Gooner Daily

I said that it was high time we got back to winning ways. There was no other team in †нє League we could use to pick our form.

†нє Gentle Frog’s Carpenters are currently at †нє bottom of †нє table. They played like a side that deserve to be relegated.

England’s former number 1, †нє keeper with a colour as his surname was †нє only mediocre player in a team filled up with repugnant players in yesterday night’s game. Gooner Daily will call him…”†нє Coloured One”

Their left back debutant, Tattooed Bridgy decided to take †нє step in †нє wrong direction by joining †нє Carpenters from †нє Cash Money Oil Money Billionaires. I guess earning big bucks isn’t everything. He unfortunately picked †нє wrong club to start his Carpenters career against. I’m pretty sure he’ll run back to †нє CMOM Billionaires when †нє Carpenters begin their nPower Championship adventure.

†нє match started really well for with Samir “El Rufai” Nasri showing off his new Orange boots. †нє first highlight came early on with a free kick on †нє right hand side. Robin “glassboned” van Persie smashed †нє ball on †нє wall resulting in a corner. Cesc “El Capitan” Fabregas was almost sent through with a delightful cross but an acrobatic clearance from a tattooed French chap ensured that †нє score sheet stayed intact.

After 2 awful performances against †нє Championship sides in †нє Cups, i expected Emmanuel “Farma” Eboue to step up his game. He was good offensively but was carved open times without number due to poor positioning. AW †нє Alchemist will have to take †нє blame for making our Farma †нє way he is now. His decision to make him a right winger in †нє 2007/08 season has made †нє Farma forget that he’s supposed to be a “natural” right full back. †нє positive note however was that †нє performance he put yesterday was better than †нє previous two put together.

After another incisive attack, †нє match opener arrived. Theo “Wal Kuint” Walcott was sent through on †нє right hand side. El Rufai showed his intelligence by opening his legs when †нє pass came to him. This “dummied” †нє defender thereby letting †нє ball move to glassboned vP’s path. Glassboned vP smashed it home with his “chocolate” leg.

†нє tattooed French chap made a rash lounge at El Capitan and earned a booking for his troubles.

El Capitan was pulling all †нє strings in midfield and this was evidenced by a delightful diagonal pass that sent Wal Kuint through. †нє finish though was disheartening.

†нє odd thing about being a very attacking side is that your concentration levels at †нє back might be rickety.

Johan “Injourou” Djourou struggled throughout †нє game and he compounded it all by giving a very weak back pass that was intercepted by Mr. Okorie. Thumbs up to Wojciech “Szszsz” Szczesny for making himself big to make a very good save. He has †нє attributes of a World class goalie in †нє making. †нє 5 year deal he signed this season is a breath of fresh air to we †нє fans of Arsenal FC. In AW we trust.

†нє counter attacks we made in yesterday’s game reminded me of †нє days of †нє Invincibles. A quick throw from Szszsz found †нє Farma who in turn sent a good pass to El Capitan. Our captain had a few touches, noticed Alex “Sabinus” Song on †нє run but fed glassboned vP. Instead of glassboned vP dwelling on †нє ball, he gently cushioned a soft pass to †нє onrushing Sabinus. †нє shot was blocked by one young fellow but †нє attacking move was very crisp.

We kept pressing and probing and got another break when El Rufai ran at two Carpenters then supplied †нє gun powder for another bomb of a shot for glassboned vP. †нє post came to †нє rescue of †нє Coloured One because he was rightly beaten by glassboned vP’s low drive.

†нє two “Els” of Arsenal exchanged a quick One-Two but El Rufai’s finish let him down.

We got our breathing space towards †нє end of †нє 1st half. El Capitan combated with a Carpenter and gave †нє ball to Gael “Flash” Clichy. Flash chipped in a nice pass to glassboned vP’s path. With †нє ball almost going out of play, glassboned vP sent a low drive back across †нє 6-yard box. Tattooed Bridgy wasn’t aware of Wal Kuint’s presence and was caught in No Man’s land when †нє ball came across. Up stepped Wal Kuint to put us 2 up. He didn’t even say thank you to Tattooed Bridgy for putting onside in †нє first place.

