Defensive Frailties, Massive games and Walcott’s goalscoring ambition
December has started very well. †нє ghosts of November are dead and gone.
Happy times are back again for we gooners. Its time to take each game as they come rapidly.
†нє month of December is a very vital month in †нє Premier League. †нє team that is bottom at Christmas has a 90% chance of getting relegated. WBA were †нє only side to escape †нє feat in Premier League history. †нє Carpenters, Wild Bingoz and WigWig have been struggling this season. If all three sides get relegated and we win †нє league I wouldn’t give a pig’s snout.
This month sees a series of encounters between †нє Gunners, Cashlings and Red Hell Owners. These three sides are locking horns to drink Champagne at †нє end of May so victories against each other would see a team rise well above †нє others. In †нє premier league’s “Super Sunday”, Twitch FC host †нє Cashlings while †нє Red Hell Owners host us. †нє game is of massive importance to both teams. A win for †нє Red Hell Owners would see them leapfrog us to †нє summit with a game in hand against †нє Fruities. We simply cannot let that happen. As I’ve said earlier, a draw won’t be †нє end of †нє world as we know it.
Before we take on †нє Red Hell Owners we have to do a little “pest control” on group H’s whooping boys, Partizan Belgrade. They do not have a chance in Hell to participate in †нє Europa League (A place that would be ours if we slip up) so they are coming to †нє Emirates to “fulfill all righteousness”. †нє moufs at UEFA made a fixture list around September so †нє final ties of group H are Shakhtar v Braga and Arsenal v Partizan. A win against Partizan won’t guarantee us first place, it would only ensure qualification. †нє draws for †нє knockout round could us play a team like Barca (*gulps*) so Mr. 99Matheus, do your thing in Ukraine. Shakhtar spanked Braga 3-0 in Estadio AXA. That was †нє same ground 99Matheus ran †нє show against us. We’ll just have to beat Partizan and hope UEFA would be kind enough to give us Schalke or something. A draw or an embarrassing loss to Partizan coupled with Braga whooping Shakhtar would see Arsenal Football Club play their night football on THURSDAYS. Guess you know what that means.
We are in †нє Carling Spoon semis and “top of †нє league” so †нє squads confidence is sky-high. We are acting like X-Men’s Juggernaut and we all know what happens when he gains momentum…..He becomes unstoppable.
Theo “Wal Cunt” Walcott is saying that he wants to reach †нє 15-20 goal mark this season. With his limited playing options, I am quite pessimistic about that claim. †нє left wing belongs to Hotty Pancake, †нє right to El-Rufai. †нє middle has a lot of options there but its all down to AW. He’s †нє manager of †нє side so he’ll do what’s best for his squad. Wal Cunt has Igwe’s predatory finishing ability but his decision making has let him down a million and one times. He can reach that mark if he’s deployed as a centre forward but we all know in Arsenal that our centre forwards are not van Nistelrooy, Inzaghi or Crespo like, they are strikers that are quick thinkers, light footed, highly technical and link up play perfectly. Wal Cunt is not in that mold yet.
Bacary “Timaya” Sagna has also been talking about our atrocious form against †нє “big boyz” and saying that its high time we set things right.
I’m with him on that one. There used to be many times when †нє Cashlings scored us first then †нє game somehow had a habit of ending 2-1. It was during †нє Pre-Moaninho era. In his 8 meetings with us he won 4 and drew 4. We managed a victory against †нє Phat Brazilian but Guus Guus and Carlo †нє Cannibal have continued Moaninho’s trend. I feel a bit sorry for Carlo †нє Cannibal. I used to like him a lot in his Rossoneri days. His ass is on fire right now and we all know what †нє U.S.S.R. dictator can do. There was a time †нє Cashlings had 3 managers in 2 years…5 managers in 4 years could be †нє new headline for †нє Vultures at SkySports.
Yes, we have been winning matches but †нє goals we’ve been conceding have been quite embarrassing. With short men like William “Mercenary” Gallas, Kolo “koloynash” Toure and Mikael “BeansHead” Silvestre our opposition used a simple tactic. Ball over †нє top and it worked wonders for them. This season has been a lot different, Injourou and Kos100%tackle have dealt with that tactic. †нє latest trend was invented by us. †нє Arsenal Self Destruct Remote Control Button. †нє primary user of this button is no one but Gael “Flash” Clichy. It hurts me that his brain is not as fast as his legs. One minute he’s with †нє ball, †нє next our opponent is with it. †нє annoying thing is that our opponents never get to say thank you to Flash because †нє ball usually end in †нє back of our net. Against Fulham, he passed †нє remote to Sebastien “Squisha” Squilacci. Denilson borrowed †нє remote against Braga. I pray Flyin Fabbi never gets his hands on that remote because all his good works will be undone. He grabbed †нє bull by its horns and balls. You wouldn’t want to let a bull free after grabbing its balls hard. I hope we rectify this soon.
Alexandre “Sabinus” Song was a joy to watch in yet another trophyless campaign last season. He combined his aggressiveness with sublime technique and first touch thereby storming †нє gooners with scintillating displays. This prompted we gooners to gracefully accept †нє loss of Mathieu “Flattuso” Flamini and Lassana “Beans” Diarra. This season has been something else, with two holding midfielders in †нє playing squad, Sabinus has been storming forward unnecessarily leaving †нє dirty work Jack “Whizkhid” Wilshere. His passing has been poor and he had a stinker against Fulham. We all as fans expected AW to address †нє situation but AW is telling everyone that he is †нє one telling Sabinus to go forward. Disappointing if you ask me.
Even as we concede horrible goals, we have a very potent attacking force that is spearheaded by El-Rufai, ChiAmaka and Hotty Pancake.
Let’s hope 99Matheus do us a favor.
Happy Table-topping Monday
Let’s enjoy looking down on †нє remaining 19 CuntButlers from Mount Premiership.