Monthly Archives: November 2010

WigWig comes to Emirates for a Carling Spoon Adventure, Farma’s enigmatic comeback and el Classico

Good Morning to you all from another harmattan infested day.

I just love it when a wish comes true.

I hoped for a mauling, they got a mauling. I also prayed for a Messi hattrick and Ramos own goal. I got a Messi masterclass and a Ramos red card. Moaninho finally entered spanish record books for all †нє wrong reasons. He said that we haven’t won a trophy in 5 years, Madrid had not conceded more than 4 goals in 17 years. He got 5. This was also †нє first time Barca dominated with 78% possession, †нє dirtiest El Classico so far with Moaninho’s thugs getting †нє bulk of †нє cards. His teams always have a stint of thuggery related to them. Inter vs Catania (2 red cards) , Chelsea…..
Arsenal went to Nou Camp with Silvestre in †нє ĦeãЯt of †нє defence. It ended 4-1. We even scored. †нє push on Pep by CRo was childish. He got lost in a big game again. †нє elbow by Ol’ Lady Ricky on Messi was cynical. And †нє final tackle by Ramos was atrocious. I spent all my time tweeting everything that was happening in Nou Camp, I got into TwitJail for my troubles. But there were two tweets that were very memorable
RT @Obitwyce: “When you give success to stupid people, it makes them more stupid, not intelligent”
RT @dkingpin: “Watching Barca as a gooner is likw watching your ex-girlfriend in a adult movie. You love it but there’s a nagging jealous feeling”

Fuck Moaninho and his thugs…
This is an Arsenal Blog by †нє way.

In my first blog, I said “When Emmanuel “Farma” Eboue landed awkwardly in Estadio AXA, I asked my friends a simple question,”How many weeks”. Colin Lewin and †нє rest of †нє physios say that a medial knee ligament strain lasts for at least 4-5 weeks. Let’s wish our Farma a speedy recovery because we are a bit short in that position”. I’m swallowing those words right now.

Our Farma is going to play WigWig today after being diagnosed with a medial knee ligament damage. How he miraculously recovered, I don’t know but its good to see him back in †нє mix.
I could do with some dives against WigWig.

LeBoss says that Wal Cunt, Wald Bezt and GlassBoned vP will be in action today leaving our Carling Spoon president, Aztec Warrior in †нє bench. Squisha is out with a knee problem so Injourou will come in for him.

†нє likely lineUp will be

Ogo Gibbsy-Injourou-Kos100%tackle-Farma
Banana Lomo
Wal Cunt-GlassBoned vP-Wald Bezt

LeBoss said that he’s going to make Emirates Stadium a fortress. He should start with WigWig. I wouldn’t mind another 4-0 victory.

WigWig knocked us out of †нє Carling Spoon in 2006. What made it more embarrassing is that Igwe played that game. They lost to †нє Red Hell Owners in †нє final. We lost to Barca in our own final.

Thank goodness November is over.

Good luck to AquaNama as he got 30 minutes under his belt for Nottingham.

My in-law’s call to bar is today.

I might miss †нє Carling Spoon encounter.

Here’s to a good Arsenal performance.


Pride restored, Emirates revival, Mourinho talks back and †нє FA Cup draw

†нє harmattan is building up slowly in Abuja, at least I’m well prepared.

†нє FA Cup draw was made by…..†нє FA.

†нє Cashlings got Roy Keano’s Tractor Army. †нє Red Hell Owners got a home tie against Count Hodgson’s Vampires while †нє Cash Money Oil Money Billionaires are away to †нє Foxhounds of Leicester.
We got a home tie with Leeds United. I’ve got real beef with Leeds because they contributed to us losing †нє title in †нє 2002/03 season. Then they had household names like Kewell, Smith, and english blooper Paul Robinson. But things have changed now. They are a championship outfit which makes †нє contest sweeter. †нє Gunners however must avoid complacency because Leeds beat †нє Red Hell Owners in Old Strafford last season. †нє game will be played on †нє 7th or 8th of January.

