Daily Archives: April 17, 2011

Speculation about ol’ Patty, the calvary is back and Liverpool preview

After a lil break, I’m back to doing what I do best….blogging about Arsenal FC. The club after my own heart, the club that shares the same colour with my blood cells, the club that has given me fond memories down the years, the club that I always look forward to managing every time a new version of Football Manager comes out but most recently, the club that has raised my blood pressure to a new level.  Apologies for not writing any post, my mobile network e-M-p-T-h-e-N has been a sharp pain in the butt during this period. In as much as I write my posts with my laptop, my BlackBerry still has a role to play because I have Twitter and the rest of the other apps I need a thing or two from.

After Mr. Kroenke dominated the headlines with his raised stake and impending takeover, the club regrettably announced the passing away of a backroom hero, Mr. Danny Frizman who died at the age of 66 after a long battle with illness. He was one of the figureheads that orchestrated our move to our new home from Highbury, May his soul rest in perfect peace.

RIP Bo$$

AW the Alchemist has reassured the fans that he’s in full control of the footballing affairs of the club. It means that when Mr. Usmanov finally decides to sell his shares to the Kroenked one, he won’t be like some Arab richling that will give AW the Alchemist a mega treasure transfer chest or like some U.S.S.R. dictator that will bring a player or two to his yacht before giving him the Red and White to wear. A dictator that sacks managers when he gets bored. After winning Chelshit’s first ever double last season with 1 million goals scored and 1.5 million points, it seems as if his position as manager is under threat. Carlo the Cannibal has already told the media Vultures that he’s not scared of the boot.

Carlo the Cannibal doing his signature raised eyebrow move before eating his prey

Even if I share the same birthday with Carlo the Cannibal, that’s his fucking problem. If he gets sacked, the World as I know it won’t end, if he doesn’t get sacked, the World won’t end still.

At least he can do himself some good by reading the user manual for his misfiring Fernando Torres. Count Rafa Benitez just unveiled it.

Arsenal renowned for being a club that loses players through mysterious and normal injuries that last till eternity but it’s heartwarming to know that 3 of our key players are returning in the nick of time.

After Saturn head Alves ruptured Szczesny’s finger tendon last month, I thought that Szszsz’s rise to stardom had been halted for this season at least. The hotties at the physio room led by Colin Lewin raised our hopes by saying that he’ll be back in mid-April. After seeing Almunia make a fool of himself against West Brom and raise some blood pressures against Blackburn, his knee probably left its socket so Mad Jens was called to play his first competitive game in over a year. He got a 7.0 rating from me but our next opponents will attack us with a different approach with shots flying in and crosses from all over the galaxy. All Lehmann has to offer in a football game right now is his experience and organization but he clearly lacks in pace and his concentration and reflexes are quite questionable so Szczesny’s re-introduction to the squad is well timed.

With tomorrow’s game, the Tottenscum make-or-break game in hand and a trip to the Reebok in the upper week, Szczesny’s services will be highly needed because we could do with some clean sheets provided we do our bit upfront.

If Szczesny’s returning is good news, there’s even greater news. Johan Djourou is back in the squad after dislocating his shoulder last month. Djourou’s return brings a glimmer of hope because our defense has been more organized when he was present. With him in the squad, we have a winning percentage of 79 fucking %, the best for any Arsenal player. Last month I wrote a post about our players and their winning percentages. You can check it out by clicking here.

African Blondie Song is also back in the squad and there are emerging tales that the Verminator has resumed full training. I thought that he was out for all eternity but I never knew that eternity had a date. Maybe it’s sometime in April or May. Hmmm!

As a fervent fan of Football Manager, I manage Arsenal a lot because it’s the team that I support in reality. At the start of every campaign, I always hand out a new contract to my favourite assistant, Patrick James Rice. We rule the club for a few seasons before he decides that when I click on his profile nothing will appear. That’s right…in Football Manager Pat Rice retires around 2012 or 2013 or thereabout but there are tales that this might be his last season with Arsenal Football Club.

Ol' Patty

Mr. Rice was born in the same year with AW the Alchemist but he’s a few months older than our manager. While AW the Alchemist and Tomasz share the same birthday on the 22nd of October, today is Pat Rice’s 62nd birthday because he was born on the 17th of April which is……today. 🙂

Ol’ Patty represented Northern Ireland 49 times in his footballing career. He joined Arsenal in the 1965/66 season but broke into the squad in the 67/68 campaign. While Patty was doing his thing for Arsenal, my dad was fighting for the Igbos in the Biafran War. He notched up 397 league appearances for us and scored 12 league goals.

