Gooner Daily

I said that i was not going to write today’s blog post until after †нє Champions League draw was over.
I sat my ass down in my parlour, got some Teatime assorted biscuits, hot beverage (Milo) and tuned to SuperSport Blitz on channel 200.
†нє arseholes on suit did their rubbish and started unveiling †нє clubs that will have post-Valentine’s day dates together.

Group H winners Shakhtar found out that their first date is in Stadio Olimpico while AS Roma visit †нє Doblas Arena in early March. I sighed and screamed,”Next draw Bitches”. †нє next draw cracked me up a bit. †нє “Free-scoring” and “free-conceding” Twitch FC are going to get ready to be overawed in †нє 82955 seater Giusseppe Meazza (San Siro) stadium in Italy. Let’s see whether †нє World’s best left footed Chimpanzee will do †нє “a la Maicon” on AC Milan’s rightback. Now that every goal scored or conceded is absolutely vital, let’s see how they’ll fare. Valencia’s reward for finishing next to †нє Red Hell Owners was †нє draw i prayed for. A trip to †нє Veltins Arena in Gelsenkirchen to play Schalke 04. That draw made a biscuit feel sour in my mouth. I started consoling myself that hosting †нє Bavarians won’t be a bad idea. I was horribly wrong. †нє cunthounds at UEFA decided that they wanted to watch last season’s Champions League final over two legs. Internazionale vs Bayern Munchen. I have a slight feeling that Count Rafa might not be at †нє helm of affairs on that day. German beer drinking hopes shattered in seconds left Arsenal FC with only 2 clubs to face, La Liga’s top 2. †нє cunthounds in †нє mood of repeating last season’s encounters and they paired an exact Round of 16 fixture of last season. Olympique Lyonnais vs Real Madrid. I wouldn’t mind another deja vu. That only meant that we were going to host †нє “Juggernauts of Modern Football”…FC BarcAliens. I stopped eating my mini-meal because †нє speed at which i lost my appetite was faster than Usain Bolt. †нє regular P.D.P. football clubs of England, †нє Red Hell Owners and †нє Cashlings got Marseille and Copenhagen. Check that out, Marseille and Copenhagen.

BarcAliens! BarcAliens!! BarcAliens!!! “Mes que en Club”……you got that right, Barca is more than a club….they have players that came from all over †нє Galaxy. Andres “WhiteZombie” Iniesta and Xavi “Suru” Hernandez came from Krypton along with SuperMan when †нє planet was about going into oblivion. Dani Alves’ head is shaped like that planet Saturn without †нє rings. David son of Villa scores as much goals as †нє Sun’s rays hits †нє Ozone Layer and Lionel “Little Wizard” Messi owns his own planet….he just came to invade our Mother Earth. He has scored over 150 goals for Barca at †нє tender age of 23. He has also scored 12 goals in his last 12 Champions League games.

If these 5 players come to †нє Emirates, we have to put up an Earth-saving performance because right now, we are Earth’s last hope from †нє BarcAlien invasion. Put them out of †нє BarcAlien equation, they won’t be that scary. There are 2 main ways to take out †нє BarcAliens……its either we put up a performance that †нє future of Earth depends on or go to †нє Cashlings and ask Didier “†нє Drog Man” Drogba and Salomon “MoHawk” Kalou for †нє Ivory Coast formula they used to render Andriy Sheva and Aunty Pizza useless.

We won’t play †нє BarcAliens till after Valentine’s day so we must move all focus to tomorrow’s game against †нє Red Striped Rugby boys.

Their fucktard of a coach, Tony Pubiz has made some comments of our newly found dirtiness and he also said that AW is “under pressure”. Arsenal has received a considerable amount of red cards this season but no legs have been broken. Laurent “Kos100%tackle” Koscielny’s 2 red cards this season has been a result of 2 bookable offences in his debut against Count Hodgson’s Vampires and being †нє last man against †нє Cartoons. No legs were broken. Alexandre “Sabinus” Song’s red card against †нє Red Striped Black Pussies was for two bookable offenses. No legs were broken. Jack “Whizkhid” Wilshere’s red card against McAlbino’s Blues was for a rash lounge at BeanPole Zigic…was his broken in two places? NO! so Tony Puliz should shut †нє fuck and tell Rory “SpringHands” Delap to do what he does best but there won’t be TOWELS for him to clean †нє ball with.

A win against †нє Red Striped Rugby boys will send us back to †нє summit of Mount Premiership. That will make †нє Super Sunday encounter between †нє Cashlings and †нє Red Hell Owners mouthwatering.

I believe AW will talk to his boys about 100% focus. Team news and †нє possible lineup will be posted in tomorrow’s blog.

Like comics and movies alike, Aliens try their possible best to invade †нє Earth. Superheroes and Anti-Alien squads always repel them back to their planets.

†нє BarcAliens are no different.

†нє Cuntbutler-in-Chief of UEFA, Michel Platini has done it again.

February is still far. There’s a league to continue and a Carling Spoon semi duel to be won before †нє BarcAlien invasion.

Let’s not forget that we have †нє BarcAlien “Antidote”………Cesc “El Capitan” Fabregas….Our very own “Clark Kent”

Thank God its Friday.

U can ƒølløώ me on Twitter @pumpumphat …Just mention me…I’ll ƒølløώ back.

Sayonara