Daily Archives: April 9, 2011

Wilshere gets nominated, B52 talks about DNA and that £50m price tag

I want to apologize for not writing a post yesterday. I was really hooked up and wasn’t chanced to use my laptop either.

Arsenal’s Jack Wilshere has been shortlisted for the PFA Young Player of the Year award 2011 along with Nasri, that dark Michael Jackson like Portuguese right winger Nani, the World’s best left footed Chimpanzee Bale, Man City’s custodian Hearty Joey and Everton’s Coleman.

Nani for some reason known to only Aliens and intergalactic beings was overlooked for the senior category and he’s definitely not in the forefront of this junior award. However, some eyebrows have been raised for the exclusion of Newcastle then Liverpool’s Andy “WWE Edge” Carroll and Man Utd’s Aztec Warrior Javier ChiChi. Carroll did very well for Newcastle from August to January scoring 11 goals in the process. He did so well that he was called up to the England squad at the age of 21 and commanded a British record transfer fee of £35m in his transfer to Liverpool. ChiChi at the other hand has been excellent for United in his debut season at the club. The young Aztec Warrior was expected to start his Man Utd as back up to the Bulgazilian striker Dimitar Berbatinho but his cameo goal scoring appearances was enough for him to dislodge Berbatinho from the starting lineup at some point though.

The World’s best left footed Chimapnzee Bale has been in sensational form for Twitch FC this season. His biggest feat was that superb hattrick in San Siro against Internazionale. He even created a new English word known as the a la Maicon. If a winger gets the ball and makes a complete fool of the opposition’s full back, it certainly means that winger A did the a la Maicon on full back B. Coleman has however been the most consistent performer in the inconsistent Everton. His surges down the right have been a bright spark for them this season.

There’s side talk that the real competition for the coveted Young Player award is between Wilshere and that Chimp. Bale’s shot to prominence and “World Class” status after his blistering runs down the left flank coupled with the hattrick that almost saw Twitch FC stage the unlikeliest of comebacks against Inter. Even though the Chimp blazed Europe with his fiery performances, he couldn’t emulate the same form in the Premier League. Injuries have also played a major role in Bale’s second half of the season.

Wilshere on the other hand was never expected to play half of the 41 games he has already played this season. Wikipedia and Google will probably tell you that Wilshere is 19 but his pugnacious spirit has showed throughout this campaign. At the beginning of this campaign, he was only 18 and everyone including me thought that he’ll be sent to Bolton again for another spell. With the way MadMan Coyle literally kissed AW’s arse for Wilshere’s services, I thought that AW the Alchemist would buckle and send Wilshere out on loan again but the Whizkhid’s determination and work rate during the pre-season exercise convinced AW the Alchemist enough to give him his first Arsenal start against Count Hodgson’s Red Vampires in Anfield Transylvania. Since then Wilshere has been a regular first team and the only Arsenal first team player that hasn’t booked a date with the beautiful hotties in our physio room. The only time he was out this season was when he earned himself a red card for that rash challenge at BeanPole Zigic in October. This season the Whizkhid has provided that stability that Arsenal craved for since the days of Vieira and the Flanimal. Wilshere has earned enough plaudits this season for his performances from AW the Alchemist, his teammates, @enigma106 and Fabio Hitler.

Wilshere at 19 already nails a regular starting place for England and Arsenal which is normally supposed to be a monumental task for a 19-year old but he has handled the pressure amicably and admirably. Fabio Hitler has even gone as far as saying that someday Wilshere would be the first man to come out of that tunnel with a younger child holding him and 10 other players at his back but with the way the media Vultures make a fuss about the England captaincy I wouldn’t want to see Wilshere involved in such tomfoolery.

With all the raw talent Wilshere has, he’s also a very intelligent player who’s mature beyond his age. He has the first touch other players wish to have at 25 and he’s extremely calm in possession. He was so calm that he flourished when he played against midfield demigods like Xavi and Iniesta in the 16th of February at the Emirates. He also won that vital ball right at the death in the Nou Camp a fornight later before feeding a striker he thought that would have been intelligent enough to score with Arsenal’s first attempt at goal. A striker whose mouth plays better than his feet, if Bendtner scored that goal we would have been assured of our semifinal place because we would have been more than a match for Shakhtar. Wilshere’s talent knows no bounds because he’s an exceptional dribbler who has a good tackling prowess and an amazing strength and stamina for such a small physical body.

