Arsenal 1 ManUre United 0: Young ancient Pharaoh Ramses the 16th does it for London

There are Sundays when you wake up and get weak of all a sudden bearing in mind that you’re supposed to prepare yourself for the day’s church service. Yesterday was one of them but after devoting more hours into dreamland, I decided that it was high time to wake up and get my act right knowing fully that our proposed game of the season was going to take place by 1400hrs. A season that promised much so Arsenal capitulate in very unbelievable style. The players were eliminated from all the Cup competitions club football as a sport had to offer in the short space of a fortnight. While fellow rivals, Man Utd were challenging for the treble that the class of 99’ achieved, Arsenal had the task on focusing all their firepower on the only trophy that they could challenge for, the Premier League.

With 9 games left to play, Arsenal would have secured their first Barclay’s Premier League title in 7 years if they managed to win all the remaining games and with the consistent way Man Utd where playing, yesterday’s encounter would have been the title decider. Our players focused a lot on yesterday’s game but were very complacent in the run-in to the game. A club that had Premier League title aspirations amassed a meager 8 points from a possible 21 before yesterday’s game. By my book, that’s not good enough.

We were expected to field our strongest lineup yesterday but the first player wearing the Red and White leading his team out wasn’t the technically gifted eagle eyed World Cup winner we know, it was the left footed goal hungry Dutch predator known simply with the codename: rVp. Fabregas had an issue with his knee in a training session.

The home team started off with a flyer and would’ve gone 1 up with just 3 minutes displayed on the clock. rVp and Walcott linked up well but the ball was defended by Man Utd’s captain who uncharacteristically made a panicky clearance that went straight to Jack Wilshere inside the 18-yard box. I wrote in my post on the 9th of April that Wilshere’s only deficiency as a player is his inability to be clinical with his chances in front of goal. I was right with that quote because Wilshere lashed his volley wide with a big goal to aim at. Michael Jackson’s lost clone Nani attempted a simple leg over before killing a bird in the sky with his proposed shot on goal.

Szczesny made his 50th appearance in English football yesterday. It sounded strange to me because this is his first full senior season in Arsenal but I have a hunch that they added the games has amassed in his Brentford days to complete the tally. Walcott used his blistering pace to evade Monsieur Tuck-In Evra but the threat he posed was later quelled. Clichy then sent in a good cross from the left but rVp’s header went over. Clichy and Nasri connected well at the left hand side but the full back’s teasing cross to Man Utd’s danger area was fired over by Walcott. After the first 10 minutes, the EA Sports blokes decided to show the World the ball possession percentage. Arsenal had 78%, you’ll probably know what Man Utd had at that point.

Wilshere then drilled another cross into Man Utd’s 18-yard box but Evra anticipated the ball well for a corner because Walcott was lurking around waiting to pounce on the effort. With Arsenal dominating the proceedings, Man Utd hit them on the break with Evil Twin Fabio linking up well with Wong Fei-Hong. Chicharito was on the prowl but Sagna did well to put his body in the line of fire to send the ball out for a corner kick. The major talking point of the first half was a cynical handball that was committed in the box by Vidic. Walcott crossed the ball for rVp but Vidic put his hand when his head failed to reach the ball to nick it away from Arsenal’s centre forward but the linesman who was on hand didn’t raise his flag for any infringement. rVp ran straight to him to show his frustration but nothing came out from that. Vidic was supposed to be red-carded while Arsenal was supposed to awarded a penalty. The officiating this season has been very shocking. When Tottenham played Wolves, the wild dogs had a goal that was disallowed under acrimonious circumstances. When Arsenal played Sunderland, Arshavin was clearly pushed by that overweight fish known as Titus yet no penalty was given. When Man Utd played Chelshit in the Blue Bridge, Zhirkov dived like a Hollywood star and Mr. Atkinson pointed to the spot. 2 days ago, Gomes lost his concentration when he received a routine shot from the Lampback of NotreDame and did well enough to get hold of the ball before it passed the line but the goal was allowed to stand. The match winner was a clear offside but the linesman did nothing about it. The list of officiating errors is so long that I can start a blog about them.

Wilshere then opened a chance for the captain of Wales but his left footed effort was very tame. The RooThug earned himself a booking after he was shoved Wilshere off the pitch and kicked the ball straight at him while he was still on the ground. The last effort of the first half came from that Brazilian that shares a certain degree of likeness with T-Pain. Anderson wasn’t closed down but his shot was aimed straight at Szczesny. Man Utd played the first half like a side that aimed for a draw and it seemed likely that it was going to happen.

At the start of the second half, I learned that Nasri had twanged his hammy so AA23 made his earliest appearance as a substitute because he came in at the start. RooThug had a free kick that went over the wall but it was saved by Szczesny. Evra’s follow up hit the side netting. Sagna was teed up by Song from the right hand side. His crossing in the first half was quite atrocious so he decided to let one rip with his left foot sending it wide. The fact that he had already scored 2 goals this season probably gave him the confidence that he could get his 3rd but his effort was off target.

Nani then managed to get the better of Clichy then sent in a delicious cross that was almost converted by Chicharito but he missed it so Szczesny made a routine catch. Michael Jackson’s clone had another chance from a dead ball but his free kick went wide.

After a fresh wave on Man Utd’s territory, Arsenal got the opener thanks to the man who started and finished the move. Song fed Ramsey who in turn passed the ball to his captain then went forward. rVp dallied on the ball with his sleek twisting and turning movement then he saw a player that raised his hands up as if he was waving at snipers somewhere for target practice. rVp gently guided the ball to Ramsey and he did the rest with a neat finish that went through Carrick’s legs and past the aging Dutch goalie that doesn’t want to retire and chill with his kids. That was Ramsey’s first league goal since December 2009. He crowned his first Emirates start in 14 months with a goal that will be remembered for years to come because it ended Man Utd’s 7 game unbeaten run against us since Nasri’s double in November 2008. When Ramsey scored the commentator yelled,

Goal for Arsenal and goal for Chelsea”.

