Monthly Archives: February 2011

Arsenal 1 Birmingham 2: Still trophuckingless


How to start…….

Ice cold Guinness…check, cigarettes…..I don’t smoke, food….no appetite, BlackBerry battery….full.

Arsenal had the chance to end their barren run without a trophy after 6 years of asking.

There was so much talk about the newly found desire and hunger within the squad to win together. The performances of the players this season has shown that they are really one tight impregnable unit.

AW the Alchemist assembled 11 players that he felt were up to the challenge of bring the first trophy to our cobweb stricken cabinet.

The man between the sticks has been outstanding from the day he won his place in the squad to his last game against that rugby outfit. He picked the wrong game to have his worst outing as an Arsenal goalie. The Wembley showpiece itself.

The fullbacks were very agile and coordinated. They balanced their attacking play and defensive positioning well.

The centre backs have played together for a very long while so they had built a strong telepathy with each other.

The holding midfielders were in 2 different realms yesterday. The younger European was faultless, tenacious, industrious and imperious in midfield while the older African showed signs of fatigue.

The attacking midfielder behind the front three was ubiquitous and showed his class when he was called upon.

The wingers were as sleek as grease. They created lots of scoring chances even though one of the wingers was practicing target practice.

The lone striker scored a spectacular goal but got crocked in the process.

The lineup I predicted in yesterday’s post had a 90.9% match with the team that played yesterday. The only significant change was the introduction of TR7 instead of B52. TR7 played behind the attacking triumvirate, while Nasri was deployed on the right hand side.

Birmingham kicked off the 2011 Carling Spoon final on a sunny evening at the magnificent 90,000 seater Wembley stadium.

Nasri was blocked off when he was sent through but the ref had other ideas. The major talking point of the first half came minutes after Nasri’s infringement. Birmingham has a striker that’s as tall as Jack’s beanstalk. He slipped in a nice through ball for that old chap that got a ban for all eternity when he stamped Sagna. Bowyer was hacked down by Szczesny in the box. If it was our card happy penalty giving ref Phil Dowd, Szszsz would have joined the list of Arsenal keepers that got sent off in a final match. Manuel Almunia’s first task would’ve been to stand on the line for a spot kick.

To my surprise and the 90,000 seated in Wembley, the ref sounded his whistle for an offside. Replays showed that the old bloke was onside. So much for the consistency of referees and their assistants.

rVp tried his luck from a tight angle but his shot flew over. With the kind of goal scoring form rVp is in, he’ll probably try a shot from the centre circle if given half a chance.

The goal scoring opportunity fell to AA23 but his shot was blocked by Foster. This was the 1st of a million saves Foster made in the game. He was definitely the MoTM for the Blues.

Nasri showed some deft touches on the right hand side then tried his luck with a shot from an acute angle. It went high and wide though. With such exquisite play, the ball deserved to be at the back of the net.

Gunner reject Seb Larsson swung one in with the beanpole Zigic his intended target but Szszsz was up to the challenge.

In the first 20 minutes or so, Birmingham absorbed our pressure and played wit confidence. They got the lead when Roger Johnson headed a corner goalwards. Szczesny came out for the ball but he was beaten to it by that beanpole Zigic.

Arsenal 0 Birmingham 1: the red coloured section of Wembley quiet.

We responded well to launch an attack that almost led to a goal. Sagna whipped in a cross that was headed by rVp. The ball missed by a lick of paint.

Our World would have gotten into topsy-turvy when Birmingham had the chance to go 2 up. Zigic’s poor shot ensured that the scores stayed “respectable”.

Our equalizer came in grand style. Jack Wilshere cracked the bar with a sumptuous volley with Foster well beaten. AA23 picked up the ball and made space for a teasing cross from the right which rVp expertly hooked into the far corner of the net. You tend to wonder if our flying Dutch man would ever stop scoring goals. Everything he touches in the opposition box turns to gold…….goals. Our very own Midas

Nasri had a shot that was saved by the usually eccentric Ben Foster.

At half time, we were tied at 1-1.

rVp ran to the touchline to create a delightful through ball to Sagna. The Frenchie looked up once and saw TR7 lurking around the corner. Sagna drilled a perfectly weighted ball to TR7 but he lashed at the ball with low accuracy. A good chance gone begging.