One negative attribute that I feel Wilshere needs to improve on with time is his clinical proficiency in front of goal. He has to work on his finishing to add the cutting edge. As poor as we were against Blackburn, Wilshere had Arsenal’s best chance of the game from 6 yards out but his finish was atrocious but regardless of that shortcoming, Wilshere has done more than enough to win that coveted award.

Thanks Kos and Szszsz, there goes my 1st trophy

With 24 Arsenal starts in 30 league games played, Wilshere’s durability and consistency has made him priceless to Arsenal FC so I hope that on the 17th of April 2011, the most exciting talent present in England will win the laurel that he thoroughly deserves for his excellent, mature, creative and solid displays this season.

In other news, Nicklas Bendtner says that we should show that we have the DNA of Champions. This is the only season in football that biology has been linked to football a thousand and one times. It started in the summer when those World Cup winning Aliens said that El Capitan possessed BarcAlien DNA so he had to sign for them and warm their bench a bit with his DNA. Xavi, Iniesta and Pique were the players that couldn’t keep their Alien mouth shut. I also wrote in my post on the 28th of March that Wilshere needs to still some DNA from Man Utd’s Korean Wong Fei-Hong and Liverpool’s Dutch Mr. Dick Stamina if he wants to play in the Under-21 Championship without suffering a burnout.

It’s Bendtner’s turn to talk about DNA. Instead talking about the DNA that deals with amazing height or wearing pink boots he talks about the DNA of Champions. He was our unsung hero last season with those late vital goals but it has been a different ball game for Bendtner this season. His groin operation after the World Cup meant that Arsenal was robbed off his services till October. That was the time when Chamakh was firing all cylinders. Bendtner has scored 9 goals this season but most these goals have come in games that we were sure-fire favourites to win or him adding to the 10 that have already been scored in a match.

My best Bendtner goal

His first league goal was in the 3-0 whooping of Man City in their turf. It was the 3rd goal that killed off the game. His only other league goal came in our last game in 2010 against Wigan that ended in a 2-2 draw because Squillaci wanted to defend his French Arsenal No. 18 heritage of scoring an own goal at least once a season. Cygan and Silvestre did it before him so the Squisha was going to be no different. His 3 Carling Spoon goals came against Newcastle and Ipswich while his 4 FA Cup goals came against Huddersfield and Leyton Orient. Like I wrote earlier, his goals have come in games that we were sure-fire favourites to win. Chamakh on the other hand scored the winner against Birmingham and the 2 vital goals against Wolves. He also scored goals that killed the morale of the opposition before another teammate killed off the tie completely. The games against Partizan and Aston Villa will come to some minds. In his Arsenal debut, Chamakh also made Reina concede that 90th minute own goal. I’m not going to write about rVp because he’s way over their leagues.

On the final day of the most expensive and busiest transfer windows in English football, Chelsea FC signed Fernando Torres for £50m.

What a waste!

When it comes to FT9 and his failure to score for Chelsea, fingers may be pointed to his loss of confidence or the burden of expectation emanating from such a mammoth price tag.

His debut goal for Liverpool came against his present employers where he showed devastating speed and marvelous skill to get unto Steven G’s superb through ball before guiding it with his left foot past that Rugby head gear wearing Czech goalie that’s probably James Blunt’s clone. Torres also broke Ruud Boy van Net Destroyer’s foreign debut goal scoring league record after scoring 24 goals in 33 appearances. He finished the season in 2nd place behind Man Utd’s league terrorist CR7 who slammed in 31 out of his incredible 42 goals in the league. Emmanuel Greedybayor came 3rd with 24 goals because he played more league games than FT9.

Since his £50m move south to the city of London, he has played 9 games, given 159 passes, crossed the ball 13 times, fired 28 shots, created no chances for his teammates and has scored that the standard amount of goals you expect Mikel Obi to score in a season….0. He’s now 11th place in the list of Chelsea strikers that have scored goals in the first 9 games.

