Szczesny rallies the troops, Wilshere is football crazy and that game in hand

If the matches Arsenal Football Club plays are drinking aftermaths and @enigma106 is “Arsenal”, I’ll describe the 6-0 win against Blackpool as @enigma106 going to a party, having so many drinks with friends, meeting a girl at the party, going back home with her , shagging her then living happily ever after. I can also describe our 4-4 draw with Newcastle as @enigma106 going to a pub with more friends, drinking to stupor, being dragged back home by friends, falling into a gutter while trying to take a leak, carried out of the gutter by my friends again then puking on my bed when they had left me. Finally, I’ll describe Sundays 1-1 draw with Liverpool as @enigma106 opting not to drink but being advised to accompany some friends, meeting a girl who offers only ONE glass of Hennessey Cognac, takes me to her house for us to make out, takes off her clothes then I puke on her bed.

You know how fucked up it is when you puke on her bed when she was about to make out with you. You’re so not getting down again after you’ve hoped for some action.

Back to reality and the affairs of the Red and White, I’ll start with a comment that was posted in my previous post by my ever faithful reader, ChiEbuka Nworah.

“Given the amount of abuse they have suffered this season, it’s about time someone started a group called Arsenal Anonymous, where people who have been persistently abused by the club can meet and share their burden in the company of like-minded individuals”.

“Hi, my name is Pimpin and I’m an Arsenalholic. I believe that it was the referee’s fault”

“Hi, my name is Kankankalait, I’m pretty sure that we had a penalty and Arshavin wasn’t offside”

“My basic argument would be this; if you take the lead in the 97th minute and fail to win, you don’t deserve the title. It might be simplistic, but I tell you what, it’s the fucking truth. All Farmer Eboue had to do was to shepherd Lucas out of the area for roughly 3 more seconds and Liverpool would have been vanquished. Even the Gunnersaurus would have managed to do that. But when you have beaten only Leyton Orient and Blackpool in the past two months and have gone 270 minutes without scoring at home, blaming the officials again begins to look more than preposterous.”

I’m only going to take a sentence from this comment,

“if you take the lead in the 97th minute and fail to win, you don’t deserve the title”.

Let me juxtapose between this present day Arsenal squad and the squad that won our last league title in 2004 using some matches that brought us under serious scrutiny.

If Arsenal was leading Wigan 2-0 in 80th minute at the JJB stadium 7 years ago, the Wigan players would’ve put up a late rally to get a consolation goal at least but a counter attack launched by Cuntley Cole will get to Pires before his through pass will reach Ljungberg then the Wigan goalie would trip the quick winger thereby causing a penalty that Igwe Henry would convert to kill the game off at 3-0. If Arsenal was leading Newcastle 4-0 at half time with Gilberto getting a red card, Arsenal would switch to 4-4-1 with Reyes on the left , Pires on the right, Vieira and substitute Parlour in the middle with Henry striking alone. Knowing fully that a strong rock solid base of Cuntley Cole, KoloMentality, Big Sol and Lauren are at the back with Mad Jens behind them, Arsenal’s attacking 5 will hit Newcastle with 3 extra goals to end the tie at 7-0. Middlesbrough and Everton can attest to that. Finally, if Liverpool parks the bus at Highbury and Graham Poll blows for a penalty in the 97th minute after Father Dennis Bergkamp has been tackled in the box, Henry would chip the ball coolly through the middle and the game would end at 1-0 because the goal was scored in the 97th minute for fuck’s sake.

Before the game against Blackburn it was known that if Arsenal won their last 9 games, the title would be theirs mathematically. What we witnessed was a bore draw against Blackburn, a solid yet nervy win against Blackpool and a puking-before-sex outing on Sunday.

Arsenal are currently 7 points behind Man Utd and are at the home stretch of the league. If this was a 4X4 relay, you could say that Arsenal is the 4th lap and can only win the race if the Man Utd runner suddenly matches a banana peel somewhere on the track and falls hard on his ass.

