Daily Archives: March 20, 2011

West Brom 2 Arsenal 2: Same ol’ disappointing Arsenal, same ol’ calamitous Almunia

How to start

Ice cold Guinness….check

2nd bottle of ice cold Guinness….check

3rd bottle of ice cold Guinness in the refrigerator….check check

BlackBerry battery…full

PHCN electricity…..on point

HP Compaq 6720s notebook…check

It’s really amazing supporting a club like Arsenal FC. A friend told me a few years back that when he grows old, he can never be diagnosed with High Blood Pressure. He’s glad to say that Arsenal gave him enough when he was in his adolescent years.

I predicted a certain lineup in yesterday’s post. I even found out that Diaby wasn’t needed because he picked up one of his customary knocks. This meant that the Whizkhid was pushed up thereby allowing Aaron Ramsey start his first Arsenal game after a year.

But as soon as I was getting ready to bring my food to my sitting room, I saw the WBA players jubilating. They followed the Twitter trend other opposition use against Arsenal, #firstchanceFirstgoal.

That Blunt left footed bloke crossed a ball from our right hand side. Ramsey missed the ball and up stepped Steven Reid, a player who hasn’t scored through our trophyless spell, to give WBA the lead after just 2 minutes.

The next noteworthy highlight was a clash of heads between Koscielny and some chap. The chap was second best because his blood was all over the place.

Clichy then sent a cross field throw-in to Denilson. The Brazilian lad trapped the ball then handed it on a platter of fucking gold to a WBA player. The player started a counter attack but their striker was ruled offside when the ball got to his path.

Arshavin and Clichy linked up nicely on the left hand side. Clichy’s beautiful cross was headed across goal by rVp. Open-toothed Carson watched the ball like a porno movie then thanked his lucky stars because the ball rebounded off his post. The best part of it all was that it rebounded straight to Ramsey’s path. Ramsey would have marked his first start in a year with a simple tap in the 6-yard box but he chose to play the ball straight at Carson.

The commentator said, “Carson didn’t make a good save, Ramsey had a poor finish”.

After another good spell of possession, Denilson killed a bird with his proposed effort “on target”.

Clichy sent in another good cross but Wilshere slipped when he was about to pull the trigger so it ended up being a weak shot which Carson duly saved.

Denilson was giving us one of his horror outings in midfield. He compounded it all by getting a very silly yellow card for a poor challenge on some bloke.

Sagna and another WBA chap banged their heads together but those vampires in the stadium or the ones watching on TV expecting to see blood again were disappointed.

rVp ended the half by shooting the ball wide after he had done well to create some space for himself.

At halftime, Arsenal was down by a lone goal to Reid.

I went into Twitter during the interval so I saved this tweet form Arsenal stats king @Orbinho

“@Orbinho: HT Stats: WBA vs Arsenal Shots 1-5, On target 1-2, Fouls 3-3, Duels won 46%-54%, Passing accuracy 67%-86%, Ball possession 26%-74%”

With all these stats pointing to one obvious direction, Arsenal was still on the losing side…Typical.

At the start of the 2nd half, AW the Alchemist brought in Chamakh for that Brazilian.

Wilshere and Mulumbu had a little bust-up. The referee wanted them to kiss and make-up but Wilshere preferred a handshake.

Arshavin sent a cross from the left that deflected off a player’s body. Chamakh’s header was easy pickings for Carson.

While we kept on holding up play and keeping possession, WBA caught us on the break and almost punished us. Sagna was far up on the pitch so their left winger Cech was free. He drilled a low cross to the far post with the aim of feeding that Blunt chap. The cross didn’t carry much pace on it so Almunia should have anticipated the ball. He foolishly chose to let it roll past him then he decided to charge at Blunt. The winger got to the ball first but sent it wide.

Wilshere took hold of the ball then charged forward through the heart of the WBA defense, there was no end result though.

AW the Alchemist decided that Ramsey’s time on the pitch was up so he brought in Wald Bezt B52 to add wit to our attack.

Out of the blue, WBA went 2 up courtesy of a very discombobulate act by stand-in goalie Manuel Almunia.