Nasri released a rifle of a shot at Foster’s goal. At least he used his boot to unleash the shot unlike Cashley Cuntly Cole who brought his rifle to Chelsea’s training camp and shot at an intern working there.

You can check out the piece of info by clicking this link

We were playing end to end stuff. Birmingham employed traditional route 1 tactics with Zigic as the sole beneficiary. Gunner reject Seb Larsson launched a long ball into our danger zone but Kosclielny headed it out for a corner

One Chilean bloke made mince meat of Song on the right hand side but his cross was easy pickings for Szszsz

TR7 fired a shot at some bloke. It made him go flat on his blue arse.

At some point, it became obvious that rVp was struggling with an injury so he was substituted for our Carling Spoon president B52

Nasri sent in a free kick from the right hand side. Song headed wide.

Nasri had 2 more good efforts that were saved by Foster. B52 created an opening for himself on the left hand side but Foster was equal to that task. With TR7 rushing in for a rebound, Foster quickly smothered the ball on the second attempt.

Chamakh came on for AA23. He worked hard to win the ball on the left hand side that sent a low cross into the 6-yard box, TR7 wanted to attempt to attempt a flick but Foster quickly charged the ball.

Nasri had another attempt on goal but Foster was a very thick thorn in the gunner rosy bush.

TR7 had a chance to shoot but he chose to feed Chamakh. Chamakh had no idea of the pass so it turned out to be a wasted opportunity. Any other advanced midfield player in that position would’ve taken a shot but TR7 went for a pass. I really miss the Little Mozart of Borussia Dortmund. The player usually shoots 4 balls when he receives 5 passes. The present day Rosicky will pass again 4 times if he receives 5 passes, the only shot will be way off target.

In the 89th minute, the unthinkable happened. Describing such an event can give one nightmares.

I’ll put it the way BBC Sport analyzed it.

“What a mess, but Birmingham won’t care. There is no danger when Nikola Zigic flicks on Ben Foster’s hoisted free-kick but Laurent Koscielny and Wojciech Szczesny get in a muddle and the Gunners keeper can only push it into the path of Obafemi Martins, who gratefully slots home and celebrates with a trademark somersault”

I’m a very big fan of Wojciech Szczesny. I even follow him on Twitter @53Szczesny53. As good as his footballing ability may be, Szszsz doesn’t communicate with his defenders some times. I can remember a game that Koscielny cleared the ball from his hands. All he had to do was shout,”Get the fuck off Kos, I’ve gat this” and we would have been playing extra time. At the rate at which we attacked Birmingham, a goal was imminent but Szszsz gave them the Carling Spoon trophy with that error but as a young goalie, I believe he’ll learn from this horrible experience.

In football, you win games with a moment of sheer magic or a moment of utter madness. Birmingham didn’t win the Carling Spoon, Arsenal lost it.

Szszsz (5.0) put up his worst Arsenal performance ever. He missed out on the 1st goal and played a major role in the second. Sagna (6.6) worked his socks off on the right hand side. Clichy (6.6) did the same on the left. Djourou (6.7) spent much time on air contending with Zigic. Koscielny (5.3) should have left the ball for his goalie. The outcome might have been different. Wilshere (8.5) was having a stormer in midfield. The bar denied him a great goal. Song (6.2) was really tired. It’s high time he takes a week or two off. TR7 (6.6) threatened a bit and showed good movement. Nasri (7.0) put up a target practice challenge with Foster. AA23 (7.3) gave an assist. I feel that it was a wrong move removing him from the pitch. We lost our “mojo” after that. rVp (7.8) added another collector’s item to his never ending list of amazing rVp goals. B52 (6.4) had only 1 shot that was saved. Chamakh (6.3) didn’t do to much.

I wrote that you can never get addicted to smoking unless you’ve tasted your first cigarette.

These players were given Carling Spoon weed. You can’t really get addicted to that isch. At least Szczesny and Koscielny showed us that when you smoke weed, you get high beyond your understanding even if you feel you’re in control. Kos and Szszsz thought they were in control.