It’s always good to hope but I’m gearing myself up for another trophyless campaign but even if we go on our 6th barren silverware spell in a row, the World as we know it won’t come to an end. At the start of the season, we were not given half a chance to be where we are right now. It’s so bad that if you manage Arsenal in your first season in Football Manager 2011, the media prediction is 4th.

Chelshit won the title last year and with the way they were scoring goals like the way Sub-Zero produces Ice Freeze Balls in Mortal Kombat, they were odds-on favourites to retain the title. ManUre United having won 11 titles have been known as a dominant force in English football and were likely to win the title or at least end this campaign as runners-up to Chelshit. Man City and their millions were somewhere  in the mix and there were tales that with their new signings they would usurp us for that final automatic Champions League berth. Our rivals Twitch FC took the 4th Champions League spot and where expected to challenge for a place this season again.

Where did this leave us? With our low transfer ruthlessness and the million and one injuries our key players have suffered, we shouldn’t fret completely if we finish behind Man Utd but we have to remember that this season is really unpredictable. Looking at the events going down in the relegation area you can’t actually predict the 3 teams that will grace the nPower Championship next season.

In a season that promised much, there have been several bright sparks here and there. The performances of several players have given us hope for the future at least. rVp’s highest goal scoring tally was 20 in the 2008/09 campaign but with 6 games left to play, he’s just 4 goals shy of equaling his best ever Arsenal scoring tally. Nasri emerged from the shadows to become a very important player for Arsenal Football Club this season. His performances on the pitch were so good that he won that award for being the best player France had to offer in 2010. He was also voted as the 2nd best footballer in the best football league in the World next to a Welsh Chimp. This season also saw the rise to prominence of the defender that started this campaign as our 4th choice center back. It’s more than obvious that Vermaelen’s partner next season would be Johan Djourou.

While others cocked up and did well with their chances in the squad, injury paved the way for someone. Like Johan Djourou, he started this season as our 4th choice goalie but Almunia’s incompetence, Fabianski’s untimely injury and Mannone’s loan/injury meant that the Arsenal playing El Toro was waiting eagerly for a tall matador known as Wojciech Szczesny. He has been very assured and composed in goal even if he’s just at tender age of 20. Like David De Gea of Atletico and Casillas was he was 20, Szczesny hopes that he’ll be our goalie like Toy Story’s Buzz Lightyear till infinity and beyond.

He says,

I’m doing my best. Whatever decision the manager makes at the start of next season is completely down to him, but I will do my best to cement my position in goal. I always look at this season as my breakthrough season and I wont to cement my place for a long time. Whatever happens this year and next year will be important for me personally and for Arsenal as well”.

You are have to admire and commend on the progress Szczesny has made as an Arsenal player. If he was between the sticks against Man Utd in that FA Cup match and played the full 90 against Barca, it might have been a different outcome but even if I can’t meet the Prince of Persia in Alamuth steal the Sands of Time, I just hope that AW the Alchemist will do the right thing by sticking to the Poles.

Szczesny has also rallied his older outfield chums ahead of today’s game against Twitch FC.

He says,

It is a very good game for us to come back from a big disappointment. We owe it to the fans as well because they are obviously very disappointed about what happened. We owe them a result at White Hart Lane. Man Utd will drop points and we believe we’re good enough to win every game from now until the end of the season. So we believe we can do it. We go into everything to finish first. We don’t want to finish second and we definitely don’t want to finish third. We just think about winning the title”

Such talk could only indicate that Szczesny would do everything in his power to keep a clean sheet but the question is this;

Can the remaining 10 outfield players do their bit and score the goals that would be enough to win Twitch FC?”

Everybody at Arsenal is saying that Man Utd would drop points but what good would it be if they drop points while we also drop points. With 6 games just left to play let’s see how they would fare but if we finish behind them this season, I’ll waste no time in congratulating them because as shite as they where this season, no other team deserves it better than them.

