van Persie 3 WigWig 0: A legend in †нє making
First things first…..Wojciech “Szszsz” Szczesny got his wish.
“@53Szczesny53: Can’t wait for the game tomorrow. I am doing my best to avoid the pink kit :)”
He avoided †нє pink kit. He wore grey
Gooner Daily’s expected lineup and that of †нє team that played WigWig yesterday was an exact match.
Tomas “Banana Lomo” Rosicky was still missing. This tweet explains it better.
“@ladyarse: i ran a poll yesterday, most people think that TR7 is still behind the stand at Leeds looking for the ball Arshavin lost”
@ladyarse got it all wrong. That ball injured Zeus himself.
The third best team played the third worst team. The League’s highest scorers at that time played the League’s lowest scorers.
It was a one-sided contest from start to finish.
We started brightly with Robin “glassboned” van Persie showing some good movement up front. The ball fell to Samir “El Rufai” Nasri’s left boot. The WigWig goalie Al ibn HabHab had a storming first half against us. He did well to save El Rufai’s shot.
The next attacking move led to a goal scoring opportunity for Cesc “El Capitan” Fabregas but he was wrongly ruled offside.
WigWig created a good chance for themselves with a good long ball “over the top” but Szszsz showed good anticipation by running out to head the ball away from danger. The scary part was that the header almost reached the halfway line.
Gael “Flash” Clichy had a very good game. He used his great pace to great effect and supported the attackers well. He crossed a delightful diagonal long ball to Theo “Wal Kuint” Walcott. Wal Kuint trapped the ball sweetly and sent a nice pass to Glassboned vP. He didn’t really connect well with his “choco-leg” but Al ibn HabHab still pulled a magnificent save because the shot was at point blank range.
El Capitan was fouled at the edge the box but fell into the penalty area. The ref rightly gave a free kick outside the box. El Rufai spurned the free kick though.
El Capitan fed Wal Kuint a nice ball, he then put up an amazing run and “returned the favour” back to El Capitan but a defender saved the day.
Then next highlight wasn’t really nice. El Capitan was hacked down by one of the Caldy brothers. The free kick by Wal Kuint was disappointing though.
Our midfield trio interchanged passes before the ball got the Alex “Sabinus” Song’s path. He did a nice step over then teed up a nicely cushioned through ball to Glassboned vP. The finish however was emphatic.
That lead gave us some breathing space but we didn’t take our foot off the pedal.
Jack “Whizkhid” Wilshere was having a dominant game in the midfield. He combined well with Bacary “Timaya” Sagna on the right hand side who in turn sent a good ball to El Rufai. El Rufai did everything right in the box by setting up El Capitan for what seemed like an easy chance to go 2 up. Al ibh HabHab had other plans. El Captain fired a volley inside the box, it didn’t rattle the WigWig net.
Late in the first half, Glassboned vP sent Wal Kuint through in the middle of the park and he was caught in two Worlds whether to shoot or pass to his captain who was also clear. He passed to El Capitan but he was quickly closed down.
El Rufai had two shots saved before halftime. The first was a nice drive while the second was a slow side-footed placed shot.
At the stroke of halftime, the commentator said that “AW is supposed to have folded his arms and crossed his leg but it’s not to be because Al ibn HabHab who used to be a fireman has put out enough fires”.
The 2nd half started the same way it ended for Arsenal.
El Capitan and Wal Kuint were connecting with strong telepathy. It was evidenced by their good passes together. El Capitan tore open the WigWig defense and fed Wal Kuint in the box, Al ibn HabHab commited himself but the angle was too tight so Wal Kuint fired wide.
The second goal showed class from start to finish. El Capitan had the ball in midfield then used his eagle-eye to locate his vice captain with a delightfully weighted through ball to Glassboned vP’s path. The first time volley was top notch.
The celebration was so simple. Knees on the ground, hands on air.
El Capitan had an issue with WigWig’s skipper, the older Caldy. He tried to apologize but the old Caldy acted like a young c*nt and shoved our captain off.
WigWig’s Honduran Figure delivered a good cross to Cashlings reject di Santy but he nodded wide. That was WigWig’s only chance in a match they were in the back foot through out.
Whizkhid created space for himself for scoring chance for himself. The finish was poor.
El Capitan exchanged passes with Whizkhid and El Rufai to create a chance for himself. There were 3 WigWig players there but El Capitan still had the time to joggle the ball 3 times. He was challenged by a WigWig bloke so he hit his ass on the turf. With the ball slightly above him he attempted an overhead kick. That was brilliant.
Alex “Sabinus” Song gave a good through ball to El Capitan but the older Caldy scythed him down in the box. The man with the whistle wasted no time in awarding Arsenal with a penalty and send the older Caldy off go for an early bath.
