Daily Archives: January 9, 2011

Arsenal 1 Pea-Cocks 1: El Capitan saves us from embarrassment against some cocks

I don’t even know where to start from.

Arsenal had been told months ago that they were going to host Leeds United on †нє 8th of February.

It was very understandable to line up a “second tier” side for †нє contest against Leeds.

My expected lineup was almost †нє same with †нє lineup i saw yesterday. I only missed out on Johan “Injourou” Djourou, Alex “Sabinus” Song and Andrei “Hotty” Arshavin.

Speaking of Hotty, i don’t even understand what has gotten over him. 2010 didn’t really end on a good note for him but he has done nothing to exorcise those demons that are hunting him. It’s one thing to have a bad day at †нє office, it’s another to be consistent in inconsistency. Hotty’s footballing ability cannot be questioned. His passing ability is great, he has a hawk-eye when it comes to creating chances for his teammates, he also dribbles his opponents like a sly fox. Let me not forget †нє fact that he has an amazing technique and can work wonders with †нє ball at his feet. Hotty’s flaws are glaring when †нє ball is not at his feet. He can be very lethargic at times. I don’t really know why this attribute is present in him. He does not play 90 minutes week in week out so it’s quite disturbing. His workrate is also very poor. He hardly helps his full back when playing in his left wing role. He also has one big problem when he’s with †нє ball. Hotty is one of †нє most profligate players to wear †нє Red and White. †нє one-on-one chance he missed against Kasper †нє friendly goalkeeping ghost was a hard one to swallow. In †нє 12th minute of play, Tomas “Banana Lomo” Rosicky worked hard in †нє midfield to gain †нє ball then send a delightful through ball to Hotty. Hotty used his speed to evade †нє last defender and was closing in on Kasper †нє friendly goalkeeping ghost. There were a million and one things a player of Hotty’s calibre could have done with †нє ball. I’ll just name a few. Hotty could have placed it in †нє far corner like Carlos “Aztec Warrior” Vela, lobbed †нє ghost like †нє Aztec Warrior, side step and dribble †нє goalie like Samir “El Rufai” Nasri, feint a shot and dribble †нє goalie like El Rufai or just slide it in like Nicklas “Wald Bezt” Bendtner. But he chose to play it on †нє ghost’s body. I was even wondering why †нє ball didn’t pass through Kasper. He’s supposed to be a friendly goalkeeping “ghost”.

Arsenal picked up where Hotty left off in terms of profligacy and missed a shit load of chances. Hotty’s left foot volley was easy pickings for †нє ghost. Marouane “ChiAmaka” Chamakh’s header was also a simple gift for †нє Danish friendly ghost. At some point in †нє match, ChiAmaka changed from a striker to a good centerback when he helped Leeds United head a crossed ball away from †нє area. I thought it was †нє defender on blue that did that job but replays proved otherwise. Wald Bezt was deployed on †нє right wing yesterday and ran at defenders with positive intent. As †нє first half reached its climax, Wald Bezt ran passed two players and tried to beat †нє ghost at his near post. †нє ball was safely parried and smothered on †нє second attempt. Half time, goalless but i remained upbeat. Another player i would point my finger on will be Emmanuel “Farma” Eboue. He tends to forget that he’s a rightback. It was his clumsiness that played a big part in Leeds shock lead at †нє Emirates. While he was busy fooling himself far up †нє pitch, a bloke ran into our box without any real drive. All he wanted was to evade several markers then have a go at Wojciech “Szszsz” Szczesny’s goal. He showed NwaSamba Denilson his weaker foot and †нє young Brazilian wasted no time in stretching out his leg. Phil Dowd pointed to †нє spot without thinking twice. All i can remember is that a lad with a Snood and carpet grass combo as a surname converted †нє spot kick even though Szszsz guessed right and had a hand to it. Reinforcements came in †нє form of Cesc “El Capitan” Fabregas and Theo “Wal Kuint” Walcott. Their presence played a part in our fictitious but welcome equalizer. Wal Kuint was sent through and was tugged by some Leeds chap. He didn’t hit †нє deck immediately but †нє pressure of †нє fans left Mr. Dowd no choice but to “return †нє favour” he granted Leeds earlier on. †нє penalty reminded me of †нє one we conceded against †нє Towel of Babel years ago when we played Count Rafa’s Vampires in †нє 2007/08 season. I guess they are Count Dalgish’s Vampires now. Count Hodgson couldn’t keep up running †нє tavern at Anfield Transylvania. He had a very good job at Fool-ham but decided to “live forever” when he got bitten by †нє Vampire’s American Owners. Our captain handled †нє pressure of scoring a late penalty by playing †нє ball to †нє middle. NwaSamba almost atoned for his poor penalty foul by firing a wonderful shot which would have slammed †нє net but Kasper †нє friendly goalkeeping ghost came to save †нє day again. †нє last chance of †нє game was spurned by Wald Bezt. At †нє sound of †нє final whistle it was Arsenal 1 Pea-Cocks 1. In one word…….Disappointing.

For my match ratings: Szszsz (6.5) tried his best for †нє spot kick. Ogo Gibbsy (6.4) went through †нє match unscathed. Farma (6.2) spent much time upfront without great effect. Squisha (6.5) did okay. Injourou (7.0) shone like a star in our defense. Sabinus (6.4) wasn’t sharp and could have done better with opening he created for himself. NwaSamba (5.9) was really disappointing, he should also remember that Rambo is back. Banana Lomo (6.6) was vibrant and showed good movement. Hotty (5.5) had an absolute stinker. ChiAmaka (6.0) didn’t get †нє service he needed. Wald Bezt (6.7) played with positive intent. El Capitan (7.0) had many good touches and scored †нє goal that will take us to Elland Road. Wal Kuint (6.8) created †нє penalty that saved our blushes.

This is †нє FA Cup. Knockout football. Upsets are †нє order of †нє day in this tourney. A league 2 outfit known as †нє Age of Steven brushed †нє Cartoons aside, even Notts State beat †нє Red Striped Black Pussies.

This draw means that another midweek game has been added to our fixture calendar. I’m happy with †нє depth of our current squad. They are more than capable of doing what is required of †нєm.

Let’s face it peeps, we’re still in †нє quad. Keano’s tractor Army is up next. Let’s hope we address †нє issue of profligacy.

I really enjoyed calling Kesper Schmeichel “Kasper †нє friendly goalkeeping ghost”, he looks like one though.

That’s enough jokes for one day.

Still having “happy thoughts” from my sister’s wedding.