf and taught us how to pass †нє ball. I can remember at some point in that match, they had up to 78% possession. Manuel “Stainless Steel” Almunia gave us a 1st half we will never forget but undid himself by allowing Zlatan “Turkey” Ibrahimovic to score two goals. †нє Little Wizard Messi was quite in that game and King Henry was brought in to play against †нє club he scored 226 goals for. There was a late rally with †нє introduction of Theo “Wal Kuint” Walcott and we made it 2-2 thereby setting ourselves for a crunch match in Camp Nou. †нє squad that played in Camp Nou was very depleted with vital players in our squad missing. William “Mercenary” Gallas, Andrei “Hotty” Arshavin & Robin “glassboned” vanPersie were all missing through injury. Club captain and talisman, Cesc “El Capitan” Fabregas had a double dose of injury and suspension. We scored first through Wald Bezt then †нє Little Wizard brought out his wand and unleashed a series of spells on us. †нє game ended with †нє headline “Little Wizard 4 Arsenal 1″.
To be frank, i would love us to play with any other team except Barcelona. They play like a team from MaRz. I have never seen a team whose players have telepathic understanding with each other. Their one-twos are exquisite and they have quality oozing out in every position. I just have this very bad feeling that we’ll be paired against them. Tomorrow’s draw will tell.

Roy ”Keano” Keane labeled †нє english El Classico as rubbish. He also said that †нє match lacked “intensity”. He should shut this pile hole and should be happy that his former team won †нє match. He should make sure that his Tractor Army shows us †нє intensity when we visit Portman Road in January.

†нє media are it again. We know that Stainless Steel’s departure is imminent. †нє media have come with two spicy tales that Arsenal is willing to sell Emmanuel “Farma” Eboue for £7m with †нє likeliest destination being Stadio Olimpico in Italy, †нє home ground of AS Roma. †нє joke of †нє day however is that Real Madrid want to offer us Karim Karim in exchange for Gael “Flash” Clichy. Now that’s what is call Classic BullShit. Why on Earth will we exchange our on and off yet dependable left back for a striker that was poor enough not to make his national team’s World Cup squad. We all know that Raymond Domenech is an arsecrater but Karim Karim is young of those youngsters that were just overhyped. Him like Owen we very good in their former clubs but made a wrong career decision leaving for green pastures. If Karim Karim stayed in Lyon, we would have made †нє French World Cup squad. Mr. Jose Moaninho…..thanks but no thanks.

After a series of rehabilitation, Diabytes is back in †нє squad. There’s something about that player. On his day, he can be a joy to watch but when he decides to have a bad day at †нє office, he can put up a very putrid performance. Thank heavens he’s back because he will add to AW’s selection headache.

Wald Bezt might miss out on †нє squad playing †нє Red Striped Rugby boys because †нє Baroness of Denmark is having his baby. If he decides to be on †нє pitch, AW should start him because i know he’ll be dying to do †нє “hand rocking” celebration when he scores a goal.

More on †нє match preview tomorrow.

Here’s to tomorrow’s draw.

Please Platini, don’t give us Barca.

I heard that †нє beer in Germany can be very nice in March. Show us some “German” love

Sayonara.

Red Hell Owners defeat aftermath: No more Mr. Nice guy

Wednesdays are usually †нє days most night football takes place. Tonight there’s no game to be played. All sights have been set on our next home encounter which comes up on Saturday afternoon.

Arsenal has had a very mixed up season. There have been highs and lows. Some games have been won by playing tantalizing football, some have been ground out. Some losses have been very unfortunate while others have been deserved.

After 16 weeks of trying hard, †нє club somehow found itself at †нє top of †нє table and retained †нє position for……just 1 week. Arsenal went to Old Strafford knowing fully well that a draw would be enough to preserve top spot but †нє performance we put there wasn’t just good enough. †нє only player of note that missed out of that game was Thomas “Verminator” Vermaelen. Cesc “El Capitan” Fabregas was very rusty while Robin “glassboned” vanPersie was unfortunate not to start. We are back in 2nd place but with 5 defeats to our name there’s no more room for error. A win against †нє Red Striped Rugby boys will send us back to top spot but we must show our title challenging intent by beating †нє Cashlings when they visit us on Boxing Day. I just hope that Igbo Ferdinand and Vidic †нє Terrible do us a little “favour” by crocking †нє Drog Man. No matter how badly †нє Cashlings play against us, †нє Drog Man seems to develop †нє habit of slamming our net. His absence will be a big plus for our defense.

