Imagine a scenario where you have a girlfriend but your neighbour’s girl has a thing for you because anytime you go out to drop the trash; she opens her window to say hi. After a few BlackBerry pings she invites you for dinner in her house sometime in September but your neighbour becomes grumpy while you eat her delicious meal. While you’re eating he fails to have a conversation with you so she slips in some Valium 5 and Lexotan extract in his favourite juice. While he falls asleep on the dining table, u shag her on the parlour and cum 4 times while she cums 1ce. He wakes up and plans his sweet revenge on your girlfriend in November. He locks your door and shags her while you watch. He cums 3 times while cums twice.
I’m Arsenal and he’s Tottenham.
Yesterday’s game meant a lot to Arsenal and Tottenham. The hosts needed a win to keep up with that 4th and final Champions League spot and do the double over us. With Man Utd’s draw the day before, Arsenal needed a win to cut the gap to 4 points and show that they deserved to win the title.
The stage was set and the atmosphere was intense for the 3rd and final North London derby of the 2010/11 campaign.
With Arsenal’s previous game just few days ago, squad changes were expected. Sagna was fit again so he replaced Farmer Eboue while Diaby was surprisingly chosen ahead of Jack Wilshere.
Arsenal got off to a flyer when El Capitan sent Walcott through on goal and the pacey winger wasted no time in placing the ball past Gomes to put us 1 up. While we were still basking in euphoria in scoring one of our earliest goals this season, Twitch FC silenced us quickly with a well-timed right footed equalizer scored by Rafael vdV.
BeanPole Crouchinus fired a tame shot short that went wide. As another attack built up in Tottenham’s half, rVp had a nice shot that was saved by Gomes. The resulting corner was a waste.
Nasri was voted as the 2nd best player in the Premier League because of his outstanding form and breath taking goals. After scoring his 14th goal against Birmingham in January, his well dried up so his 15th goal of the season couldn’t come in anymore perfectly timed. Diaby and Nasri exchanged passes but when the ball got to Nasri’s path, he drilled a low drive outside the box past Gomes to increase Arsenal’s lead.
The Premier League stadia haven’t been a good place for birds migrating past in recent seasons. The Dutch duo of rVp and vdV were the next to kill 2 innocent birds with their proposed shots on target. rVp was the first while after some good work by Luka Luka, vdV killed his own bird.
Corluka then had a close shot on goal that was millimetres away from Szczesny’s goal. AssouEkoto crossed a ball for Crouchinus but Sagna did well to marshal the ball away for a goal kick. After Farmer Eboue’s antics on Sunday, he was axed from the squad.
Fabregas then sent a lovely through ball to rVp but he missed his effort. An inch-perfect through ball to Walcott saw him miss an effort by a lick of paint. Modric then released a shot that stung Szczesny’s hands. Diaby sent rVp through but he spurned that effort too.
Pavlychenchenko did well to get a corner for his side. The corner which was swung in by vdV was almost headed to our goal by the Mercenary himself, Uncle Gallas.
Welsh Chimp Bale and Sagna had a duel so El Capitan came to his full back’s assistance. After a few air balls here and there, Modric nicked the ball off Fab and sent Bale through on goal with Szczesny. With the Chimp’s blistering pace I expected Szczesny to tackle the winger for a penalty but he showed real bravery to anticipate the ball but he clashed with the winger. The Chimpanzee landed really awkwardly and hurt himself really bad.
With Tottenham pushing for an equalizer, Arsenal hit them on the counter and added some breathing space to their lead with an aplomb finish by rVp. El Capitan and Sagna did well to feed Walcott who chipped a lovely ball to rVp. His header was saved by Gomes but his rebound almost damaged the roof of the net to put Arsenal in the comfort zone against our bitter rivals.
With the half almost coming to end, everyone thought that Arsenal would do enough to see out the 1st half at 3-1 but Twitch FC pulled a goal back to change AW the Alchemist’s team talk. AssouEkoto crossed a ball aimed for Crouchinus but it was defended well. When the ball reached Fabregas, his clearance was quite poor so it went straight to the path of Huddlestone who showed good technique to lash a left footed volley goalwards. As expected a pile of bodies were present in the box so Szczesny’s view was clearly obstructed so the ball went straight to Arsenal’s goal without our goalie moving a fucking muscle. vdV also played a part because he opened his legs up for the ball to pass through.
