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Newcastle 4 Arsenal 4: Diaby’s sheer stupidity ensures that we share the spoils in the battle up North

I normally chip in a joke or two when I start a blog post. I’m too pissed to write any of that.

After telling the media Vultures how much he disliked the “pink” kit, Wojciech “Szszsz” Szczesny had no choice but to put the same dreaded jersey he despised earlier on.

The lineup I guessed in yesterday’s post was almost the same. I wrote that for a match of this nature, I would prefer Denilson. AW the Alchemist should have read my blog post…..he chose the bald French player that suffers from a syndrome known as “Diabytes”.

Arsenal got off to a flyer in just 40 seconds. Diaby gave a quick pass to Arshavin who in turn fed an onrushing Walcott. The pacey winger did well to shove that Puyol Wannabe to calmly place the ball past the Newcastle goalie.

While we were still in dreamland from scoring our earliest goal this season, Arshavin swung in a delightful curling ball into the box that was headed in by Johan Djourou. That was his first ever goal in Arsenal colours. 3 minutes up we were 2 goals to the good.

rVp was hacked down by 2 players but the ref of the day, Phil Dowd blew for a foul…….against rVp. I tend to wonder how much Mike Ashley gave him because his officiating was the “P” in poor.

Koscielny delivered a poor backpass to Szszsz. Our goalie did well to evade their striker and pass the ball to Clichy.

Walcott linked well with Sagna throughout the first half. He received a ball from Diaby, ran into the box then sent a good cross to rVp. He used his chocolate leg to smash the ball home.

Szszsz did well to make a save from the opposition attack.

Wilshere and Cesc “El Capitan” Fabregas linked up well in the box but his shot was saved.

With just 26 minutes gone, another good interplay led to a pass that fell to Sagna’s path. His peach of a cross was duly delivered by rVp’s head to make us go 4 goals to the good.

For a striker that’s renowned for his left boot, the goals with his head and his right leg just shows us how “complete” he is.

The camera men were probably tired of the walloping and gave us a view of the grim looking Newcastle fans. Some fans even decided to call it a day with just half an hour gone.

The Argentine Puyol of Newcastle attempted a weak overhead kick that went out for a goal kick.

Djourou had a tussle with their striker that looks like Drake the musician. His knee hit Drake on the back of his head. It wasn’t his intention though.

El Capitan sent a delightful long ball to rVp but the finish was poor because he didn’t really “connect” with the ball well.

At 4-Nil down, the Newcastle players went berserk and started throwing in challenges.

They succeeded in injuring our “Injourou”. Sebastien “Squisha” Squillaci came on in his place. Jack Wilshere was also scythed down by one of their players but he came out unscathed.

With Arsenal comfortably in the driver’s seat, our ultimate moment of madness came when Abou Diaby earned himself an early bath for being extremely stupid.

“@arsenalrant: Imagine, if Diaby had just rolled around feigning injury, Barton might have got a yellow and where would we be now?”

Diaby was recklessly challenged by the most technically gifted brawler in England. It was a tackle that would have earned the tout a yellow card at least. All Diaby needed to do was stay on the ground for a few seconds. He stood up, grabbed the tout by the neck and pushed him to the ground. He still had the time to push Newcastle’s captain to the ground after he came to the tout’s rescue.

Why is Diaby so foolish? Did he think that he could take on Joey Barton in a fight if they took it outside the pitch? This is a player that went to JAIL when he was at Manchester City for brawling.

Phil Down rightly sent him off and that changed AW the Alchemist’s game plan for the worst.

The series of events that happened next were unexplainable to the neutrals. The key factors of the team that loses a man during a match are co-ordination and concentration. We lacked both and we were punished for it.

Newcastle made the numerical advantage count by launching a series of full fledged attacks that brought out the best in our young goalie, Wojciech “Szszsz” Szczesny.

Man Utd reject Simpson fired a close range volley at our goal. Szszsz was up to the challenge.

Nolan was next to try the Arsenal goal but Szszsz made another good save.

The 48 year old Dowd made a lot of decisions that changed the cause of the game. I can stand by him for brandishing a red card to that Diabytes infested player. The penalties he awarded to Newcastle were very soft. He singlehandedly brought them back into the game.

Koscielny had a weak tussle with Drake in our box. His leg touched the ball but he made some contact with Drake. The striker fell to the ground like someone that had been shot with a sawn off shotgun from behind. Mr. Dowd pointed to the spot.

The technical brawler Barton sent Szszsz the wrong way and ran quickly to get the ball. Szszsz grabbed the ball so that the game won’t be restarted quickly. Nolan ran to our goalie and wrestled him to the ground. Szszsz got a yellow card for his trouble.

AW the Alchemist brought in TR7 for Arshavin.

