Daily Archives: March 3, 2011

Arsenal 5 Leyton Orient 0: Sinful Arsenal book a date in Hell on Earth with a 5ive star performance

I’m going to start today’s post the way Nollywood movies begin their sequels. They always give you a small preview of part 1. Especially the ending part.

I ended yesterday’s post writing this.

“A win tonight will make us go to Hell on Earth…Old Strafford. The home ground of the Red Hell Owners.

It is said that the quickest way to Hell is to sin.
If every sin amounts to one goal, I expect Arsenal to steal, kill and destroy.

That’s just 3 goals.

They can add lying and adultery.

That’ll make it 5″.

They made it 5.

I predicted a certain lineup that would take us on a date at Old Stafford.

I didn’t put any faith in our young Bojan look alike but AW the Alchemist thought otherwise. The other surprise introduction was young Irishman man Conor Henderson who played in AA23’s position.

The media Vultures caught up with AW the Alchemist before the match.

He says,”We want to respond quickly and not let emotions interfere with what we want to achieve this season. The players want to produce a big response and we have prepared for that. It’s game after game and it’s how quickly they react to disappointments will decide how successful a season we have”

I can imagine what his team talk was. If it was me, I would have used the “I expect a win” team talk…..its Leyton Orient remember?

We started well with the Diabyfied Baldy getting a shot that was blocked by some bloke.

TR7 was given the Mr. Creativity role behind the attacking triumvirate. He was instrumental in creating our first sin….goal.

Marouane Chamakh said that today’s game would be a remedy for the club. I was really ecstatic that Chamakh opened the floodgates with his 1st goal since that toe poked goal at Villa park in November.

TR7 raced down the right, skinned some chap then drilled the ball back to the edge of the six-yard box where Chamakh was on hand to slot into the bottom right hand corner.

I expected Chamakh to run like a mad man to the corner flag but he simply jogged to his “provider’s” path to thank him for ending his drought.

First sin by Chamakh the thief.

Leyton had a corner that was half cleared by Miquel. It fell gracefully to some Leyton chap. Instead of testing Almunia’s goal, he decided to let one rip on his own teammate thereby handing us a goal kick. He should have waited till after the game was over to hit out on his teammate. Like I care.

Gibbsy was having a storming game on the left. He was the provider for our second goal.

Gibbsy floated over a cross from the left hand side. Our great Dane Nicklas Bendtner jumped above a cuntbutler to direct a 10-yard header superbly into the left hand corner of the Orient net.

Second sin by B52 the killer.

Leyton’s Cox swung one in but Almunia was up to the challenge.

Youngling Henderson played very well. You tend to wonder where AW the Alchemist gets these younglings from. He swung a lovely free-kick from the right but it evaded our Bojan inside the Leyton Orient penalty area. It would have been a stuff made of dreams for the two younglings if they made Arsenal go three up.

B52 got his second of the night by scoring a superb solo effort that reminded me of his goal against Ipswich.

B52 seized on a loose ball on the left hand side of the Leyton Orient penalty area, cut inside, shoved off the challenge of some chap then curled a right footed shot into the bottom far corner.

Bendtner, ever the provocateur, cupped his ear to the fans in celebration of his superb goal. He was more or less expecting us to sing Rihanna’s hit single “What’s my name” for him. We know who you are, Nicklas “Wald Bezt” Bendtner.

Third sin by B52 the destroyer.

Leyton had half a chance and almost capitalized on it.

That Cox bloke got into our half and sent the ball down the right to Revell. Almunia came out to try and get the ball first but he failed. Revell sent over a cross that was duly taken care of by our defense.

The pantomine villian of St. James Park then produced a moment of sheer magic when he decided to meander forward from his default holding position.

He got the ball forward then did a neat one-two before skipping past players as if they weren’t there. His finish let him down though.

Gibbsy then went berserk and decided to take on all comers on the left hand side. After dribbling his way past some blokes, the final chap couldn’t take it any more so he decided to end his misery by hacking Gibbsy down for a clear penalty.

The next thing that came to my gunnerfied mind was Smalling vs Zhirkov. The only emoticon I can give Man Utd fans is :p ….Those with BlackBerries and adept users of Yahoo! Messenger will know what that smiley means.

Besides, PDP is the ruling party and the umbrella was Blue in Chelsea’s Blue Bridge. Thanks a lot Martin Atkinson….

Up stepped B52 to slam his 2nd hattrick in his Arsenal career. He also used a penalty to seal his first hattrick against Porto in that 5-0 mauling in March 2010. I guess his next hattrick that will be sealed by a penalty will come up in March 2012. We’ll probably win 5-0 again.

Fourth sin by B52 the liar.

AW the Alchemist brought in reinforcements to join the party. Clichy came in for hattrick hero B52 while the Whizkhid came in for Diabytes. Nasri came in for TR7 in the 60th minute.

The Gunners had baked a nice cake yesterday night. The icing was apply in grand style by our Justice League hero, Gael “Flash” Clichy.

Farma Eboue overlapped well and crossed from the right. Chamakh made a nice decoy by opening his legs but the ball evaded Wilshere.

Clichy arrived at the back post to hammer a sweet left foot shot into the corner from 10 yards. He struck the ball with real venom. The goal also meant that he’s now level on goals with Nigeria’s John Mikel Obi.

Fifth sin by Flash the adulterer.

I tend to wonder why I always mention Mikel in my blog. Bleeeh

Nasri had the last piece of action but sent his shot over.

Almunia (6.5) had a boring day at the office. Eboue (6.6) gave an assist but wasn’t too convincing defensively. Gibbsy (8.0) had a stormer. Miquel (6.5) and the Squisha (6.6) were untroubled. Denilson (6.7) did his passing thing. Diaby (6.9) did well to appease the fans after his acts up North. TR7 (6.9) showed good movement and gave the first assist. Henderson (6.8) played well in his first senior appearance. Chamakh (7.1) ended his drought. B52 (9.5) went home with the match ball. I guess his shoes where as hot as rVp’s tonight. Clichy (7.1) had a collector’s item. Whizkhid (6.9) looked confident on the ball. Nasri El Rufai (6.7) played well.

Wald Bezt Bendtner said this after the game.

“It was important to come back after what happened on Sunday and important today that we started well early. I was very pleased with the hattrick, yeah, very happy. I was already on penalty duties, but maybe if someone else had been on a hattrick I’d have let them take it. We know the game at United will be difficult but we’re looking forward to it.”

We knew that a victory will send us to the quarter final to play the Red Hell Owners. We committed 5 sins which was more than enough to book a date in Hell on Earth.

Old Strafford, Manchester.

Happy 5-0 winning Thursday.

May everything you desire multiply 5 fold today.

It would have made a lot of sense if today was the 5th.

Sayonara