So we’re still trophuckingless.

Thanks a lot Ben.

I’m sure you’ll concede 10 goals in your next outing.

Time to continue with my ice cold Guinness.

Besides its my time, its Guinness time.


Arsenal v Birmingham: Time to bring on the rain to end the drought

This is the first time I’m writing a post when a title is up for grabs. It’s a feeling that every blogger would want to get.

Arsenal started their Carling Spoon campaign with a convincing 4-1 win against Twitchy’s Twitch FC. Our last Carling Spoon encounter with Twitch FC didn’t bring fond memories. We were whooped by 5 goals to 1 thereby ending their barren spell against us. A 4th round encounter against Newcastle saw us emerge as 4-nil winners. A hilarious own goal, 2 well taken goals from Walcott and a wonder strike from Wald Bezt Bendtner did the magic. The 1/4 draw saw us play with Wigan. We were suffering from a patchy home form but an own goal from Alcatraz and a slide in from Wald Bezt Bendtner took us to the semis.

Roy Keane was supposed to be the gaffer that would’ve guided Ipswich to the semis against us but he got his ass fired. After a 2-legged affair with the Tractor boys, we booked our Wembley ticket.

Arsenal go into today’s final match knowing that they’ll be without Fabregas and Walcott.

AW the Alchemist was disappointed that El Capitan wouldn’t lead his troops today.

He says,”if he played this match, he could damage his participation in the other targets we have”.

He went on to say that playing El Capitan might aggravate his hammy injury and he could be out for all eternity. The squad is more than capable to make up for El Capitan’s absence so I believe that El Capitan should sit his arse tight and enjoy the game.

Fabregas will definitely be disappointed that he won’t lead Arsenal in a final match for the first time since taking over the arm band in November 2008.

He says,”the boss is right and the most important thing is that I get fit and help Arsenal for the rest of the season”

A loyal servant whose eyes are focused on the events that will come up in from now till May.

There’s an emerging tale that the players have told AW the Alchemist if they win the game El Capitan would be the man to lift the trophy. This shows that Arsenal FC is one big happy family with AW the Alchemist as the father and El Capitan as the first born son even if he’s 23.

Sagna says that we are not scared anymore in big games. He has played a major role in the club’s successes this season. He has even added goals to his game.

AW the Alchemist has been criticized over the years for honing young talent instead of shipping in “experienced” and “made” footballers. Today’s win will vindicate our faithful manager. Arsenal FC can boast of being financially stable even if we were on a barren spell for almost 6 years. The major reason why Arsenal hasn’t won anything is that there have been injuries to key players when their “experience” was needed to see us through. Things have been a lot different this season because of the sufficient depth in the squad.

Today’s opponents have an appalling record against us. We beat them home and away this season and we have a better squad on paper.

For the 11 men that will put their names in our record books as the first set of players that brought a trophy to our cobweb stricken cabinet, I expect Wojciech Szczesny to be the man between the sticks. Since his inception to our team, he has steadied the defensive ship at the young age of 20.

Even if Gibbsy has been the left back of the Carling Spoon, Clichy will get the nod in today’s game. Sagna will continue at right back.

Djourcielny will continue in the heart of our defense. The holding roles should go to the Whizkhid and our African Blondie.

Super Snoody Nasri will assume the Mr. Creativity role behind the front three.

Carling Spoon president Bendtner will take the right wing, AA23 will take the left while rVp will lead the line and his men tomorrow. It will also be the first time he’ll lead the side in a final match.

The lineup should be

Wald Bezt B52-rVp-AA23

I’ve written this quote a million and one times before but I’ll write it again

“Until you’ve tasted your first cigarette, you can never become addicted to smoking”

A win against Birmingham will kickstart our season for the achievement of greater things ahead.

I’ll consider Arsenal as Capua’s Spartacus, who brought the long awaited downpour after he decapitated Theokeles the two-handed swordman.

Wembley has been tagged as our gladiatorial ground, Arsenal it’s time to bring on the rain to end the drought.


“O nas nas, what’s his name” signs a new deal and Rambo remembered.