Crespo the Nomad leads the rankings with 6 goals in his 1st 9 Chelsea games, Didier the Drog Man had 5, Druggie Mutu had 5, K-legged JimmyFloyd had 4, Nneka the Bald had 2, ShevyShevy had 2, Hairstylist Pizza had 1, Eidur the Icelandic legend had 1, while Mohawk Kalou and 100Dutchleaguegoalsin3seasons Mateja had 0 with Torres but the only difference is that they had assists.

But if Torres or any of his numerous fans are reading the section of my post for today, there’s a glimmer of hope somewhere.

The tunnel

Reverend Father Dennis the Intelligent cost Arsenal £7.5m form Inter but it took him 7 games to find his rhythm. The Arsenal faithful ended up voting Dennis the Intelligent as their 2nd greatest player of all fucking time behind Thierry “Igwe” Henry who cost s us £10.5m from that Old Lady. Henry needed 9 games to find his feet before opening his Arsenal account with that magnificent shot against Southampton in the Dell in October 1999. The floodgates opened for Henry and he went to break every goal scoring record before making his own which stands proudly at 226 goals. 174 of these goals came in the league.

Torres can also find solace in knowing that it took Jabulani king and 2010 World Cup’s mVp Forlan an amazing 27 games to find his footing in Man Utd after his £7.5m move from Independiente. Sir Alex Chewie deemed him not good enough so he was sold to the Yellow Submarine in Spain were he flourished under the tutelage of Pellegrini. In 2005, he and Henry forced the cunthounds in UEFA to make another Golden Boot because they were tied at 25 goals each. We all know his exploits in his present employers Atletico Madrid. He singlehandedly won them the inaugural Europa League last season.

I still feel that using £50m to purchase a player like Torres was a very poor piece of business. Torres was bought for goals. Let me tell you how to blend business with goals. Arsenal’s strongest XI this season did not cost up to Torres transfer fee but they have notched up 60 goals between them.

Fabianski cost us £2.6m from Legia Warsaw. Sagna, Clichy, Vermaelen and Djourou cost us £7.5m, £250k, £10m and nothing from Auxerre, Cannes, Ajax and Etoile-Carouge respectively. The midfield triumvirate of Song from SC Bastia, Wilshere and El Capitan cost us £1m, nothing and nothing. Our strongest attacking trio of Nasri, rVp and Walcott cost us £12m from Marseille, £2.7m form Feyernoord and £7m from Southampton respectively. We know that Walcott’s deal will increase after a certain number of international games but that part of the deal hasn’t been completely.

The sum total of the initial amount of Arsenal’s strongest XI stands at £42.9m.

Clichy and Djourou have a goal apiece, Sagna and Wilshere have 2, Song has 5, Fabregas has 9, Walcott has 11, Nasri has 14 while rVp has 15 goals to his name. That’s a sum total 60 goals this season from 9 players. Vermaelen and Fabianski don’t have any to their names but I’m certain that Verm might had tucked in a few it he was fully fit.

Still sticking to transfers news, AW the Alchemist has sadly told us that Ramsey, Frimpong and Lansbury will be part of his plans this season so I fear the worst this summer. This means that more dust will be seen on our cheque book.

Shockingly enough, AW the Alchemist has literally brought out the white flag saying that 2nd place will be a success this season.

When I was in high school I was envied a lot by my footballing peers because I witnessed my team win two doubles and go unbeaten for an entire season. A couple of FA Cup trophies were won along the line but when I entered my University, I suffered many moments of heartbreak and High Blood Pressure just because I supported Arsenal FC. I also endured a million and one taunts from my footballing peers because a Black Widow spider was having fun in our trophy cabinet.

where's the Black Widow?

Now I’m out of school and the manager of the club after my heart tells the media Vultures that coming 2nd would be labeled as a success. In my lexicon, success isn’t linked to 2nd place.

Well I’ll still keep the faith.

I hope you will.

Here’s to Jack Andrew Wilshere

The soon to be crowned Young Player of the Year.