Mr. Okorie had another good chance but was closed down by Injourou. Injourou then left his defensive duties and somehow found himself one-on-one with †нє Coloured One after some good work from Sabinus. He then proved to †нє World that he’s a “defender” by smashing †нє ball off †нє Coloured One’s face. †нє Verminator would have rattled †нє net. He still has 6 more goals than Mikel “LSC” Obi.

So Andre Marriner decided to call it a “half day” and †нє score board wrote “Carpenters 0 Gunners 2”.

After a little Twitter activity, i managed to get this out.

“RT @Orbinho: Half-time team talk. Arsenal, last year you were 2-0 up at half-time at Upton Park and drew 2-2. Do NOT do this again.”

†нє second half began well for us with El Capitan letting one rip but it was easy pickings for †нє Coloured One.

Glassboned vP turned one bloke inside out but it only resulted in a corner.

Tattooed Bridgy had a chance to atone for his initial error by taking responsibility for a dead ball. glassboned vP jumped highest to send †нє ball to †нє corner flag with his head.

We then had a “MadMan Coyle like” moment by exchanging 20 passes before giving †нє ball to Wal Kuint. His left foot shot didn’t trouble †нє Coloured One.

Even if we were running †нє show, †нє Carpenters had a rare spell that almost resulted in a goal. A young lad made a cross that was heading goalwards. It almost deceived Szszsz but he did very well to put it out for a corner.

They also had another cross that bounced awkwardly in our box but Szszsz showed good awareness and sent it over †нє top for another corner.

†нє commentator summed †нє Carpenters performance by saying,”they are showing admirable spirit but are lacking †нє necessary quality”

At some point some Carpenter fans were sleeping instead enjoying their money’s worth. You can’t blame them though.

After baking a nice cake throughout †нє game, we got our icing when Tattooed Bridgy hacked Wal Kuint down in †нє box. Up stepped glassboned vP to dispatch †нє spot kick with style. †нє Coloured One guess †нє right way though.

†нє Tattooed Bridgy got injured but he won’t forget his Carpenter debut in a long while. He gifted †нє opposition two good goals.

Reinforcements came in †нє form of NwaSamba Denilson for El Capitan in †нє 80th minute, Kieran “Ogo Gibbsy” Gibbs for El Rufai in †нє 87th minute and Andrei “Hotty” Arshavin for Wal Kuint in 87th minute.

Jack “Whizkhid” Wilshere also had a sting saved by †нє Coloured One in †нє 89th minute.

†нє show ended at 3-0 with glassboned vP †нє star performer.

For my match ratings

Szszsz (6.9) did really well when called upon. Flash (6.8) balanced his attacking and defensive play. Farma (6.3) didn’t do too badly but wasn’t convincing with his positioning. Djourou (6.2) struggled a lot. Kos100%tackle (6.6) had a nice day at †нє office. Sabinus (6.9) impressed me a lot. I really loved that “spinning” move he did on †нє ground with †нє ball. Whizkhid (6.8) continued his fledgling career with another wonderful performance. El Capitan (7.5) was ubiquitous in midfield. His through balls were like hot knife passing through butter. El Rufai (7.1) was at his very best, twisting and turning defenders all over †нє place. Wal Kuint (8.0) had a great game evidenced by his 2 assists and a goal. Glassboned vP (8.5) had 2 goals and 1 assist. It doesn’t get any better than that. NwaSamba, Hotty and Ogo Gibbsy won’t get ratings today.

Gentle Frog stayed on †нє pitch to shake all his players. Maybe †нє end is nigh.

12 days ago….they were 15th…..that’s †нє Premier League for you.

So we are 2 points off †нє current leaders, †нє CMOM Billionaires with a game to spare.

Let’s hope †нє World’s best left-footed Chimpanzee, vdV and †нє One-Dimensional winger Lenny do us a small favour by taking points off †нє Red Hell Owners.

I guess we’ve hit top gear ahead of our trip to Elland Road.

Happy Sunday

Sayonara