As a fan of football I’ve learnt a lot of things in my life. I’ve learnt that “passion” is a key attribute for any fan. People become fans of a club for various reasons. If you live close to a stadium in England, the likelihood of you becoming a fan of that club is high. But when you’re based in a different country, your reason for being a fan takes a different picture. Another attribute I’ve learnt as a fan is “anticipation”. We waited for the World Cup in South Africa for a while. There were advertisements everywhere.

At some point in December, we were drawn against FC Barcelona. After 2 long months, the wait is over.

We host them tonight then board a rocket and go to Planet Krypton in a fortnight.

Barcelona needs no special introduction. They are the best team on Earth, even if they have players from other galaxies. 2009 was definitely their year. They won everything football as a sport had to offer. They have a Mutant Academy that hones the brightest of stars from the Milky Way.

Products of that Academy have become “legends” in their various clubs.

In the days of old, the World Footballer of the Year award was shuffled amongst players from these 4 clubs: Internazionale, AC Milan, Real Madrid and Barcelona. CR7 broke that duck to become the first player to win it from England. I still feel that Henry was cheated in 2004.

The BarcAliens play with a fluid 4-3-3 formation. They centre their play around quick movement, retaining ball possession and passing to feet.

The BarcAliens are very CLINICAL in taking their chances and won’t relent if we give them on a plate. After scoring Almeria 5-0 in the 1st half, the Aliens added 3 more goals in the 2nd thereby costing Almeria’s head coach his job. They are THAT evil.

They also know how to contain the ball with consummate ease. We all saw what happened in both legs last season.

The major positive is this: As excellent and potent their attacking threat poses, the BarcAliens have a very weak backline.

They win a lot of games in the Liga BBVA because teams pay them too much respect.

I’ve always asked myself this question,”Are Barca and Madrid that good or is La Liga that poor?”

I don’t see why a team will win a league with 99 points while the team that second had 96 points. It shows that every other team were the “whooping boys”.

Looking at the BarcAlien squad, they have a descent goalie. He has really matured and he became more confident as he grew older. Victor V was a lead actor in the goalkeeping porn industry years ago. Their full backs are too attack minded so they will definitely leave spaces at the back. We need to exploit that.

Their midfield is run by 2 footballing gods while their attack is spearheaded by the most clinical strike force the World has ever seen.

We need to play with 110% effort tonight. If we truly want to win the Champions League, we have to beat Barca.

Its seems as if the other 3 English sides might qualify so a kind quarter final draw against Tottenham will be the best route to the semis. After spanking them in the Carling spoon, they ended their 68 game top four Premier League duck by beating us in our own backyard. I’ll love us to hit them where it really hurts. Besides they are just “enjoying” themselves, we have “better” expectations for the competition.

AW the Alchemist will assemble 11 super heroes to save the Earth.

Szszsz will play the biggest match of his young career tonight. I still don’t know what I’ll do if he keeps a clean sheet.

Eboue will come in for the suspended Sagna. I hope he invokes his 2006 Champions League spirit and “till the Emirates soil” with his body. I’ll do with a few dives from our brave Ivorian. I believe that he has what it takes to shove off the threat of Pedro.

Clichy will have the most important job tonight. Containing Lionel Messi. Clichy can match the little Wizard for pace. Let’s just hope that the Self Destruct mode won’t be activated tonight. He held Messi well in the first leg at the Emirates. The Wizard looked so grumpy when he was substituted that night. I’m gonna be a “deja vu” fan tonight. Besides we are at the Emirates.

Djourcielny will continue in the heart of our defense. Their telepathy will be important for u tonight.

Song and the Whizkhid will have to work their skins off against Kryptonians like Xavi and the fastest White Zombie Iniesta. El Capitan will have to be protected by his holding midfielders tonight. He need to have the space to send balls behind the full backs to feed our wingers.

Theo Walcott will be deployed on the right wing. We will need his pace tonight. For the left wing battle between Nasri and AA23, I’ll give Arshavin the nod. Nasri can be used as an “impact player”

rVp can continue his amazing goalscoring form by spearheading our attack.

The 11 heroes will be

Szszsz
Sagna-Djourcielny-Clichy
Song-Wilshere
Theo van Arshagas

Nasri just have to make do with the bench.

Playtime’s over. The talking will take place tonight.

Even if I’m not supposed to laud “the enemy”, I’ll have to congratulate Twitchy Harry’s Twitch FC for winning in the San Siro yesterday.

The hosts were pathetic from start to finish.

The tackle on Corluka by the Flanimal was extremely horrific. He lounged with both feet and was shown only a yellow. The Ities rallied around the area where Corluka was screaming for him to be taken off knowing fully well that he was immobile. I thought football was all about “fair play”.

The disgrace of the night was undoubtedly the hairy arrogant angry egocentric dwarf called Gattuso.

I’ve always known him for being combative and influential on the pitch. His mental attributes in Football Manager ™ are second to none.

I sang his praises when he took out Cristiano Ronaldo in the 2007 Champions League semis. I can also remember that Abou Diaby put him flat on his arse in the 2nd leg of the Knockout phase in 2008.

He was a card away from suspension but he chose to get a card for an innocuous challenge on the South African Goodilocks. He exchanged a war of words with Crouchinus the BeanPole. He pushed Twitchy’s assistant in front of the linesman in the game then headbutted him afterwards.

I hope he gets banned for 18 games like Anelka of France so that I can “retire” from the Champions League.

The tweet of the day goes to Orbinho

“@Orbinho: Barcelona had the tightest defence in the group stage, allowing their opponents just eight shots on target against them”.

They claim that they are the “immortals”

As Spartan king Leonidas said….

“We will put them to the test”

Sayonara