Newcastle’s other center back headed goalwards but Szszsz made another outstanding save.

Drake scored a goal that was ruled offside.

With more pressure from the right hand side, a cross came into our box from some bloke. Drake jumped with Clichy and controlled the ball with his hands. Szszsz and Koscielny rushed towards the striker but it was too late. Newcastle 2 Arsenal 4…..Thoughts of that epic African Cup of Nations match between Angola and Mali started coming into my head. From 4-Nil down. The game ended 4-4.

Newcastle’s Ranger of the Nile had a shot that was also saved by Szszsz.

Joey Barton crossed the ball into our box. Koscielny and TR7 jumped with a Newcastle chap to challenge for the ball. I expected a simple goal kick for the chance that Newcastle had spurned. What I saw was Mr. Dowd blowing his whistle and pointing to the spot. How on Earth was that a penalty?

Barton fired it to the middle to make Newcastle one goal short of making history.

In the 87th minute, all Arsenal fans worst nightmares became one big reality.

Someone crossed the ball into our box. It was headed away to “safety” in the form of an unmarked Chiek Tiote. His left foot volley slammed the back of our net thereby causing and eruption in St. James Park.

All the Newcastle players jumped on the mohawked Ivorian…..even James Harper the goalie.

Kevin Nolan almost made all Newcastle fans go into orgasm by missing a chance that almost went in. If he made it 5-4, I don’t think there might have been a blog post because I’m pretty sure that I would have smashed my BlackBerry on the ground.

So there you have it.

Half time 4-0, full time 4-4.

We didn’t play like a side that deserved to win Premier League.

When Man Utd lost Evil Twin Rafael to a red card in White Hart Lane, they put up a performance that almost made them feel as if it was 2 points lost rather than 1 point gained.

AW the Alchemist had all the time in the World to get us a center back but he chose the miser’s approach. Johan Djourou left the pitch for what might probably be a shoulder injury and might face a lengthy spell at the sidelines.

I’m sorry to say that but the Squisha is the definition of the word, Shite. If the BarcAliens play us with him at the heart of our defense, I’ll fear for the worst.

Szszsz (9.0) was undoubtedly our MotM. He conceded one real good and three fictitious goals. Two being penalties. Sagna (6.7) gave a good assist in the first half. Clichy (6.6) did okay. Injourou (7.0) scored his first ever Arsenal goal. Koscielny (5.8) self destructed when his “real” partner left him. Diaby (4.6) may probably have started his last game in Arsenal colours. It will take me a lot of time to forgive him. Whizkhid (6.4) tried his best in midfield. El Capitan (6.5) dropped deep after Diaby’s tomfoolery got him sent off. Walcott (7.9) gave a good assist and scored a goal Thierry Henry would have been proud of. Arshavin (6.9) gave a good assist. rVp (8.5) showed his clinical finishing ability with 2 well taken goals. Squillaci (5.5) disappointed me. TR7 (6.0) had no impact in the game. I wonder if it was him or Koscielny that conceded that fake penalty.

Eboue didn’t play long enough to get a rating.

At half time, my blog header for tomorrow would have been “Newcastle 0 Arsenal 4: Payback using some Carling Spoon deja vu”

But I couldn’t wait for tomorrow to publish this post…

It seems as if a burden has been lifted off.

I manage Arsenal in Football Manager 2011 and I wasted no time in selling Diaby to Bayern Munich in my first season. Lemme check if he has any red cards for the club.

As dark as tonight might be I’m finding solace in this tweet.

“@ladyarse: In the grand scheme of things, regardless of how disappointing today was, we’ve just won 6 and drawn 1 in last 7 in league”

That’s why I love Twitter.

You’ll see basically any and everything there.

In as much as Diaby has annoyed me today. I won’t unfollow him on Twitter. He’s a player, I’m a die-hard fan.

You can ƒølløώ him @OfficialDiaby2

Time to get back to some Football Manager.


Transfer speculations, Diabytes returns and AW the Alchemist talks about tomorrow’s draw

†нє best thing about being a football fan is getting ready for each match as they come rapidly. All talk about †нє defeat against †нє Red Hell Owners have faded away rapidly and all eyes have been turned to Saturday’s encounter with †нє Red Striped Rugby boys.

