Last night, the Premier League was braced for a series of fixtures that would go a long way in reshaping the destinies of various teams.
Manchester United set the pace at the summit of the league so victory was paramount for Manchester Shitty against Chelshit. In the battles for the other Champions League slots, Tottenham hosted the Rugby goons of Stoke while Arsenal visited Goodison Park to take on Everton.
Tributes were paid to Fabrice Muamba as “Get Well Soon” t-shirts were worn at White Shite Lane. Everton wore t-shirts tagged “Pray for Muamba” while Arsenal branded his picture on their t-shirts with “In Our Thoughts” written boldly on them.
Aaron Ramsey returned to the starting lineup with the Ox axed but it was basically the same side that won Newcastle right at the death nine days ago.
Everton had kept three clean sheets at home coupled with three wins with Man Shitty, Chelshit and 5pur2 humbled there this season.
Arsenal almost got off to a flyer when some brilliant interplay between Mikel Arteta and Tomas Rosicky exchange short passes before the Czech captain lofted a ball into Everton’s danger area. Robin van Persie cushioned the ball perfectly for Aaron Ramsey but the Welshman miscued his effort wide off the mark.
Theo Walcott made mince meat of the Everton defense before teeing up the ball for van Persie. Ramsey arrived on the scene with a well-struck effort but it was blocked by the dogged defense.
Van Persie swung in his corner and Thomas Vermaelen rose the highest to nod the ball home, leaving Tim Howard rooted to the spot.
Moments later, Laurent Koscielny invoked the libero spirit of Franz Beckenbauer to start a mazy run that saw him take on all comers before he got clattered by Sylvain Distin.
Alex Song lost the ball in midfield and a quick Everton attack saw Royston Drenthe through on goal. The Dutch winger dispatched his effort past Wojciech Szczesny but his effort was wrongly adjudged to be offside.
Koscielny and Szczesny almost shared another Carling Cup like horror moment but Jelavic’s intercepted header sent the ball wide. Rosicky offered the last meaningful attack of the first half with a shot that stinged Howard’s palms.
Everton put their foot on the pedal in the start of the second half and almost went ahead from a Jelavic header but Szczesny was equal to the challenge.
Alex Song floated in one of his penetrating projectiles that was headed to van Persie’s direction by Kieran Gibbs. The Flying Dutchman showed off his amazing technique to hit the ball first time but the post came to Howard’s rescue.
Theo Walcott used his pace to create a chance for Ramsey but his effort was saved by the American goalie. Howard was probably protecting some prominent figurehead in another part of the world, we all know what “happens” when Aaron Ramsey scores.
Drenthe almost smashed in Everton’s equalizer but he floated his effort over the bar. Arsene Wenger took off Walcott for Le Forehead and brought on Johan Djourou for Rosicky late on.
Szczesny (7.0) had a boring day at the office but he responded well when he was summoned.
Sagna (7.0) did okay but was on the end of a barrage from Everton’s left wing that supplied a lot of crosses.
Koscielny (8.5) was a beast at the back and showed off his composure amidst adversity.
Vermaelen (9.0) scored the goal while performing his attacking duties and was a colossus at the back.
Gibbs (8.0) was very impressive down the left and has certainly throw down the gauntlet for Andre Santos.
Song (7.5) dominated his midfield and protected his back four admirably. His hairstyle is an aberration though.
Arteta (7.0) got the reception he craved for but didn’t really stamp his authority in a place he once called home.
Rosicky (7.0) put up a good shift with his tentative style of play and was unlucky not to get into the score sheet.
Walcott (7.0) helped his right back in defense and used his pace to win a lot of infringements for his side.
Ramsey (7.0) wasn’t on many people’s good books for missing his chances but he worked his skins off last night.
Van Persie (7.0) supplied the match winning assist and was denied by the post.
Gervinho (7.0) made some intelligent runs down the left flank.
Djourou: N/A
While Everton’s Steven Pienaar was labeled as a “double agent” to help Tottenham’s cause against Arsenal, Arsenal flushed out an money-driven operative to Manchester City and he scored the goal that sealed Chelsea’s fate.
Elsewhere, I was happy when Rugby prevailed over football as Stoke handed a fourth defense on the trot for Twitchy Ol’ ‘Arry and his Chickens on Basketballs.
The results from last night’s fixtures were reflected on the Premier League’s table. Liverpool’s surprising 3-2 loss to QPR saw them retain seventh spot. Man Shitty’s win over Chelshit put them back on Manure United’s track but it also stunted Chelshit’s progress as they remained rooted to fifth spot.
Finally, Arsenal’s win over Everton coupled with Tottenham’s defeat to Stoke has seen the Gunners go ahead of Tottenham for the first time since September.
The quote of the day goes to Michelle Smith,
“@arsenalbabexx: Mind the gap. What gap? The spuds have just fell in to it.”
Sayonara
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