Mulumbu played a simple over the top ball for Odemwingie. The Squisha was with Odemwingie when the ball was played. For no reason explainable to man, Almunia ran out of his box to attack the same ball like a robot whose control chip became dysfunctional. Odemwingie controlled the ball and evaded the Squisha. Almunia then “pushed” the Squisha out of the way like he knew what he was doing. Like his fellow Nigerian Obagoal in the Carling Spoon final, Odemwingie had the simplest of tasks by planting the ball into an unguarded net. Koscielny ran to anticipate the ball but his act was futile. A faster defender like Evra, Clichy or Micah Richards might have stood an outside chance of anticipating it.

WBA 2 Arsenal 0, so much for my W-W-W-W-W form table.

The commentator said that, “Arsenal attack like Men and defend like Children”.


I was in a state of extreme perplexion. What in Heaven’s name was Almunia doing that far out outside his box when a defender was present. If he decided to play the role of goalkeeping sweeper when Odemwingie was alone it would have been a different fucking case.

The evil camera men kept showing Mad Jens when all this was happening.

Can he do better?

At that point I went into Twitter and I “captured” some interesting Tweets. They are on the picture below.


@ladyarse : But don’t worry, he’ll probably save a penalty later and you can all go back to defending him. Absolute joke”

The word “absolute” is an understatement for what Manuel Almunia did. Almunia was very doltish for doing what he did.

Odemwingie was a thorn in the flesh of the Arsenal defense. He had a duel with Koscielny but our defender came in at 2nd best then rightfully received a booking for hacking down the Nigerian.

Chamakh did well to win a free kick on the edge of the WBA penalty area but rVp floated it over the bar.

In the 71st minute, a glimmer of hope arrived in the form of our diminutive Russian, AA23. Arshavin and Chamakh linked up well to build up an attack. Chamakh got in at the edge of the box then fed a simple short pass to Arshavin. His first touch was inch perfect, his second even better. Carson haplessly watched the ball slam into his net without moving a fucking muscle.

Nasri dallied on the ball in midfield then got a yellow when he was trying to win it back.

WBA removed Odemwingie and brought in one bald chap that reminded me of Leyton Orient’s bald Frenchie Tehoue.

Minutes later, that bald bloke did a carbon copy of the move Tehoue executed on Gibbs and Miquel. This time it was Nasri and Koscielny. He released a rocket at goal but the Squisha came to our rescue by putting his body on the line.

Nasri sent a corner in but rVp headed wide.

Arsenal’s equalizer wasn’t the type of goal you’ll see us score but we didn’t fucking care. Arshavin sent a cross to the far post that was brought back into play by B52. The defender dwelt on the ball instead of clearing it to row Z. Up stepped our flying Dutchman rVp to tackle the chap from behind. It was enough to go behind the line.

Arsenal leveled the tie at 2-2 with 12 minutes left to play.

A late rally occurred from us but Carson did enough to keep the tie level. Clichy fired a nice low drive after he was teed up by rVp but Carson pushed it out for a corner. Sagna also had a shot that was saved.

We then had some penalty claims but Stuart Atwell wasn’t Phil Dowd, Howard Webb or Martin Atkinson. He is Stuart Atwell.

At his final whistle, it was WBA 2 Arsenal 2……two more fucking points dropped.

To add insult to our Premier League title ambition injury, Man Utd’s Bulgazilian striker Berbatinho scored a very late goal to hand them all 3 points.  The game though was marred by an injury suffered by Holden courtesy of an inhuman Jonny Evans challenge that earned him a red card.

With 9 games to go, we are now 5 points behind United with a game in hand.

Almunia (4.5) proved to the World that you can be 33 but still play like a 10-year old. Clichy (7.0) sent so many good crosses and almost handed Arsenal all three points if his late shot went in. Sagna (6.7) had a nice run out. Koscielny (6.1) was exposed again while playing with the Squisha (5.8) who was involved in a cock-up with the goalie. Denilson (5.9) was the C in crap. Ramsey (6.4) showed some good touches but should have done better with his finish. Wilshere (6.7) tried well to link up play. Nasri (6.5) was quite quiet. It was so unlike him. AA23 (7.3) scored a brilliant goal that reminded us once again about his amazing ability. rVp (6.9) scored a scrappy goal that brought us back into the tie. Chamakh (7.0) was all over the place winning balls and free kicks. He even gave an assist. B52 (6.7) played a vital part in our equalizer.

