Mad Jens signs, Verminator out for all eternity and UEFA, UEFA, UEFA…..
The first of the next 10 Fridays that’ll be of utmost importance to everyone connected in the World of Arsenal.
We all know the famous trophyless clichés opposition fans use to taunt us. The newest one involves our star defender, Thomas Vermaelen…
@dkingpin Tomasz in the month of August,
“Vermaelen is injured”
@dkingpin Tomasz in the month of December,
“Emmm……Vermaelen is injured”
@dkingpin Tomasz this morning,
“In other news, Vermaelen is injured”
You heard Tomasz right. Vermaelen is still injured. Today, tomorrow, next tomorrow, the week after that….till all eternity I guess.
AW the Alchemist was asked for the umpteenth time about the Vermaelen situation. All he said was,
“I never expected him to be back before the end of the season”.
You’re kidding me right?
AW the Alchemist told us in January that the Vermaelen situation was monitored closely and an appearance 6 weeks after against Barcelona was a slight possibility.
When the transfer window opened, the media Vultures linked us with Samba, Mertesacker and Up Up Matty from West Ham. I remember writing that I could have been okay with another relatively unknown defender from Krypton but the defensive calvary didn’t arrive in front of the Emirates Hot gates at the end of January. All we heard was the creaking sound of the gate thanks to the blistering wind.
We have the Squisha and Koscielny till the end of the season so we should all hope and pray that they combine their French heads together and start putting commanding performances as a new unit.
Even if I know that Vermaelen won’t play again for us this season, I’m not entirely optimistic about him playing next season. He says that the tendon is okay but the muscles around it need to be strengthened. That doesn’t sound too good if you ask me.
AW the Alchemist should also ensure that he makes a defensive signing a major priority next season. Till then we have to make do with what we have. Koscielny, the Squisha, young Miquel and African Blondie Song….to the detriment of our midfield.
I also hope that the Squisha would be given an Arsenal retirement party at the end of next season. My only fear is that Squillaci’s deal expires in 2013 in Football Manager 2011…I hope that the game is wrong this time.
UEFA, UEFA, UEFA…the Union of European blah blah blah…..
Headed by football great Michel Platini….a midfield maestro in his playing days and a cuntbutler at this present time.
I predicted a fantasy draw in yesterday’s post. I guess that I really suck as a soothsayer. I’m the kind of soothsayer you’ll come to and the dead person who you would want to hear from would leave a simple message.
“Sorry, this dead person you want to hear from is not available at the moment…please leave your message after the tone….beep”.
I’m that bad as a soothsayer.
The real draws were
INTERNAZIONALE vs SCHALKE 04
I guess that the current holders will have another German beer drinking adventure. This time it’s in Gelsenkirchen. At least I got one thing right about my Inter/Chelsea fantasy prediction. I wrote that a team having a blue pigment in its jersey would qualify for the semis. Schalke like the Chelsea I predicted have a “blue” pigment on their jersey.
HALA MADRID vs TWITCH FC
I predicted the worst for our bitter rivals Twitch FC but they didn’t get what I wanted….they got “it” all the same. Barcelona would have mutilated Twitch FC convincingly but I believe that Real Madrid will be too much for them. This season scripts have been torn and rewritten. I’m in no fucking mood to see an upset. So CR7 and co….you know what to do. I’ll certainly love to see Gomes concede a 40-yard free kick like our dear ol’ Almunia.
BARCALIENS vs SHAKHTAR
This World can be a real bitch sometimes. Arsenal was destined to play Barcelona….in this realm or the next. Even if we had won Shakhtar, Braga and Partizan home and away, we would have beaten Roma to play who…..?
MAN UTD vs CHELSEA
From the picture on the right, Man Utd fans on my BlackBerry messenger at least are sulking and crying like babies because they were drawn with rivals, the Cashlings.
I have only 3 sentences to write to both fans…..
Man Utd fans, the ref wouldn’t be Martin Atkinson.
Chelsea fans, the ref wouldn’t be Man Utd’s key player, Howard Webb.
Man Utd and Chelsea players, if the ref is Massimo Busacca, don’t shoot the ball out when you’re clearly offside….
That’s enough said or written as the case may be.
Speaking of Busacca, AW the Alchemist and Nasri have received touchline bans for letting the World know that the ref is a dimwitted cuntbutling wankhammering fucktard for his red card brandished to rVp.
AW the Alchemist is obviously not happy about the ban but he has decided to take it on the chin
Let’s look on the bright side. Our first game in the Champions League next season will be a home tie against newbies Cunthound United.
Besides, when was the last time Patty Ol’ Rice managed a game for the Arsenal…..that’s the £500,000 question in Who Want’s To Be a Millionaire.
It’s quite welcome to know that a not so new player will be in the dugout when we visit the Hawthorns tomorrow. He joined Arsenal in 2004 as the ideal replacement for David Seaman. They even share the same pronunciation of their last syllable. Football Manager described him as a perfectionist.
Like Andreas Kopke and Oliver Ganges Kahn before him, he has influence on the pitch and is a very fiery character.
So fiery that he screamed at old Mercenary Gallas to stick in a certain position when a corner was about to be taken but Willy refused. He then left his goal keeping position on the line and dragged Gallas where he wanted him to be.
So fiery that he ran all the way from his 18-yard box to come and attack Pavel “Netoneto” Nedved for injuring Farma Eboue that still earned the Czech legend a red card. Fabregas had to drag him back.
So fiery that after having a mini pushing duel with the Drog Man in the Blue Bridge, he jumped for the ball with his knee up so that he could intentionally catch Drogba on his back.
Finally……so so so so so fiery that after being awarded a free kick for being tackled by a striker, he got treated by the Stuttgart physio, got up, grabbed the ball as if he was going to take the free kick, went to the guilty striker’s path, stamped on the striker’s foot intentionally, got a red card and went straight home without taking a shower in the dressing room.
Despite these fiery shenanigans, his exploits on the pitch speak for itself. He currently holds the amazing Champions League clean sheet record which still stands at 10 games. Strikers from Ajax, FC Thun, Sparta Prague, Real Madrid, Juventus and Villarreal couldn’t find a way past him when he was in between the sticks.
The latter three of the aforementioned clubs had top strikers like Fat One Ronaldo, Raul, Zlatan Turkeymovic, Del Piero, Jose Mari and the Jabulani king Forlan.
Arsenal vs Villarreal picture
He also holds the record for being the 1st goalie in the Premier League to finish a season unbeaten.
He has told the media Vultures that it feels good to be back and he’ll be happy to contribute on and off the pitch.
At the age of 41, I would prefer him to do more contributions off the pitch than on it.
We know how important that save was
But this one won us our last trophy.
Mad Jens Lehmann.
Before I end today’s post here’s a food for thought….
When Wojciech Szczesny broke both arms, how did he clean his “you-know-what” when he wanted to take a shite…?
This came out of the head of my personal Gooner Daily assistant and brother from another mother
Tomasz…You can follow him at @dkingpin.