I’m not going to apologize for the lateness of today’s post. I was doing what men my age do when they aren’t watching soccer. Trust me, I’m not telling.

Aaron Ramsey was born on boxing day, 1990. He broke into the Cardiff setup in the 2005/06 season before AW the Alchemist acquired his services in 2008. He scored on his Champions League debut in the 5-2 victory against Fenerbahce. He found his footing in the 2009/10 season.

February 27, 2010 was a horrible day for gooners worldwide. This was the same month that Eduardo suffered that horrific ankle injury in St. Andrews. We visited the dreaded Britannia Stadium for an away league encounter against the Rugby outfit Stoke City. Rory “Springhands” Delap launched his trademark missiles to our box. After a goalmouth scramble, a bloke called Puke scored the opener. Bendtner equalized with a brilliant header. Vermaelen and Fabregas settled our nerves in dying moments of the game. Every game in football is remembered for one moment. It can be a moment of magic, madness, elation or deep sorrow.

You can talk of magic if you remember Arsenal vs Porto in the 2009/10 season. I still don’t understand what Nasri did with those able-bodied defenders. The magic trick probably worked on me watching it from my TV. You talk of madness if you remember Man Utd vs Arsenal in the 2003/04 season. After Ruud Boy slammed the bar with his penalty kick the ref ended the game. Our players went berserk and an assault on Ruud Boy followed. I miss that crazy ass lot. You talk of elation if you remember Arsenal vs Barcelona this season. I can’t remember the last time those Aliens lost a game after scoring first.

The deep sorrow moment took place a year ago in the Britannia Stadium. Just as French fans will never forget the name “Materazzi”, the name “Ryan Shawcross” will be in our minds for a long time. Just like Dan Smith and Martin Taylor, the Rugby player snapped Ramsey’s tibula and fibia with a clumsy tackle. Rambo’s legs was hanging on his socks. His countryman Glenn Whelan held his hands till Colin Lewin and the team of physios took him to the hospital for further treatment.

It’s good to see that Ramsey is getting back to his best and with Arsenal involved in many fixtures due to the fact that they are in every playable competition football has to offer, a return might be on the cards for young Rambo.

Arsenal’s hot snood wearing shot Samir Nasri has agreed a bumper new deal with Arsenal that will ward of any potential suitors who may have been hoping to lure the midfielder away from the Emirates this summer.

It has been reported that El Rufai has reportedly struck a deal with the Gunners that will be worth at least £26 million – that’s more than £100,000 a week.

This is amazing news. We knew what happened to the Flaminal in the 2007/08 season. A player of his quality was sold to Milan for relatively nothing. This was because a new deal wasn’t offered on time.

First Theo Walcott was ruled out of the showpiece match at Wembley and then skipper Cesc Fabregas swiftly followed suit after a bruising encounter with Stoke in midweek.

This contract will spur Nasri in tomorrow’s game.

The Carling Cup final preview comes up in tomorrow’s post.

Till then let’s all be happy for “o Nas Nas, what’s his name”.

Samir Ben-Said Nasri

Our very own Zizou


Time to rally the troops in El Capitan and Walcott’s absence

The rain has refused to stop pouring in Owerri. This is the first Friday in five years when we won’t be looking forward to a Premier league game in the weekend. Twitch FC beat us 3-2 in our home turf last year. We would have gotten our sweet revenge in White Hart Lane tomorrow. We can save our revenge for another time, we’ve got “bigger fish” to fry.

Arsenal face Birmingham in the Carling Spoon final next tomorrow. We played a football vs Rugby match two days ago.

Even if we came out on top, we lost club captain, Fabregas and Theo Walcott.

AW the Alchemist had a few words to say concerning the injuries.

He says,“It is a very small injury but certainly Cesc will be out for Sunday. “He is disappointed. We all feel sorry and sad for him. The only way we help him now is to win the Carling Cup as he contributed a lot in this competition.”

For Theo he says,”As we already know, Theo Walcott will also miss the Carling Cup Final after being stretchered off in the same game. Again, the problem may be relatively short term. I saw him this morning, he has a classic ankle sprain. We don’t think there is any more damage to it. But it is still a sprain. We are sad for him too. He is out for Sunday and maybe one or two more weeks.”