Arsene Wenger has vowed to make Emirates Stadium a fortress again. Since its inauguration in 2006, †нє Emirates Stadium was as dreaded as Stamford Bridge and Old Strafford but this season, things have changed drastically. †нє only convincing victories in †нє league were achieved against †нє club whose nickname is some fruit (6-0) and MadMan Coyle’s Nomads (4-1). Credit to MadMan Coyle for his Nomads resurgence. They are currently in †нє pole position for †нє Europa League. There were also unconvincing victories, †нє Gentle Frog’s Carpenters (1-0) and McAlbino’s Blues (2-1). Recently, there have been no victories or even draws. Our Fortress has been converted to a happy hunting ground. WBA gave us †нє eye opener (2-3), Edge became a star when †нє Cartoons beat us (0-1) and of course Twitch FC (2-3). †нє next team to meet us in †нє Emirates Stadium is †нє Okro Soup Masters, Fulham. Wenger please don’t fall our hand again.

Still saying with Wenger, Jose Mourinho has hit back on LeBoss for calling his team “disgraceful”. Jose would have searched for something new to say but he dediced to stick to †нє #dead cliche of how Arsenal hasn’t won a trophy for 5 years *yawns*. He also said that Wenger should explain to †нє fans how he lost to Braga. This is a manager won 2 league titles for †нє Cashlings but when things got real hot for him and he was sacked. His replacement, †нє Gentle Frog lost his first game to †нє Red Hell Owners but still to †нє premier league to †нє wire and got to †нє final of †нє Champions League, a feat Mr. Jose didn’t achieve in Cashlings FC. I pray Messi and co. rapes his squad tonight. I wouldn’t mind another 6-2 mauling.

In other news, Our third choice…….fourth choice goalie, Vittorio wants to extend his stay with †нє Tigers. Good luck to him as he plys his trade in †нє Npower Championship. I will go berserk if he makes his loan move permanent because that’s a goalie that saved our ass for 9 games when Stainless Steel and Flyin Fabbi were out injured. Its well noted that Arsenal FC did not lose a game while Vittorio was in between †нє sticks. His rating against †нє Okro Soup Masters in Craven Cottage earned him a 10.0 FM rating.

Swansea want our Beautiful Aztec Warrior on loan. I would have preferred him going to †нє Nomads on loan, see what happened to our Whizkhid. He’s not getting as much playing time as he wants here so he should go to †нє Championship and chip all †нє goalies there. Trust me he could do that with every one-on-one he gets.

There’s also an emerging tale that our ever faithful Spectacles Patty Patty might retire from his position as Assistant Manager at †нє end of †нє season. He does that a lot in Football Manager. This man is a living legend in Arsenal. His blood is Arsenal. He was born in 49′, joined †нє club as a trainee in 64′ (15 years) and played till 80′. He notched up 397 appearances and scored 12 goals, 10 more than Mikel (LSC) Obi. From 84′ to 96′, he was a youth coach. He has been Wenger’s right hand Man for 14 good years. If we don’t play a testimonial match and throw a mega retirement party for him, I will………

More on †нє Carling Spoon tomorrow.

Enjoy El Classico, wherever you’re watching it.

Here’s to a Lionel Messi hattrick and Sergio Ramos own goal.


Villans 2 Arsenal 4: Triumphant Heroes topped…..for 2 hrs at least!

I said that it was time for Arsenal Football Club to step up after two disappointing defeats and †нє club duly delivered.

It was a classic Arsenal game. Like Tottenham’s game last week, †нє first half was a masterclass. †нє second…..”Prick standing” and High Blood Pressure moments.

Prior to kickoff, there were only 3 teams with an unscathed home record…†нє Red Hell Owners, †нє Red Striped Black Pussies and †нє Villans.

†нє Newcastle Injury Syndrome of seasons past has invaded †нє Villans this season. †нє latest casualties where Gabby †нє Quick Bike Man and †нє young cunt that scored †нє second goal against †нє Red Hell Owners so there was a place for Arsenal’s living legend, Le Bob in †нє starting lineup.