Just before Glassboned vP was about to take the spot kick, the commentator talked about players that have scored a hattrick with their favourite left boot. Cartoon FC Leon “Bezty Leoni” Best and Andy “WWE’s Edge” Carroll.
Before the spot kick, a sea gull passed Emirates Stadium and dropped a massive dose of shit on Glassboned vP’s jersey. Glassboned vP forgot about the net and aimed the sea gull with precision. Al ibn HabHab went the right way though.
That was his chance to seal his 1st hattrick in Arsenal colours. A feat that Nicklas “Wald Bezt” Bendtner and Wal Kuint has achieved before him.
The penalty miss spurred Glassboned vP to seal his hattrick. He curled one towards the net but the post rescued Al ibn HabHab
In the 75th minute, Andrei “Hotty” Arshavin came on for El Rufai. The commentator raised a point as Hotty stepped unto the pitch. He said,”Andrei Arshavin is having a patchy form but form is temporary, class is permanent”. I can’t argue with the commentator on that. Hotty has class but is having a horrible run right now. I still hope that he’ll come good.
When the 80th minute mark approached, the commentator talked about the 3-2 defeat to WigWig last season. There was no way in Hell that WigWig could repeat that feat against us.
Glassboned vP and El Capitan did well to set up Sabinus but he fired wide.
The El Capitan-Wal Kuint telepathic show came up again with El Capitan sending a good through ball over the top to Wal Kuint’s path. Wal Kuint didn’t get it under control but noticed the presence of a predator in the box. While he did well to hold off the WigWig defender, the glassboned predator stepped up to use his choco-leg to slam home his first senior hattrick in Arsenal colours.
That was his last contribution because he was withdrawn for Marouane “ChiAmaka” Chamakh thereby earning a standing ovation in the Emirates. NwaSamba Denilson also came in for his “friend” El Capitan.
Wal kuint killed another sea gull late on. I think birds need to stop flyin past †нє Emirates.
Szszsz (6.8) kept another clean sheet thereby giving AW the Alchemist a cause for concern. Flash (6.9) was very impressive today. Timaya (7.1) attacked well and supplied good crosses. Kos100%tackle (6.6) was relatively untroubled with his partner, Injourou (6.7). Sabinus (7.2) did well in midfield and supplied an assist. He needs to go back to the saloon and do his “makeover” again. Whizkhid (7.1) was likened to Brady and Gascoigne. El Capitan (7.5) ran the show in midfield and gave a superb assist. El Rufai (7.0) was too slippery for defenders and fired some good shots. Wal Kuint (7.3) surprised me with his dribbling skills and wise decision making in the final third. That has always been his flaw. Glassboned vP (10.0) put up a 5-star performance and created chances for his teammates. Even missed a penalty thanks to that sea gull. Hotty (6.3) stayed on the pitch for 18 minutes. ChiAmaka and NwaSamba won’t get ratings today.
Since joining from Ryo “Gunner Ryu” Miyaichi present club Feyernoord for £2.8m in 2004, glassboned vP has made 143 league appearances and he notched up 54 league goals. He has a potent shot on his left foot and is equally adept on the right. He has a good heading ability and an amazing technique. He scores free kicks, swings corner kicks and he even creates chances for others. The last time we had a striker this complete, he went on to score 174 league goals and 226 Arsenal goals from 1998 to 2007. An Arsenal legend. Thierry “Igwe” Henry.
Sir Chewie’s Red Hell Owners continued their unbeaten run by raping McAlbino’s Blues with †нє Bulgazilian forward, Berbatinho scoring his 3rd hattrick of †нє season. You tend to wonder when they’ll lose.
I thought Yakubu’s miss against Chinko Republic was horrible…..Keith Fahey…You wankhammer.
This tweets say it all
“@Nicarlos: It’s not that Man Utd played good, it was because Birmingham were so shit”.
“@ladyarse: Birmingham’s defending makes Wigan’s look world class, awful, awful performance”.
So with 23 games gone, we are still 2 points off. †нє Red Hell Owners will be playing †нє Fruities while we aim for Wembley on Tuesday. I’ll prefer them to be 3 points ahead of us. 5 points will add unnecessary pressure on us and more bragging rights for them. My day will definitely be complete if we win Jewelry’s Tractor Army and find out that †нє Red Hell Owners are still “2 points”ahead us. We all know what that means.
Since we are still in †нє quad its time to welcome Jewelry’s Tractor Army in the Carling Spoon semis 2nd leg. I heard that AW †нє Alchemist killed †нє Black Widow Spider in our cabinet, so all †нє cobwebs are gone.
Lest i forget, that was our 4th consecutive league clean sheet in a row.
The tweet of the day goes to our own Jack “Whizkhid” Wilshere
“@jack_wilshere: To be honest i can accept losing to an arsenal legend like @Persie_Official . I would’nt mind scoring goals he can!!!”
Here’s to an Arsenal legend in †нє making
Robin “glassboned” van Persie