When we visited them for a league encounter in February, †нє game was a very feisty affair. Their first goal came from a routine Rory “SpringHands” Delap throw. After all †нє box 18 tussle, a bloke called Puke or something like that gave them †нє lead. Nicklas “Wald Bezt” Bendtner equalized for us with a fine header. Cesc “El Capitan” Fabregas scored a penalty and Thomas “Verminator” Vermaelen scored †нє winning goal. Both goals came in †нє dying moments of †нє game. †нє match will be remembered for one main event….†нє horrific double fracture of Aaron “Rambo” Ramsey’s leg. †нє clumsy nitwit that broke his leg got a red card and continued playing his football after a 3-match ban. We went there again in †нє FA Cup and lost 3-1.
There are emerging tales that Ryan Shawcross would have “extra security” when he arrives in London. I believe that injury is a tale of †нє past because †нє man he took out of action for 9 months in now trying to gain match fitness in Nottingham Forest. †нє only frustrating thing about Rambo’s injury was that he had really improved as a player in that period and was well above Diabytes and NwaSamba Denilson in †нє midfield selection.

AW said that his team is “ready” for anybody we would face in †нє Champions League knockout phase. †нє likeliest candidates to visit †нє Emirates in February are Schalke 04, Bayern, Real Madrid and Barcelona. We have met Schalke twice in †нє Champions League. We were paired in †нє same group in †нє 2001/02 season. We beat them in Highbury and lost in Veltins Arena, Gelsenkirchen. We met Real Madrid twice, which was in our road to Paris 06′. Thierry “Igwe” Henry scored †нє solitary goal in †нє Bernabeu while we had a goalless stalemate in Highbury. Our record against Bayern isn’t that good with 1 win, 1 draw and 2 defeats in 4 meetings. I remember Igwe scoring †нє only goal in Highbury but it wasn’t enough because Aunty Pizzaro scored twice in †нє 3-1 defeat at Allianz Arena. †нє last team left to talk about is Barcelona. Our first ever meeting was in †нє Paris 06′ final. We all know what happened there. We also met twice last season and †нє memories of both games are not really delightful. Barca came to our turf and taught us how to pass †нє ball. I can remember at some point in that match, they had up to 78% possession. Manuel “Stainless Steel” Almunia gave us a 1st half we will never forget but undid himself by allowing Zlatan “Turkey” Ibrahimovic to score two goals. †нє Little Wizard Messi was quite in that game and King Henry was brought in to play against †нє club he scored 226 goals for. There was a late rally with †нє introduction of Theo “Wal Kuint” Walcott and we made it 2-2 thereby setting ourselves for a crunch match in Camp Nou. †нє squad that played in Camp Nou was very depleted with vital players in our squad missing. William “Mercenary” Gallas, Andrei “Hotty” Arshavin & Robin “glassboned” vanPersie were all missing through injury. Club captain and talisman, Cesc “El Capitan” Fabregas had a double dose of injury and suspension. We scored first through Wald Bezt then †нє Little Wizard brought out his wand and unleashed a series of spells on us. †нє game ended with †нє headline “Little Wizard 4 Arsenal 1″.
To be frank, i would love us to play with any other team except Barcelona. They play like a team from MaRz. I have never seen a team whose players have telepathic understanding with each other. Their one-twos are exquisite and they have quality oozing out in every position. I just have this very bad feeling that we’ll be paired against them. Tomorrow’s draw will tell.

Roy ”Keano” Keane labeled †нє english El Classico as rubbish. He also said that †нє match lacked “intensity”. He should shut this pile hole and should be happy that his former team won †нє match. He should make sure that his Tractor Army shows us †нє intensity when we visit Portman Road in January.

†нє media are it again. We know that Stainless Steel’s departure is imminent. †нє media have come with two spicy tales that Arsenal is willing to sell Emmanuel “Farma” Eboue for £7m with †нє likeliest destination being Stadio Olimpico in Italy, †нє home ground of AS Roma. †нє joke of †нє day however is that Real Madrid want to offer us Karim Karim in exchange for Gael “Flash” Clichy. Now that’s what is call Classic BullShit. Why on Earth will we exchange our on and off yet dependable left back for a striker that was poor enough not to make his national team’s World Cup squad. We all know that Raymond Domenech is an arsecrater but Karim Karim is young of those youngsters that were just overhyped. Him like Owen we very good in their former clubs but made a wrong career decision leaving for green pastures. If Karim Karim stayed in Lyon, we would have made †нє French World Cup squad. Mr. Jose Moaninho…..thanks but no thanks.

After a series of rehabilitation, Diabytes is back in †нє squad. There’s something about that player. On his day, he can be a joy to watch but when he decides to have a bad day at †нє office, he can put up a very putrid performance. Thank heavens he’s back because he will add to AW’s selection headache.

Wald Bezt might miss out on †нє squad playing †нє Red Striped Rugby boys because †нє Baroness of Denmark is having his baby. If he decides to be on †нє pitch, AW should start him because i know he’ll be dying to do †нє “hand rocking” celebration when he scores a goal.

More on †нє match preview tomorrow.

Here’s to tomorrow’s draw.

Please Platini, don’t give us Barca.

I heard that †нє beer in Germany can be very nice in March. Show us some “German” love