Jack Wilshere also believes that ManUre United’s activity in the Champions League as well as the league would play a major role on how events would turn. We are really good in talking to the media Vultures but we don’t put our money where our mouths are.

Jack Wilshere is a young exuberant lad that lives for the beautiful game called football. While AW the Alchemist, Fabio Hitler and Stuart Pearce holds the Whizkhid’s hands in a tug of war, Wilshere is saying that after participating in the Under-21 European Championships this summer without our blessing, he also wants to be part of Team Great Britain that would play in the London Olympics in 2012.

The young bloke is forgetting that the European Championships in Ukraine and Poland takes place in June 2012 while the Olympics take place in August.

What the fledgling fuck! Even an alien fused with Dirk Kuyt and Man Utd’s Wong Fei-Hong DNA wouldn’t to play in both tournaments. I don’t know if he craves for a medal to be worn round his neck or somewhere kept in his cabinet but he has to realize that its Arsenal FC that has been there for him since he was 9 so his full allegiance and priority should be with Arsenal FC.

Man Utd’s draw against Newcastle has shown that they are not as invincible as they used to be. Besides, their away form has been patchy all season long. With our long awaited game in hand about to be played this night, it’s now important for us to cut the gap to 4 points. Chelshit will still visit Old Strafford so I certainly hope that ManUre United will drop points against them.

rVp added a few litres of fuel to fading title ambitions but Farmer Eboue did a new planting trick by dousing out title flame with that penalty foul. That Kuyt’s goal sent us back to the Stone Age so we have to reignite our title flame by striking two stones together with the hope that it will light up again. We also have to remember that Chelshit are winning their games so if we continue to be complacent, they may usurp us for the 2nd spot.  Tottenscum on the other hand broke/lost their Champions League virginity and they’ll definitely want to get fucked over by teams like Real Madrid and Inter again next season.

After doing well to usurp Man City last season thereby giving Ol Harry Twitchy the manager of the year award, newly crowned PFA Player of the Year, Chimp Bale would want to ensure that they have Champions League shagging by finishing in 4th place so a win against us will help their cause. It also mean that they’ll to the double over us. A feat that has not been achieved since the days goalkeepers didn’t wear gloves.

We fucked them over in the Carling Spoon with a resounding 4-1 victory but they got their sweet revenge by giving us our most painful home defeat this season in November so victory is paramount for both sides.

Szczesny would continue between the sticks in his aim to keep a clean sheet. Clichy would be stationed at left back. Sagna would face a fitness test but if he’s not fit enough, we’ll have to stick to our Farmer who scored a goal against Blackpool then broke our hearts om Sunday. The only way to appease the Arsenal gods would be to either plant crops in Totthenham’s box with his body while the ref blows for a penalty or score another good goal against Twitch FC. Djourcielny would continue at the heart of our defense.

Song is fully fit now so he’ll partner Wilshere in the holding midfield roles while El Capitan would play behind the front three. Theo Walcott didn’t really impress me against Liverpool so I feel that AA23 should be drafted back into the squad with Nasri on the right and rVp upfront.

My assumed lineup would be



Song-El Capitan-Wilshere


Enjoy the game wherever you are and don’t forget yer Guinness.

In other news, Alex “DribblyMcNoScore” Hleb was to join us again and has nominated Chamakh and the Squisha as the 10th and 6th worst signings of 2010 respectively.

For the top 3 positions, £50m misfiring Torres won the bronze medal, £27m Dzeko won the silver while the relatively unknown superstar signing known as £7.5m Bebe won the gold medal.

Here’s to a happier blog post tomorrow.

Let’s make the Red half of North London proud.


About enigma106

An Arsenal fan with a good sense of humor

Posted on April 20, 2011, in Arsenal, Match Preview, Premier League and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Leave a comment.

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