AW the Alchemist was also asked about Cesc’s involvement in the March 8th’s game in the Nou Camp.

He says,“It is very difficult to give a deadline,” said Wenger. “It is impossible.”

I don’t like the way it sounds….”It is impossible”. After playing Birmingham, we host Leyton Orient in the 5th round replay before playing Sunderland in the league. We can do without El Capitan for these 3 games but we must do everything in our power to ensure that El Capitan plays at the home ground of those Aliens in Krypton.

His presence alone will boost the morale of his charges. When we played AS Roma at the Olimpico in the 2008/09 season, Alhaji Totti had a big blue strap on his knee. He didn’t do much in the pitch but he played 120 minutes for the Giallorossi. He even scored a brilliant penalty that sent Almunia the wrong way. I clearly hope that Colin Lewin and his experts outdo themselves this time because if we truly want the “quad”, we have to eradicate those Aliens in their home turf. A draw will be more than enough.

Since Super Fab and Speedy Walcott are out, we need to win the trophy for them because they played their part in getting the team to Wembley. Walcott scored two well taken placed shots when we whooped Newcastle 4-0 in St. James Park while El Capitan scored his first ever Carling Spoon goal in the semis against Ipswich.

The good news is that rVp, Koscielny and Diaby are back in the squad. Their re-introduction to the squad is like a breath of fresh air.

Djourou said that the squad have waited a “long” time for this. Trust me, 5 years is really long. That’s the entire amount of time I spent in my university without seeing any silverware.
B52 says that he works well with AA23. Since Walcott is out injured the right wing is up for grabs again. Nasri normally plays in that wing but he’ll play behind the front three.

With AA23 taking a stronghold of the left hand side, I feel its time Bendtner gets his run out on the right hand side.

“@Orbinho: Nicklas Bendtner has scored six goals in his last seven Carling Cup appearances”.

I’m confident that he’ll start on Sunday.

Wojciech Szczesny will also appear in Wembley for the first time so I’m confident that he’ll give us a class act on Sunday.

More on the Carling Spoon game in tomorrow’s post.

Arsenal FC has lost its captain and a most handsome winger.

Time to rally the troops.


Arsenal 1 Stoke 0: Football prevails over Rugby

Football was a sport that was created in the days of old by some ol’ British men. The sport became better with time. Rules were chipped in here and there. I can remember when I was little, keepers could catch backpasses. The teams had numbers without names and their shorts were really “short”. Everybody playing the sport did it for passion. In 2003, a dictator from U.S.S.R bought over a blue wearing mediocre league outfit. He bought stars from all over the galaxy. These stars couldn’t perform as expected so the gaffer that assembled them got the “boot”.

In the past 8 years, the U.S.S.R dictator has hired 6 managers. When the arab boys came to town, the dictator went into hiding but raised some eyebrows by unleashing £71m for 2 players. We all know that money has influenced the beautiful game. But its football.

Rugby on the other hand was also created by some ol’ British folks. People say that there’s a link between both sports but rugby requires a different approach. The standard rugby player must be big, meaty, hefty, ugly, built, aggressive and must be able to leap as high as a bloody kangaroo.

Stoke City football club is the representation of rugby in modern day football.

The lineup I predicted in yesterday’s post had a 100% match with the lineup that played yesterday night.

While Man Utd were run ragged in Stade Velodrome, we had the uphill task of ensuring that we close down the gap to a solitary point.

We attacked Stoke from the off. 70 seconds into the game, the Whizkhid gave a pass to his captain. El Capitan saw our speedy winger lurking on the edge of the area. He intelligently threaded a through pass to Walcott. Walcott’s quick shot hit the post and came back to the goalie.

Walcott had another chance at the Stoke goal but he was off-balance this time. The shot was very tame.

Springhands Delap started his onslaught of throws but we got our opener from an unlikely source in the 8th minute.

Wilshere floated a corner from the right hand side. Bendtner was the first to react on the ball on the far post. He then sent in a nice ball into the 6-yard box. The Squisha appeared from nowhere and used the same head that blocked that shot in Brisbane Road to head home from point blank range.