Chelsea and Arsenal fans on my BlackBerry messenger had the same update because all they could write was the word “goal” with 1 million O’s. Song got a card for a challenge and Evra and our injury problems worsened when Djourou was replaced by the Squisha. Arsenal then received a scare when Carrick’s ball touched Ramsey on his hand but luckily for us he was outside the box so a free kick was awarded instead of a penalty. RooThug played the free kick but Arsenal’s young and confident goalie was equal to the task.  Out of the blue, Man Utd’s hit us on the counter with the RooThug with the ball. He sent Nani through but his shot was parried by Szczesny. With Man Utd pressing for an equalizer Arsenal had the chance to kill them off with a series of counter attacks but none bore any fruit. Wilshere, Ramsey and Walcott did enough to feed rVp on the far side but his shot hit the side netting.

The pantomime villain of the Liverpool game, Farmer Eboue came on to replace Walcott late to add some steel to our defense. Arsenal had another superb break with 4 against 3 but rVp’s cross evaded everyone. AA23 used his wittiness to buy a free off Evil Twin Fabio but rVp’s free kick was really poor. I think our Dutch striker needs to go back to his personal drawing board to work on his free kicks. The only one he scored this season deflected off some bloke’s ass in St. Andrews.

Arsenal had more chances to kill the tie off but they were quite lackadaisical about it. They were almost punished for it when Michael Owen hit the turf really hard when he received minimal contact from Clichy. Inconsistent referees like Dowd, Atkinson or Man Utd’s summer signing Webb would have pointed to the spot but Chris Foy wasn’t going to be fooled by such antics by a striker whose curve has dropped drastically after leaving his kingdom called Liverpool in search of greener pastures.

Man Utd's 12th player

Szczesny probably read a book by Oliver Ganges Kahn and Mad Jens Lehmann, how to waste time tactically and showed his time wasting exploits in the dying moments of the time. A tweet by @SamWhitefield40 says it all,

“@SamWhitefield40: Szczesny’s theory of time wasting. Legend”

I’m pretty sure that when Szczesny turns 40, his own time wasting book will be a best seller.

At the sound of Chris Foy’s whistle, Arsenal had played for pride and killed Man Utd’s joy, just what I wanted.

Szczesny (7.2) answered when he was called upon. Sagna (6.9) and Clichy (6.9) quelled the threat f Man Utd’s wingers. Koscielny (7.0) and Djourou (6.8) locked Chicharito in a metal cage and threw away the keys. Song (6.8) put up a descent show protecting the back four but he really needs to do something about his hair. Wilshere (7.3) was at his industrious best. Ramsey (7.4) scored the only goal of the game. Nasri (6.7) did okay on the left. Walcott (7.0) really impressed me with his dribbling skills and confidence to take on all comers. rVp (6.8) provided an assist and would’ve scored if not for Vidic’s canniness. AA23 (6.5) showed good work rate to help his full back. Squisha (6.5) was relatively untroubled. Farmer Eboue didn’t stay long enough to get a rating.

We’ve beaten the old enemy but we find ourselves 6 points adrift with 2 games left to play. Chelshit were 15 points behind United at the start of March but are now a win away from going level on points with them. This shows how complacent Man Utd and Arsenal have been. The significant thing about Man Utd’s defeat to Arsenal is that they are now level on goal difference with Chelshit so if the Blues win at Old Strafford this week they’ll usurp them to be at the pole position with 2 games to spare. Man Utd’s has to shove off the threat of 2 relegation candidates in Blackburn and Blackpool while Chelshit play Newcastle and Everton. We are somewhere in the mix with Stoke, Villa and Fool-ham left to play but it would take the magical beard mixture of Merlin, Dumbledore and Gandalf for Arsenal to win the Premier League.

AW the Alchemist praised his joy killers after the game saying,

“We had a good performance that had everything in it; discipline, fighting spirit and our usual passing game. Until we scored the goal, I feel we completely controlled the game. Then, because we have not won a lot recently, we tried to protect our advantage and were more under pressure. Overall, I believe that we deserved to win the game”

AW the Alchemist, you old wily sly fox, “not won a lot”.

AW the Alchemist also went on to say that he hasn’t given up hope and this season has been his hardest in his 15-year tenure. I sincerely hope that next season would be his best. PFA Young Player of the Year Jack Wilshere told the media Vultures after the game that there’s still life in the title race.

AW the Alchemist and Wilshere have to heed to my advice and search for the silver beards of Merlin, Dumbledore and Gandalf. The magic spell they would concur can make Man Utd and Chelsea draw their next 3 games while we win our next 3. That way Arsenal would end up with 76 points, Man Utd with 76 points and Chelshit with 73.

In other news, Gooner Daily has successfully pasted its facebook badge on the widget side bar on the right so you can like my blog’s facebook page by clicking on the badge. Arsenal has also launched its 2011/12 home kit which will be in stores on the 9th of June; a day before @enigma106 and Carlo the Cannibal’s birthday.

We all thought that the youngest pharaoh was King Tutankhamen. Just like how Man City’s Mario Balogoat didn’t know about Jack Wilshere, we now know about Ramses the 16th that did it for the pride of London.


About enigma106

An Arsenal fan with a good sense of humor

Posted on May 2, 2011, in Arsenal, Match Report, Premier League and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. 1 Comment.

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