Gooner Daily

We sure know how to make things difficult for ourselves.
Sometime in early September, Mr. Platini and †нє other cunthounds in UEFA did †нє Champions League draw. We got Shakhtar, Braga and Partizan. That was easy pickings on paper.
On our adventurous road to Paris in 2006, we were paired with Ajax, FC Thun and Sparta Prague. Last season was Dynamo Kiev, AZ Alkmaar and Fenerbahce.

Arsenal gave Braga a warm welcome to †нє Champions League by whooping them 6-0, We went to Belgrade, beat Partizan 3-1 and unleashed Flyin Fabbi to †нє world. Dudu Composure promised us that he would not celebrate if he scores us. Shakhtar received 5 while Dudu got †нє consolation goal.
3 games played, 9 points gotten with a healthy goal difference.
We went to Ukraine with †нє poor record in Eastern Europe looming on our heads. We scored first, conceded an own goal then Gael “Flash” Clichy used †нє Arsenal Self Destruct Remote Control. At this point we were still in pole position in group H. Matchday 5 saw us go to Portugal with another history tale on our heads. We also lost that game.

We now find ourselves in a very scary precarious position.
Win tonight and qualification is ensured. There will be no need to settle for a draw or a loss.
There’s a fairy tale that says that Shakhtar haven’t beaten Portuguese opposition in Donbas Arena. Let’s hope that 99Matheus would do us a favour. Winning Partizan and getting a little help from Braga would ensure that we top group H.
This would help us avoid sides like Barcelona, Real Madrid, Bayern Munich and Schalke 04. If results don’t go our way we’ll have to settle for them. I know what we could do on our day. Let’s just hope we don’t get Barca in †нє draw because we will be mutilated if Wizard Messi or David Son of Villa get their hands on our leaky defense.

For team news, Laurent “Kos100%tackle” has taken a dramatic turnaround and is going to play tonight. Just like Emmanuel “Farma” Eboue, another quick recovery has been made just days after we were told that †нє player will stay out till eternity. I wouldn’t want to question our medical staff because that will be another story on its own.
All I can say is, “Welcome back, Kos100%tackle.

Johan “Injourou” Djourou has picked up his customary thigh strain injury. Hope he gets well soon because †нє centreback department of Arsenal’s defense is down to †нє wire.

I believe Flyin Fabbi will retain his place in goal. A game of this magnitude may not be handed to Szszszszsz so he’ll have to hang around till we play Keano’s Tractor Army in January.

I also expect Robin “glassboned vP” van Persie to start tonight. Chamakh has done really well in his absence but we’ll need his quality upfront.

My expected lineup should be

Flyin Fabbi
Flash-Kos100%tackle-Squisha-Timaya
Sabinus-Whizkhid
Banana Lomo
Hotty Pancake-glassboned vP-El-Rufai

I don’t really care about surpassing †нє Red Hell Owners Champions League “goals for” record which stands at 20 goals.

All I care about is a victory.

A 6-0 spanking or One-Nil to †нє Arsenal will ensure †нє same thing…..qualification to †нє knockout phase.

So as I said earlier…….Arsenal Football Club, your fans don’t want Thursday Night Football.

So put your shooting boots on.

Enjoy †нє game wherever you are.

Here’s to a happy blog post tomorrow.

Cheerio.