The Squisha needed that goal for his confidence. Djourou’s emergence has sent him down the pecking order so that goal meant a lot to him.

Shortly afterwards, we lost our captain to what seemed like a hammy injury.

AA23 replaced El Capitan and was deployed to the left wing. Nasri dropped behind the front three.

Losing Fab was a big blow to us because we lacked rhythm when he was absent on the pitch even though we had the lions share of possession at a staggering 74%.

As the first half was about drawing to a close, Stoke pulled up a surprise attack that brought the best in our young Pole Szszsz.

A bloke nodded the ball to Carew who then fired a screamer goalwards. Our goalie was up to that challenge. The save showed that his concentration levels are top notch. I’m very confident that he’ll be between the sticks on Sunday when we aim to end the drought against Birmingham in the Carling Spoon final.

When the first half ended, I changed the channel to see how those Mancurians were faring. Most of the highlights belonged to the home side…….like I cared.

In the 2nd half, that former gunner that looks like John Legend swung in a cross to our box. Gentle Shawcross got his head to it but the ball missed its intended target. I expected a penalty and an own goal from him. I didn’t know what I would have done if Shawcross of all wankhammers scored us.

Springhand’s Delap pelted another missile into our territory. The massive Huth leapt above everyone else but nodded over.

AA23 did well to leave Shawcross on his arse before sending a nice ball to Walcott. His attempt of a first time shot was miscued. That was funny though.

With 20 minutes left to play, Stoke’s Whitehead scythed Walcott on the edge of the area. Our winger didn’t get up from that challenge. The orderly with the stretcher came into the pitch. Walcott was replaced by that Brazilian bloke.

B52 was replaced by Chamakh. I guess rVp’s shoes were too hot for him.

With the game settling down for a simple One-Nil win, Denilson committed a silly foul at the edge of our box.

“@ArsenalUpdates: Denilson commits a stupid foul just outside the box to gift these gorillas a shot on goal”

The John Legend looking “gorrila” sent the ball to the side netting. If he scored that goal I don’t think that we would have gone on the win the game. Thank heavens.

In the dying moments of the game, Stoke had a throw in close to the center circle. Delap ran to the ball and catapulted it into our box. How on Earth can a player throw a ball with his bloody hands from the centre circle to the opposition penalty area? That’s one freaky chap.

The ball ended up in Szszsz’s hands then the ref called it a night.

Arsenal beat Stoke in a hardly fought battle but lost its captain and its fastest winger.

Super Fab might make the Birmingham game but it seems as if Walcott may face a lengthy spell on the sidelines.

Szszsz (6.5) had a relatively untroubled night but did well when called upon. Sagna (6.6) did okay. Same as Clichy (6.6). Koscielny (6.8) worked really hard today. Squisha (7.2) handed us three valuable points with his head. Whizkhid (6.8) sent some delightful passes. Song (6.7) played well. Nasri (6.9) was as sleek as ever. AA23 (6.8) looked as if he’s back to his best. B52 (7.0) gave the assist for the only goal of the game. Walcott (6.7) did okay before getting injured. Denilson (6.6) played well in midfield. El Capitan won’t get a rating today.

When I delved into Twitter for a few moments, I saw a tweet that “caught my eye”.

“@ladyarse: Djourou? Really? RT @Akolaar: @ladyarse I think that’s 28 games his unbeaten streak is now”

I’m as surprised as @ladyarse. Arsenal hasn’t lost in 28 games Djourou has played for us. I think it’s true. During our early season struggles, the defensive pairing was the Squisha and Koscielny. I’ll make more research to confirm this later on.

As always, my tweets of the day

“@ladyarse: Ramsey did not ‘break his leg’ – HE HAD HIS LEG BROKEN – big fucking difference. Fall down stairs, I break leg, hit by car you break my leg”

“@ArsenalUpdates: Wenger should field a team of rugged bouncers to play Stoke, no football experience needed”

“@Dominic777775: Football 1 Rugby 0.”

We are a point behind United who play Wigan, Chelsea and Liverpool on the spin. I hope for the “worst” for ‘em.

In our game against Stoke City, football prevailed over rugby.



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