Hala Madrid 4 Twitch FC 0: Arsenal, are you watching?
I had yesterday’s game between Tottenham and Real Madrid in mind so I decided that I wouldn’t publish any post till after the game at the Bernabeu. Tottenham qualifies for the Champions League for the first time and Ol’ Harry Twitchy gets the accolade for boss of the season. Even Carlo the Cannibal’s 1 million points and 1.5 million goals was not enough to win the award.
For as long as I can remember Arsenal has been a force to be reckoned with in the Champions League. In the early 00’s, John Carew and Valencia troubled our lives. We were knocked out in our home turf in 2004 by Chelsea in the quarter finals. That famous “one-two” that passed between Toure’s legs can’t be forgotten. Two years later we went all the way to the final in Paris but lost to Barcelona. On the day we needed our most lethal striker, he lost his shooting boots. If he converted those two early chances, history would been rewritten. 2007 saw us lose in the first knockout phase to PSV thanks to Alex who scored for both sides. If Hleb didn’t wrestle that chap to the ground near the corner flag, Alex wouldn’t have left his defensive position to nod the winner. The ref played a major role in our quarter final exit to Liverpool in 2008. Kolo did not bring down the tower of Babel in our box. We showed a lot of promise in 2009 with our impregnable home form but in the semis, Man Utd came to our turf and fucked us in the arse. We all know what that Little Wizard did last season and we also know what he did this season to Almunia.
If Tottenham are learning how to fly in the Champions League, we have been to the moon. As much as I hate everything they stand for, I must commend them for winning a group that had Champions League holders Inter, German heavyweights Bremen and Dutch champions FC Twente. I didn’t give them half a chance against AC Milan but they beat the 2007 champions narrowly and brought out the baby in the modern day beast known as Gattuso.
Before the match against Madrid, I saw a tweet from @jimthegooner.
“@Jimthegooner: Dear Ade, Just to clarify even if you score 15 goals against the Spuds tonight, we still HATE you”.
Ade didn’t score 15 against Tottenham but he scored two well taken headed goals. Di Maria scored a superb goal to kill the tie off at 3-0. My friend Chuck Bass retweeted a tweet by @gunnerblog
“@gunnerblog: A stunning goal from Di Maria, who was only a work permit away from joining Arsenal in 2007”.
Every player in the Milky Way has been linked to Arsenal FC in this realm or the next. Some say that Zlatan Turkeymovic was on trial with us, others say we missed James Blunt….Petr Cech by a lick of paint. Some say that we missed CR7 when he was a youngling while others say that Rodrigo Palacio had even agreed a deal with us. I’m still waiting for the arse that will say that we had Lionel Messi when he was 3 before some Aliens abducted him and took him to the BarcAlien Mutant Academy in Planet Krypton.
CR7 put the icing on the Madrid cake with a 4th goal that went past Gomes. At least Ronaldo lived up to the tag as one of the core members of the League of the Premier League’s Terrorists. The ring leader of the League of Terrorists is Alan Shearer. His vice leader is Robbie Fowler. Our Thierry Henry is the director-general of the sub zonal EU non-British zone. There you can find terrorists like K-legged Hasselbaink, Yucky Yorke, Eric Cant the Terrible, Le Tissier and host of others. CR7 just got inducted to the league after he left for Madrid. There was a place for Torres but Drogba’s village acts has ensured that FT9’s name has been removed from the list.
The best tweets came from @ladyarse.
“@ladyarse: Adebayor only got two, he needed six for forgiveness but a good job anyway. We still don’t want you back”
“@ladyarse: If this goes on, the Spurs players would be greeted in the airport by Arsenal fans”
Don’t you just love Twitter? You can follow Chuck Bass by clicking on his name.
When Madrid visit White Hart Lane, I’ll make sure that I get my popcorn and 3-D glasses ready because I’m sure that it’s gonna be one Hell of a game. At least Moaninho may play the winner between Barca and Shakhtar. I would have said that Moaninho’s Madrid would play Barca but after seeing what Schalke 04 did to holders Inter, my lips have been sealed. Shakhtar was gangbanged at the Emirates but they recovered well enough to beat us and top the group even if Clichy played a major role. They gazumped Roma home and away so I feel that Barca shouldn’t write them off. I won’t bother myself watching those Aliens play when Chelshit and Man Divided take on each other.
Going to issues concerning the Red and White, AW the Alchemist has rallied his troops and said that it’s time to reflect on our form and fight with what we have left. It’s really disappointing write a Tuesday/Wednesday blog post when there’s no night football for us. Few months back, there were Cup competitions, European football and replays, replays and more replays. We now know that we’d play Sunday matches till the season is over so we have to give our all in every game we have left.
Every fucking game from now to late May should be regarded as a Cup final even though the last Cup final we entered didn’t end well thanks to the cock-up between the French Pole and the Pole. In my Football Manager Kos got called up and capped by the Poles. He has been called up by Mr. Blanc though in reality.
rVp also says that it’s up to him and his teammates to fight till the end. There’s nothing more painful than giving your all and doing your own bit for your team yet you still end up on the end of a draw or even a defeat. In all the games rVp has scored this season, Arsenal hasn’t even drawn. They’ve all been victories but we lost in the most important of them all…..The Carling Spoon final.
He injured his knee after scoring that effort and struggled throughout the game. Fabregas must have thought that he was going to grease his elbows to lift our first trophy in 5 years but we watched Steven Carr do the honour of celebrating the end of a 48-year barren spell. Some people might be sympathetic to Birmingham but we were odds on to lift that trophy. There’s no fucking need opening sealed wounds.
In other news, our favourite farmer Eboue has been linked to our bitter rivals and noisy neighbours Twitch FC. I think its bullcrap because I don’t see our Farmer joining our rivals Tottenham. He’s one of the players that I feel might depart this summer because he has featured sparingly while Sagna has maintained full fitness and has been consistent as always in his play. I would prefer the Farmer to stay but we all know how AW the Alchemist is when it comes to player departures. He lets them leave instead of stamping his authority as the boss once in a while. I wouldn’t blame AW the Alchemist though because he’s more like a father than a boss. He pampers his Arsenal kids a lot and there have been many spoilt brats.
Mad Jens put a better performance in the 4-2 Reserves victory against Sunderland Reserves. I obviously didn’t watch the game but @YoungGunsBlog summed Lehmann’s performance with this tweet.
“@YoungGunsBlog: Quick word on Lehmann from tonight. Looked much better than v Wigan. Organised well and made some good saves. Still nervous in possession though.
Just in case AW the Alchemist wants to change his mind
The tweet of the day goes to a friend of mine @tjcesc
“@tjcesc: There’s only one club in London that can go to the Bernabeu and WIN”.
If it was a £1,000,000 question in Who Want’s To be a Millionaire, I wonder what the answer might have been with the options A. Chelsea B. Tottenham C. Arsenal D. West Ham
From my headline, you should know that option B sucks.
Madrid 4 Tottenham 0: Arsenal, are you watching?