Daily Archives: May 5, 2011

Vermaelen set for action, the media Vultures and a new assistant manager on the cards

All those that hoped for any upsets in Old Trafford went home unhappy because Man Utd have geared themselves up for the sequel to the Champions League final that took place in 2008. After his World Cup and Champions League exploits, the media Vultures ran out of superlatives for Manuel Neuer but the goalie decided to have a Manuel Almunia moment when that shot trigger happy Irish midfielder lashed a shot in his direction. I guess that there’s always a Manuel moment in you. Our rivals Man Utd might end up with a League and European Cup double or end up trophyless just like….

After staying out for all for eternity, Thomas Vermaelen played 90 minutes against Man Utd’s reserves and came out unscathed. He said a few days ago that he’s raring to go but he made a point that the final say rests with the boss AW. When we played Man Utd on Sunday, Djourou picked up an injury and he might be a doubt for Sunday’s game so the media Vultures are insinuating that the Belgian defensive leader would make his home coming in the Britannia Stadium when we play those footballing thugs that robbed us of Fabregas and Walcott before the Carling Spoon final. Heaven knows that El Capitan and Walcott would have made a major difference in the tie against Birmingham but there’s no point opening an injury that’s already sealed with a bandage. I’ve done that many times in previous posts.

AW has the services of Vermaelen, Koscielny and the Squisha for Sunday’s encounter but I have a hunch that he’ll feature the latter two. In as much as we all are happy that Vermaelen can walk the face of the Earth again, putting him against those bullies won’t be in our best interests. Mathematics tell us that we still stand a chance of winning the league but realism also tells us that we blew our chances when we had them so the only thing we can do right now is to end the season with 76 points. If it’s enough to win the league, so be it. If it’s enough to seal 2nd spot, so be it and if it’s not enough for the first two options….so be it.

The English Football Press reminds me a lot about Vultures in Africa because all they do is to hover around teams and create stuff so that they sell a thing or two. Most times, they could be correct. Other times they could be the ‘c’ in crap. When the January transfer window loomed, they released all sorts of stories linking Arsenal to several defenders from the Milky Way because it was evident that Vermaelen’s absence meant that a dire replacement was needed at the back. They brought up tales about a beanpole defender that was happy in the city of Bremen drinking his German beer. They also brought up stories about a Bolton defender that would cost us a fortune if we were to acquire his services. They laud Cahill as if he’s some superstar sent from another dimension but I’ve not been too impressed by his exploits on the pitch. When we played Bolton, the best he did was to clear the ball off the line after Nasri had the second bite of his cherry. He was still part of the Bolton side that were sodomised by Stoke City in the FA Cup semis. The Vultures felt that linking us to Mertesacker and Cahill were not enough so they linked us to Blackburn’s handsome captain that can jump as high as a kangaroo. At least he has a 20/20 jumping attribute in Football Manager 2011. With the winter transfer window shutting close, they linked us to an ex-gunner that started his career with us and seems to be heading for npower Championship football next season. They said that he would be regarded as a short-term signing because he’s approaching his twilight years in West Ham.

The media Vultures have recently gone to their ovens and have baked new Arsenal news for the World to read. They say that AW wants to kiss Stuart Pearce’s ass so that Wilshere will spend his summer holidays basking the London Sun instead of playing in stadia that have land mines in Scandinavia. The kind of land mines that blew Bendtner’s ankle to oblivion while he was training with his teammates in Denmark. Let’s get this straight. AW doesn’t want Wilshere to participate in the Junior tourney because he feels that Wilshere is now an established England international; Mr. Pearce has included the youngster in his provisional squad because at the age of 19, Wilshere is eligible to play at Under-21 level; Wilshere on the other hand wants to play in the tourney without our blessing and he even wants to go as far as playing in the Olympics next summer knowing fully that England is going to feature in the Senior European Championships that will take place in the summer at Ukraine and Poland. So why on Earth will AW go back to Pearce to beg him so that Wilshere would stay? Wilshere should remember what happened to Gilberto Silva in the 2007/08 campaign. After leading Brazil in the Copa America, our skillful holding midfielder told AW that he was fatigued. AW unleashed the Flanimal to the World causing Gilberto to lose his place in the squad. Wilshere shouldn’t forget that he has a young rival in the squad waiting to get his chance to erupt. Aaron Ramsey.