Nasri dallied on the ball a bit so Modric stole the ball and waltzed into our box. He was impeded by Djourou but the regular penalty giving Atkinson didn’t point his fingers to our spot. Clichy hacked vdV and earned himself a booking.
At half time it was 3-2 to the Arsenal. 5 goals scored in a very entertaining half. I could have imagined AW the Alchemist’s team talk during the break. I’m pretty sure that he probably called for focus.
The second half began with quick successive yellow cards for Song and Djourou. rVp had a shot that was saved by Gomes. Diaby was replaced by Young Player of the Year Jack Wilshere.
Szczesny then had a series of successive punches to show his mettle as Arsenal’s goalie for the future. At 3-2, the next goal was of utmost importance to the team that would score it. To the amazement of Arsenal fans, rVp got the brilliant goal but it was ruled out for an offside.
Walcott had the chance to put us 4 up but he was suffering from indecision so the chance was spurned. He had rVp to pass to but messed up. Arsenal were punished for that miss when the One-Dimensional winger Lennon that replaced Chimp Bale was sent through on goal but unlike the Bale-Szczesny collision that occurred in the first half, Lennon was a lot faster than our goalie so he was brought down by Szczesny leaving Mr. Atkinson with no choice but to point to the spot. vdV converted the spot kick by sending Szczesny the wrong way.
At 3-3 it was game on so the next goal was of vital importance to the North London side that scored it. vdV drilled a nice ball to Luka Luka shot was saved superbly by our goalie even though he was going away from the ball. rVp fed a gentle back heeled to El Capitan but his shot was saved by Gomes. Fabregas then had another shot that was saved by the Brazilian goalie.
Crouchinus headed a goal bound ball towards our goal but Szczesny pulled up a save of the highest quality. vdV showed good movement while backing the goal to make a good shot that brought out the best in Szczesny again.
In the 80th minute, AW the Alchemist brought on AA23 and B52 for Nasri and Walcott.
Sandro fired a low drive that almost went through Szczesny’s legs but he still pulled up a good save. At the sound of the silver haired refs whistle, it ended as another disappointing draw with 2 more valuable points dropped.
Szczesny (8.0) put up a performance that shows us that Arsenal’s goalkeeping future is in safe hands. Sagna (6.8) did enough to quell the threat of the Welsh Chimp before the Chimp got injured. Clichy (6.8) did pretty well. Djourou (6.8) was solid in defense. Koscielny (7.0) was very assured in defense. Diaby (6.7) gave an assist for the 2nd goal. Song (6.7) did well although his hairdo was scary. El Capitan (7.0) gave an assist for the opener. Nasri (7.2) scored his first goal since the days Merlin was the Chief Wizard of Camelot. Walcott (7.7) scored a neat finish and supplied an assist for the 3rd goal. rVp (7.2) continued his amazing goal scoring form. AA23 and B52 didn’t do enough to get ratings.
After seeing Man Utd falter a day before but Arsenal didn’t capitalise on it to cut the gap to 4 points. We haven’t lost a league game since December but being unbeaten isn’t good enough because Arsenal has now drawn five or their last six games. A disappointing 8 points from a possible 18.
Arsenal is 6 points behind the league leaders and has been very complacent in recent weeks. The players have been so blinded with the prospect of beating Man U in May that they have messed up the chance to be where I felt that they ought to be; at the summit of the league. Even if we beat ManUre United and Chelsea beats them too, we won’t still be at pole position because they still have the issue of the goal difference to deal with.
There are still five games to play so let’s hope for the worst for our rivals Manchester United.
The tweet of the day goes to a disappointed gooner, @jaybdon. He wrote that on his Twitter bio though but I can feel his pain because he like every other committed gooner, he fills himself up with optimism before every game only to be disappointed when the ref blows the final whistle.
“@jaybdon: Winning only 8 points out of out a possible 18 is poor form though. That’s just terrible. And losing 13 points from winning position sucks.”
If this would soothe us a bit, Real Madrid’s right back Rafael Nadal was celebrating with the Copa del Rey winning teammate before throwing the cup off the open tour bus only for the cup to be smashed to bits. You can see it by clicking here.
At least for the record books, they won their first Copa del Rey in 18 years.
Just imagine Farmer Eboue throwing the 1st ever trophy out of the open tour bus before it gets smashed.
That won’t be a nice sight.
Happy Easter my esteemed readers
Sayonara
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