Defour, Veloso, Matuidi, Mertesacker, Samba, Mexes.

These are not “World class” players but they can do a very descent job if they are “employed” on the pitch.

If AW the Alchemist buys an “established” player, he fears that he will be mocked by the media Vultures for not doing it throughout the trophy drought spell. I feel that he has lost the plot with this present crop of players and I am very pessimistic about our home game with Man Utd on the 1st of May.

We are still 5 points behind them and we have not played Liverpool, Tottenham and of course Man Utd.

There’s nothing as painful as giving yourself hope on players that play hopelessly and inconsistently. This is a “team”. If a part of it is defective, the entire team gets affected. Andy Johnson scored 23 league goals for Crystal Palace in the 2004/05 season but they still got relegated because their defense was shambolic.

Injuries are a part of football. We can’t keep using the same excuses every fucking year. Man Utd played us in the FA Cup quarter final with only one recognized mdfielder, Darron Gibson but they still whooped our arse.

We need to revamp our squad this summer. For fuck’s sake, there’s M-O-N-E-Y in our coffers. You don’t not need any soothsayer to tell you that Arsenal NEEDS a center back and a “recognized” holding midfielder.

AW the Alchemist has been in the club long enough to know that Arsenal FC is an injury prone squad. It seems like a curse that every season, a player or two will be out for over 5 months.

We won our last league title in 2004. When Henry got injured, there was Bergkamp. When Bergkamp got injured, there was Reyes. When Reyes got injured, there was Papillo.

I don’t even want to write about the midfield because we gooners know how large that department of our squad was.

Those where the days......

AW the Alchemist let Gallas, Silvestre and Senderos go on free transfers. Gallas was a cuntbag while Silvestre was a schmuck but Senderos would have done a better job that Squillaci.

This was the same Senderos that formed a good partnership with Kolo Mentality in our road to Paris ’06 season. Campbell spent a lot of time on the sidelines.

AW the Alchemist let Gilberto, Flamini and Lassana Beans Head go…

Thanks to determination and hard work, Wilshere has evolved to be the next best thing.

It took African Blondie Song a few years to get where he is presently but you can rate him to be amongst the top ten defensive midfielders playing football right now. I can only think of 9 defensive midfielders better than Song. De Rossi, Xabi Alonso, Mascherano, Sergi Busquets, Carpenter Essien, Cambiasso, Palombo, Yaya Toure and Lassana Beans Head.

You may not agree with me but that’s my opinion.

Opinions are like arseholes, everybody has one.

I will stand by what I’m about to write next.

Diaby and Denilson do not deserve to play in an ambitious squad like Arsenal FC. They should……..must be sold to any other club in the World..as long as it’s not Arsenal FC. Even if they want to “Arsenal”, they can be sold to Arsenal Montevideo in Uruguay, Arsenal de Sarandi in Argentina or Arsenal Kiev in Ukraine. That way they can “lie” to their peeps that they play for “Arsenal”.

It’s really unfortunate that our Poles are injured but Almunia has done enough to show us that you can have the confidence of a toddler even if you’re 33. As the adage goes, “Age is just a fucking number”. Jack Wilshere is 19, just imagine him at 33. I hope he grows taller….like he needs it.

To even think that Almunia wanted to play for the English national team, I’ll hold that thought there….

Mad Jens hasn’t played professional football over a year but I am 100% sure that he wouldn’t have ran outside his box knowing fully well that the Squisha still stood half a chance of winning the ball from Odemwingie.

This season our goalies have been the difference between 3 points and 1 point.

When we played Wolves at the Molineux, Fabianski’s super save in the 90th minute kept the game at 1-0 before he launched the counter for Chamakh’s late match clincher. How many points did we get? 3.

When we played Everton at Goodison Park, Fabianski made two superb stops form African Goodilocks Pienaar and Beckford to keep the game at 2-1. How many points did we get? 3.

When we hosted Fool-ham, Samir Nasri was the star of the show with his two breath taking goals. Late on in the game, Zoltan Gera fired a surface-to-goal missile at the Arsenal net. Fabianski dived low to push it out for a corner for the game to stay at 2-1 to the Arsenal. How many points did we get? 3.

