Daily Archives: January 13, 2011

Jewelry’s Tractor Army 1 Gunners 0: Hapless Arsenal struggle against a struggling lower league team.

First †нє good stuff: Arsenal’s new signing Silver Well has been sent to Levante on loan.

Now †нє horrible stuff: Jewelry’s Tractor Army vs Arsenal match review.

In one word…..Pathetic.

In a squad of over 30 players, only 4 can boast that they have won any silverware in Red and White colours. Club captain, Cesc “El Capitan” Fabregas, club vice-captain, Robin “glassboned” van Persie, former 3rd in command but unsettled goalie, Manuel “Stainless Steel” Almunia and ever present left back and long serving servant, Gael “Flash” Clichy. †нє remaining players in †нє squad have no idea how it feels to stand on †нє podium with a trophy staring at you and waiting to be carried.

When †нє BarcAliens won †нє Champions League in 2009 at Rome, every player put their hands down in unison while waiting for their die-hard captain Carles “DrugDeala” Puyol to lift †нє mighty silver trophy. They had already won †нє Liga BBVA and †нє King’s Cup. †нє greedy BarcAliens still went on to win †нє Club World Cup. They had already won †нє Spanish and UEFA Super Cup before †нє season. That meant that 38-year old Baldy Pep had amassed 6 trophies in one bloody year with his BarcAlien stooges. Yet his squad is as hungry as ever as if they have been on a trophyless campaign. After replacing Moaninho’s Thugs at †нє top following that 5-0 mauling, they have not even thought of taking their Alien foot off †нє accelerator.

We pass well, they pass well. We keep possession, they keep possession. We have short players, they have short players. But there are two major differences between us and †нє BarcAliens….they are very clinical, we are extremely profligate and they have DESIRE while we have no bloody idea what that word means.

For a club that has won on nothing in 5 years to lose to a team that just conceded 7 goals to a side †нє aforementioned club won 3-1 is really disturbing.

†нє Carling Spoon loss to Burnley in 2009 was a result of Nicklas “Wald Bezt” Bendtner’s profligacy and a playing squad filled up with high school dropouts. †нє Carling Spoon defeat to †нє Cash Money Oil Money Billionaires last season was because their squad was way better than us on †нє night. Yesterday’s game was unexplainable for †нє neutrals. When i saw †нє lineup, i was scared for †нє Tractor Army. AW †нє Alchemist said that he was going to take †нє game seriously. I didn’t know that he was †нє “S” in serious.

I expected Tomas “Banana Lomo” Rosicky to be †нє first person to walk into †нє pitch but i saw El Capitan.

After all †нє prematch talk about resting Johan “Injourou” Djourou and †нє introduction of Ignasi “El Youngita” Miquel, i saw our next best thing in †нє number 20 jersey walking unto †нє pitch with his teammates. Someone should get that lad a black hair dye, it’s supposed to be ubiquitous in England.

I also expected a start for Carlos “Aztec Warrior” Vela but i saw Gooner Daily’s worst player of 2010 walk unto †нє pitch. He was utter shite throughout †нє game and was rightly replaced by †нє Aztec Warrior in †нє 79th minute.

As for †нє game, we were more “boring” than †нє Cash Money Oil Money Billionaires.

I snored throughout †нє first half. If you went to a dictionary or searched google for †нє definition of a “poor first half”, you’ll see †нє pictures of our logos close to each other. All i could vividly remember was that their left back who sounds like O’ Shea got a yellow card after being out sprinted by Theo “Wal Kuint” Walcott. I can also remember a bicycle kick goal that was ruled offside.

†нє second half picked up where †нє first left off with more putrid football from Arsenal. Wald Bezt said that he was going to grab †нє bull by its horns and balls but spent most of †нє time outside †нє box.

†нє best thing he did all night was to pass †нє ball to El Capitan in †нє box but †нє general Arsenal “pass †нє ball” syndrome infected our captain at that point thereby wasting a glorious chance.

†нє Injourou-Kos100%tackle has been very efficient this season. Through balls from “over †нє top” have been dealt with superbly this season by both players. Yesterday †нє tactic was employed continuously and we were exposed at †нє back. There was a ball that came in from †нєir Christian Obodo looking right back to †нє heart of our defense. Kos100%tackle failed in his bid to put †нє ball under control but was saved by his partner before †нє striker could pounce.

Kieran “Ogo Gibbsy” Gibbs took a right foot shot that went over.

AW †нє Alchemist made 2 changes: Alex “Sabinus” Song for Jack “Whizkhid” Wilshere and Marouane “ChiAmaka” Chamakh for Wald Bezt. As soon as ChiAmaka came in, i saw this tweet.,”RT@ladyarse: Nik – watch how Chamakh GETS IN THE BOX”

Wal Kuint was sent through by El Capitan but couldn’t chip †нє goalie from a tight angle.

A moment of controversy came up when Wojciech “Szszsz” Szczesny decided to catch †нє ball outside †нє box.

Another magnificent chance came El Capitan’s way and he missed by a lick of paint in †нє 6 yard box. If he used his head or foot we would have gone ahead but †нє ball hit his knee. That was †нє same knee that gave us a goal against †нє Red Striped Black Pussies.

In †нє 77th minute, †нє “unthinkable” happened. I believe you know what that means because I’m in no mood to describe †нє opponent’s goal. All i can say is that †нє chap was in an offside position.

Aztec Warrior replaced Hotty in †нє 79th minute then a late rally followed.

So at full time, it was 1-0. A 1984 win less against us record broken to bits.

For my match ratings

Szszsz (6.4) didn’t do too much and was lucky his “funny act” went unpunished. Ogo Gibbsy (6.5) overlapped well and sent some nice crosses in. Farma (5.8) has given his boss a cause for concern. Maybe we need a new right back too. Injourou (6.7) made some vital interceptions at †нє back. Kos100%tackle (6.4) struggled a bit. Whizkhid (6.8) worked extremely hard in †нє midfield. NwaSamba (6.5) was a passenger most times. El Capitan (6.0) put in a very below-par performance. So unlike him. Hotty (4.8) was utter shite. Wal Kuint (6.3) ran at †нє defender well but lacked in †нє final third. Wald Bezt (5.7) didn’t put his money where his mouth was. ChiAmaka (6.5) had a good shot saved late on. Sabinus (6.4) didn’t have a serious effect on †нє game. Aztec Warrior (6.1) should have started.

Once in a while, Gooner Daily searches Twitter for some match day tweets. Here’s Gooner Daily’s top 3 for yesterday’s game.

RT @_bdon_: “Arsenal didn’t deserve anything from the game. And got nothing”.

RT @arseblog: “That was a Phil Collins of a performance from Arsenal”.

RT @ladyarse: “The last time I felt this annoyed at a ‘performance’ was v Man U at the Emirates in CL…I refused to do a blog the next day”.

Let’s hope @ladyarse will do a blog today. You can check it out at http://www.ladyarse.com

That’s all for today.

Let’s remember what @Nicarlos said.

RT “@Nicarlos: Well no need to dwell on this game, we are still in FOUR competitions.”

And he’s right, we are still in †нє quad.

Let’s not forget quickly how we fared against Porto. We overturned a 2-1 deficit with a 5-0 mauling.

Happy Thursday