†нє first half was a thing of beauty. Arsenal pressed and probed. They would have been rewarded after 30 seconds. If Hotty Pancake’s through pass arrived at ChiAmaka’s feet, it would have been a different outcome. You can forgive Hotty Pancake for that messed-up pass because he put in his best performance this season. Captain for †нє day, Banana Lomo had a chance to score but it was as weak as a simple backpass. I tend to wonder where he dropped his shooting boots. Credit will still go to him because he has compensated for his non-scoring with consistent performances.
He, Hotty Pancake and El-Rufai were ubiquitous in Villa Park.

†нє deadlock was broken by Hotty Pancake in †нє 38th minute. It was a well deserved goal. While doing a solo run from †нє left, he cut in and fired a shot through †нє legs of a defender to †нє bottom corner. I thought that Brad “His Lordship Akpo” Friedel would catch †нє ball.

†нє 2nd goal can be described with 1 simple word, TECHNIQUE. El-Rufai’s confidence is sky-high right now and he even has 9 goals to his name. When Hotty Pancake crossed †нє corner kick, El-Rufai’s eyes were fixed on †нє ball and he had only one thing in mind, a first time shot. It was exquisite! †нє best part was that he hit †нє ball on †нє ground! That was a goal Dennis Bergkamp would have been proud of.

As Mark Clattenburg blew his whistle for halftime, I grabbed my remote and changed †нє channel to MTV Base. You can never guess †нє song that was being played. Beyonce ft. Jay-Z – DE JA VU

When †нє 2nd half began, Le Bob was removed for a yoruba england wannabe and †нє below par villans entered Gordon Spark mode.

In †нє 51st minute, a young cunt that was playing because of injuries to senior players scored our flyin Fabbi. †нє goal pissed me off for three good reasons. 1. †нє world’s best left footed Chimpanzee scored us in †нє 50th minute. 2. A player weighing as much as 2 bags of rice was intentionally blocking flyin Fabbi. He was offside but †нє goal stood. 3. Flash was supposed to close †нє young cunt down.
We were 3 up when Banana Lomo sent ChiAmaka through. That was a nice toe poked goal from a player that cost us……nothing. That was his 10th goal in 21 appearances. Superb.
†нє young cunt scored again but ChiAmaka’s persistence brought Whizkhid’s first and Arsenal’s clincher.
There was no need for Glassboned vP, Wal Cunt and Wald Bezt.

Flyin Fabbi (6.9) was solid enough, †нє first goal wasn’t his fault. Flash (6.5) did okay generally, his interceptions were crucial. Timaya (7.3) played extremely well, his cross for ChiAmaka was a peach. Squisha (6.7) didn’t have much to do but his experience shone through. Kos100%tackle (6.7) anticipated well, got a broken nose and a nameless jersey for his troubles. Sabinus (6.7) decided to be a holding midfielder today. Whizkhid (7.5) played like a mature old man, popped into †нє box and settled our nerves with his first league goal. Hotty Pancake (8.5) gave us his best performance so far, he was ubiquitous, got a goal and gave El-Rufai an assist. El-Rufai’s (8.0) goal was †нє W in world class. Banana Lomo (8.0) led by example with a spirited performance, gave an assist to ChiAmaka. ChiAmaka (8.3) continued to work hard for †нє team, deserved his goal and gave an assist. Ogo Gibbsy and NwaSamba didn’t play long enough to get ratings.

So we’re still at 3rd place but we are now level on points with †нє Cashlings. November sucked for London’s biggest club. Let’s thank Edge for scoring †нє opener for #teamAkpo even if †нє goal was a porn movie acted by PowerHorse Alex. †нє Red Hell Owners ran riot against †нє Rugby Boys on White and Blue. Their Bulgazilian striker, Berbatinho scored a brace and a hattrick. That guy can trap a ball that was sent from orbit.

Well peepz, that’s a wrap.

†нє sun in Abuja reminds me of Owerri.

Let’s hope Tottenham would lead Liverpool by 2 goals in first half, then lose 3-2.

Payback’s a big ass Bitch!

Happy Sunday