Daily Archives: March 6, 2012

Arsenal vs AC Preview: Mission Impossible 5

Agent Arsenal,

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to host some goons from Italy with the sole aim of banging a boatload of goals past them because they stand in your way in your bid to reach the Promised Land called the Allianz Arena.

A fortnight ago, we sent you behind enemy lines for the Italian Job but you were on the wrong end of some bashing so we had to extract you quickly from enemy territory.

Even the best agents have a bad day at the office, but you were surprisingly shocking in checking your rearguard. You also faced a hostile crowd, brilliant hosts and a pitch fit enough to rear cattle.

This time on your turf, you’ll be aided by a list of the finest 11 secret agents available redeployed from our world-class agencies. Szszsz the big Pole will guard your sticks while the Verminator and Bosscielny will be at the heart of your defense. Don’t be bothered about the enemy striking from your flanks; we have stationed Bac the Man and Quickie Gibbsie there.

There’s only one Song but he will be supported by Little Mozart and Isreal’s own version of white magic called Yossi. Your attack will be very potent with the raw pace of Usain Theo Bolt and the trickery of Le Forehead. 

You’ll be led by our goalscoring Weapon of Mass Destruction from Gotham, Robin.

This message will self-destruct in 5, 4, 3, 2…

Arsene Wenger labelled Arsenal’s performance in San Siro as the club’s worst night in Europe and he was right to go berserk in the wake of such an appalling display.  AC Milan were gifted the match-opening goal when Wojciech Szczesny’s poor clearance found Antonio Nocerino whose chipped pass found Kevin-Prince Boateng and his volley was sumptuous to say the least.

Milan went two up when a simple pass from Emanuelson caught the defense on the back foot. Zlatan Ibracadabra waltzed into the box and crossed the ball to Robinho whose header placed it past Szczesny. Rosicky lost the ball far up in the middle of the park and a Milan attack saw Zlatan tee up Robinho that drilled his effort past Szczesny. It’s also worth noting that Thomas Vermaelen slipped at the vital moment.

AC Milan put the game beyond doubt when another Rosicky error from midfield saw an attack that made Djourou want to swap jerseys with Ibra in the box. The Swede dispatched the spot kick to compound Arsenal’s misery.

Off the field, Ibrahimhovic has been stealing the headlines by telling whose who actually give two hoots, the reasons why he snubbed Arsenal when Merlin was still the Chief Wizard of Camelot. Despite uttering a lot of gibberish, there was a catchy phrase:

“No way, Zlatan doesn’t do auditions.”

Arsenal followed up the humiliating defeat with another poor showing in another stadium fit for rearing cattle, the Stadium of Light. The Gunners have recorded two morale-boosting victories against Tottenham and Liverpool and its fair to say that spirits are high once again at the Emirates.

Arsene Wenger is quite optimistic about the game and he stated that his team wants to make the impossible possible:

“We want to make the impossible possible. From the first leg it looks impossible but we have to have a real go, play with belief and think we can do it. You never know. Maybe I will change the structure of the team to go for it and see if we can put them under pressure and score some goals.”

“We have nothing to lose. For us to find the right balance between having to completely go forward and not concede a goal will be the difficulty for us because they have talented players.’

I can’t deny that AC Milan has a vast array of talent in its squad but on Arsenal’s day, impossible is nothing. The Champions League has showcased some scintillating displays from Arsenal with the Road to Paris 06′ run the most remarkable. However, AC Milan’s arch-rivals Interzionale, were on the wrong end of some battering from Thierry Henry and co. a few years ago despite a commanding first leg victory.

AC Milan’s gaffer Maxi Allegri has reiterated that his team is not going to be complacent and he also told Arsene Wenger that he won’t win any major trophy until he signs world-class players.It’s fair to say that the “high spending policy” worked for Allegri as the acquisitions of Robinho, Zlatan Ibrahimovic and Antonio Cassano played a vital role in AC Milan’s Scudetto success story last season.

Arsene Wenger has the summer to rectify that so we’ll have to make do with what we have for the remainder of the season. Wenger has told his players to forget about the first leg and he stated that he’s resting his key players for the match against Newcastle is not an option.

Irrespective of the result after 90 minutes, my undying support for Arsenal will not change. Wenger joked about playing six strikers because he needs goals but he has a goalscoring Weapon of Mass Destruction in the form of Robin van Persie.

If Arsenal wants to qualify for the Champions League quarter finals, only a faultless performance will do.


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