Wojciech Szczesny has played many games that we were in the driving seat where he was relatively untroubled but when we were shooting blanks against Sunderland, Man Utd reject Danny Welbeck had a beautiful chance that would have handed Sunderland all 3 points. Szczesny dived low to keep the tie at 0-0. Let’s also remember that he played this game a week after cocking up with Koscielny in the Carling Spoon final.

Almunia on the other hand has been the reason why 3 points gets converted to 1 in some games. There were even times when 1 point was converted to 0 in a split second.

The mentality and morale of this team is very low.

All they do is to feed the media Vultures with headlines and do rubbish on the pitch. They never put their money where their mouths are.

Bendtner told the media Vultures months ago that he aims to be one of the World’s best strikers blah blah blah. This prompted me to give him the nick Wald Bezt. The pronunciation is “World Best”.

A striker that aims to be one of the best in the World received a through pass from Jack Wilshere in the dying moments of the game against Barcelona in planet Krypton. What did he do? Absolutely fucking nothing.

Denilson said in January that “we will win the quad”.

If you look at the picture below, you will notice that Denilson’s row in my Arsenal scorers excel chart is fucking empty. Not even a fucking goal this season. The only midfielder that has not scored a goal for Arsenal is Aaron Ramsey because he has played only 2 games. Even Tomas Rosicky scored his first goal since the days Uther Pendragon ruled Camelot.

@enigma106's Arsenal goalscorers chart

Where it really hurts is that we also have players that deserve to win titles but the team always let them down.

How can a FA Cup and World Cup winner like El Capitan bleed on the pitch to score 19 goals and give over 15 assists, breaks his leg while playing for the same team in March only to end up trophyless with the rest of the undeserving lot. If we go trophyless at the end of this season, I won’t hold any grudges against him if he climbs to the summit of Mount Everest, grabs a megaphone then screams out loud, “Barca, come get me”. As long as both parties agree on an “acceptable” price.

How can a FA Cup winner and World Cup silver medalist like execute a scissors kick to level the League Cup final for his team and get injured in the process. Yet his team couldn’t win the trophy despite that amazing contribution.

How can a consistent right back like Sagna work his ass off week in week out since 2007, crossing delightful balls into the opposition area, tackling and anticipating balls from the opposition players, get stamped on by fools like Bowyer, get charged on by bullies like Rooney yet his proposed medal cabinet contains Black Widow spiders that are as “black” as him.

I won’t say anything about Vermaelen because I know that our defense would have been a better place with him in it. His Achilles has stripped us off his coordination, aggression, influence, positioning and athletic ability.

I would also say anything about Nasri because he just joined the “winning party” this season.

I love Arsene Wenger.

I was a fan when he won 2 doubles and went unbeaten. I’m still a fan now that he’s going through this barren spell without a trophy.

There was a time when AW the Alchemist ruled the club like god-king Xerxes of Persia. Those that were not “good enough” got their heads “chopped off”. Not literally though.

Players like Richard Wright, David Bentley, Arturo Lupoli, Jeremie Aliaderie, Junichi Inamoto, Francis Jeffers and others like them got the “axe” from AW the Alchemist because they weren’t good enough.

AW the Alchemist has turned into Alexander the Great when he settled in Babylon. He took a Persian wife, told them to continue in their own ways. These made his generals disgruntled and they “poisoned” him.

I really hope that he stays with us for another 15 years. He just needs to change his “approach”.

Jack Wilshere put this on Twitter.

“@Jack_wilshere: We showed good character to come draw and even could have nicked, fans were brilliant today….thanks for your support <3”

I really love Jack Wilshere. His character is exemplary even if he’s 19. But he’s quite wrong….

Arsenal didn’t really show character, WBA showed resolve

The definition of the “resolve” I’m talking about is the number 5 definition in the picture below.

Check Number 5

….to reduce by mental analysis…

The burden has been lifted.

It’s time to drink my ice cold Guinness that has been in this glass cup.

Speaking of “cup”, I’ll end this post with a not so funny joke.

What’s the difference between Tea and Arsenal….Tea stays longer in the ‘cup’’.


….thanks for your support <3>ur support <3>”e draw and He just needs to change his “tinue in their own ways. These made his g