After retiring at the age of 34, he was employed as a youth coach from July 84’ to September 96’ before he assumed the mantle of the assistant manager to AW the Alchemist. It would be very painful to see a stalwart like Ol’ Patty leave us but should he decide to leave Arsenal should ensure that they’ll give him the best reception at Craven Cottage and the best retirement party ever. I can even apply to be the piñata.

Anytime Patty retires in my Football Manager, I always prefer to promote a coach to the coveted position of being my number 2 because in the “club knowledge” bar, he’s would be full. My candidates over the years have been Liam Brady, Neil Banfield, Boro Primorac or David Court but it seems as if Under-18 boss Steve Bould will get the nod. Let’s keep our fingers crossed though.

Arseblogger wrote in one of his famous posts that the quadruple has changed to the onetuple and a series of bad performances will make it the nonetuple. ManUre United where gunning for the unprecedented treble at some point in their life but Mallam Yahaya showed that he’s not only a high earning sack of potatoes by scoring that all important goal that resigned them to defeat. It was really good seeing ManUre United lose yesterday because I had a barrage of phone calls, BlackBerry pings and tweet mentions when we lost to Birmingham in the Carling Spoon final. Our loss to Birmingham even created a new Twitter trend called #TheLasttimeArsenalwonatrophy.

Arsenal hosts Count Dalglish Red Vampires today, knowing that only a victory is needed to rekindle that title flame that’s fading with each passing week. This week is going to be vital for us because we know that the bloody game in hand against our bitter rivals Twitch FC will finally get off our backs.

The leader of the Anfield Transylvania covern Count Dalglish says that Reina the Bald can show us what we are missing. I can understand where he’s coming from. It’s been a while since we saw a goalie throw the ball into his own net after some pressure from the opposition striker. The last time we saw that was sometime in mid-August.

Show us what we are missing….Europa League football I guess.

Liverpool is in resurgent form with their big winter buys getting plaudits for all the right reasons. Suarez made mince meat of Man Utd’s defense and scored that impossible goal against Sunderland. WWE’s Edge scored the winner for Newcastle against us at the Emirates in November days but he scored two goals in their whitewashing of present FA Cup finalists Man City. That’s right…FA Cup finalists. Add that to yer shit, ManUre United 🙂

Walcott is wary of the threat Carroll poses so he says that it will do our World good if we keep him quiet. But with Djourou back in the squad I’m pretty sure that we’ll have no problems with WWE’s Edge’s aerial threat. Djourou’s presence brings out the best in Koscielny so let’s hope that they’ll click well because it’s been up to a month since they played with each other. The Squisha has done his bit but it’s time for him to warm the bench with his French arse.

For team news, I expect Szczesny to be thrown back to the line of Red Vampire fire by AW the Alchemist. Almunia’s knee hasn’t returned to his socket so his services will not be needed even if it seems as if he’s training again. I just hope that he won’t have setbacks.

Sagna is still a doubt so we could give another runout to our favourite farmer Eboue. I just hope that he’ll be able to quell the threat Suarez poses. The Djourcielny formula might be reignited in the centre of our defense. Clichy will continue at left back although I hope that he has thrown away his Self Destruct remote.

Since the African Blondie is back, I believe that he’ll be drafted back into the playing squad to partner the Whizkhid Wilshere in the holding role. El Capitan would be in front of them. His long ball over the top mutilated Blackpool’s defense but I think he’ll take a different approach today.

The attacking triumvirate would be Nasri on the left, Walcott on the right and rVp spearheading the attack.

When we had ten games to go, it was said that our only tough encounters where going to be against Liverpool, Tottenscum and the Red Hell Owners. Sunderland, West Brom and Blackburn brought us back to reality.

Man Utd deserves to win the league based on performances but as I wrote in a former post, “you don’t always get what you deserve”. Yesterday’s game showed that without the Rich RooThug, they are not that much of a force.

Mr. Rooney, please I could do with more swears to the camera.

Arsenal, the Red Vampires from Anfield Transylvania don’t play too well under the Emirates Sun because they fear for their skin. Their last 11 visits to our turf haven’t yielded fruit.

I know that this season records have been changed and scripts have been rewritten but I’ll prefer to stick with history here.

Here’s to a happier blog post tomorrow.