Samir Ben-Said Nasri signed a 4-your deal when he joined Arsenal from Marseille in 2008. This means that his present deal is set to expire in the summer of 2012 so contract talks have been imminent but the midfield maestro is still stalling for reasons best known to Aliens that are scared to attack the Earth because Chuck Norris is still alive.  This has caused the media Vultures to say that Arsenal has decided to take a flight to Ukraine and take a lucky dip on one of their South American contingent as Nasri’s replacement. They say that after AW put his hands in the Shakhtar South American box that contained Brazilians and Bolivians, Willian emerged as the lucky winner. The best part is that they have even given Shakhtar a price to start with…£22m. Bleeeeeh!

The biggest story by the media Vultures involves our captain, El Capitan. They always feed us with clichés that Barca will do this and Barca will do that but they have decided to switch over to their rivals, Real Madrid. They report that the 9-time Champions League winners are willing to offer us £35m for his services but should they sign Nuri Sahin of recent Bundesliga champions Dortmund, they’ll tell us to ‘fuck off’ politely. If the combined crappiness combo of Milner and Torres could command £85m, Arsenal’s captain should be worth at least more than half of these two players equating a starting price of £42.5m. Even though if the info sounds crappy, I’m sick and tired of teams talking too much and unsettling players when they can afford them. I have a slight hunch that the prospect of being a Barcelona player fucked Fabregas’ psyche in the early part of the season so he struggled with form. Look at our Blue neighbours Chelsea; on the last day of the winter transfer window, Carlo the Cannibal told his boss that he needed to sign just two players that would help his cause. Out of the blue, £71m surfaced from nowhere and the Italian manager signed Torres and David Luiz. If a club brings £71m for Fabregas, I’m pretty sure that Mr. Kroenke and Mr. Gazidis would choke on their wine and hold a serious meeting with AW. In Football Manager, your board won’t even give 2 fledgling fucks about you before selling the player off.

In other Arsenal news, it seems evident that Pat Rice would really wave his goodbyes to the Arsenal faithful so it’s now obvious that a replacement has to be lined up because every manager needs a number 2. The media Vultures and fans alike have touted Under-18 boss Steve Bould as Rice’s replacement but it seems as if backroom meetings are taking place for the promotion of Reserve’s boss Neil Banfield to be AW’s number 2. Whether it’s Neil Banfield, Steve Bould, Boro Primorac, Gerry Peyton, David Court, Liam Brady or Steve Rowley for all I care, it’s good to know that Pat Rice’s replacement would be someone who has the Arsenal running through his veins so if it’s going to be Neil Banfield, I hope that the Arsenal faithful will be behind him. Seeing Pat Rice clap to all the fans in our last home game might leave a tear or two in my eyes. I just hope that we’ll give him a retirement party that he’ll never forget.

Henri Lansbury’s Norwich have been promoted to the top flight after 6 years of knocking on the Premier League’s door. I hope that we’ll get 6 points from both encounters.

Arseblog is one of the most respected and recognized blogs in the Arsenal World. I started reading it from my days in the University and became a devoted reading addict to the site. I love the fact that he’s Irish and he has this flavor that enthralls all his readers, me included. Arseblog has been nominated as one of the best blogs in the EPL so you can vote for the blog by clicking here

The Tweet of the day goes to @Sir_Scribbles, a Man Utd fan. He wrote this tweet after he realized that his club might be whooped again by Barcelona.

“@Sir_Scribbles: Why am I even worried? The final is on the 28th. The World is supposed to end on the 21st. Messi ntoooor! We won’t play so you won’t win. Ha!”

Scientists and their bloody end time predictions. It has even attacked the mind of a football fan. It’s a joke though.