†нє newly crowned French footballer of †нє year Samir “El-Rufai” Nasri has talked about our style of play. He states that we as a team need to work harder and get results because right now †нє only important thing is getting 3 valuable points in every game. He has been very phenomenal this season. Despite †нє fact that he’s our leading scorer he comes back a lot to help †нє full back. Andrei “Hotty” Arshavin on †нє other flank tracks back but not all †нє time. Hotty said that †нє Red Hell Owners were “lucky” while AW blamed †нє “quality of †нє pitch”. BS if you ask me. †нє Red Hell Owners took their chances well. If T-Pain scored that one-on-one they would have been 2 up. If †нє RooThug chipped Szszsz successfully and scored †нє penalty †нє scoreboard would have showed Red Hell Owners 4 Arsenal 0…that would have been a horrible sight. As for AW’s comments on †нє quality of †нє pitch……22 men played on that pitch not 11.

Our everpresent and faithful legend of a rightback Lee Dixon has expressed his disgust on our performances in big games. He says that we don’t have a “winning mentality” and that Gael “Flash” Clichy and Hotty should be “axed”.
He has a point about Hotty but no matter how badly Flash plays, AW will not play Emmanuel “Farma” Eboue as a left back when Flash is fully fit. We all know that †нє Self Destruct chip is present in Flash’s brain but it doesn’t always work all †нє time. †нє same Flash we’re criticizing is †нє player that give Alexandre “Sabinus” Song †нє solitary assist in †нє 1-0 win over †нє Carpenters. He also made a very vital interception when †нє chips were down in Villa Park. I’m not his greatest fan but I feel †нє gooners should go easy on him. He like Manuel “Stainless Steel” Almunia has been a devoted servant and synonymous to this club since joining from AS Cannes in 2003.

Nottingham Forest FC is pleading with AW to retain Aaron “Rambo” Ramsey’s services till †нє end of †нє season. I agree with †нє club on that one. Rambo was sent there to get match fitness but †нє snow has been a big ass biatch in †нє city of Nottingham. With players like Neves “NwaSamba” Denilson and Abou “Diabytes” Diaby still fighting for Jack “Whizkhid” Wilshere and Sabinus holding midfield positions, I feel that it will be in †нє club’s best interest to leave Rambo with Nottingham Forest till †нє end of †нє season. He can come back as a new signing in †нє summer but this time we are getting him for free.

Wojciech “Szszszsz” Szszceny has received plaudits from AW because of his good performance on Monday night. He earned a 6.8/10 rating from pumpumphat, which was †нє highest rating that was in †нє match against †нє Red Hell Owners. †нє only problem I had with Szszsz was his panicky clearance but he has told †нє fans that he will address †нє situation as soon as possible. †нє issue of †нє goalkeeping situation has been fully settled so its up to Lukasz “Flyin Fabbi” Fabianski to continue his consistent run of form. We also know that injury to Flyin Fabbi will not make us press any panic button. This also indicates that †нє Polish combo will rule our sticks for years to come because its certain that age is not an issue.

†нє match against †нє Red Striped Rugby Boys is coming up soon but I’m feeling very upbeat.

There’s also †нє issue of next tomorrow’s Champions League knockout stage draw but †нє fact that we are still in for †нє “quad” is really a nice prospect. After five good years of using our battering ram to open †нє Trophy gates of Troy, a slick “Trojan Horse-like” approach will be †нє best way to enter †нє city of Trophygate.

Let’s thank Odysseus for giving us †нє Carling Spoon formula….We still need Achilles for †нє final battle with †нє “Hector’s” of †нє Premier League……….speaking of Achilles, I hope †нє Verminator’s own will let him have a good 2011 with us.

Enough with †нє Trojan jokes.

Have a nice Wednesday wherever you are.

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