Gooner Daily

Apologies for not writing a post yesterday.

A week ago, we were in euphoria after 26 minutes in a certain battle against a Toon Army up North. The series of events that followed brought us back down to Earth. With the Manchester derby played early on, there was no room for error.

The 2nd best team played against the 2nd worst team.

As expected, the home side started brightly.

Arsenal caught Wolves on the break and carved their defense open times without number.

Sagna moved with the ball and ran to far side. He sent a good cross but the ball was cleared out for a throw in.

After doing well for England in midweek, young midfield maestro in the making, Jack “Whizkhid” Wilshere ran with the ball and evaded 2 blokes. The last chap tackled him cynically but the young English man chose to stay on his feet. Cesc Fabregas fired the ball into the net but the ref with the silver hair blew his whistle for a free kick. rVp killed a hawk with his left footed curler. Many strikers have this habit of “killing birds” in England. These unfortunate flying creatures should stop flying past Stadia. It’s really hazardous to their health.

Song probably went to meet his hairstylist before the game. His hair was “blonder” than ever. He laid a nice pass to rVp but the flying Dutchman lashed his shot wide.

As we got a stronghold on the game, we got our breakthrough from the 2 “leaders” of the team. It was good to see that their international break ensured that they were “sharp” and agile throughout the game.

Arsenal had an attack that led to a throw in. El Capitan grabbed the ball then threw it back in to Walcott. He quickly returned the ball to Fabregas who had few touches before sending in a left foot cross into the box. rVp popped in the box then attempted a scissors kick. He timed his kick to perfection thereby sending a low drive past the goalie that shares the same name with a cognac.

Gooner Daily would prefer to call Wayne Hennessey the Cognac.

I thought that Johan Djourou would be rested for this encounter with the BarcAliens coming to Mother Emirates Earth on Wednesday night. He put up a very commanding performance throughout the game. He even had a header that went over.

After enjoying a good passing spell, Fabregas had a shot that went wide.

Arsenal kept piling on the pressure. Whizkhid was bossing the midfield. He teed up Arshavin who ran at the full back and made him fall flat on his arse. His pass to Walcott was well timed. Walcott’s one time shot was saved by the Cognac. The rebound fell to Fabregas. His low drive beat the Cognac and was heading goalwards but it was saved off the line.

Walcott had a very good chance on the right hand side but his decision making let him down.

Fabregas gave rVp a pass then ran forward. The return back heeled pass was inch perfect. The captain fed Walcott who had a “touch too many”. The pass he gave to Arshavin put the diminutive Russian offside.

El Capitan launched one of his trademark long balls to Walcott. The pacey winger did well to pull back and cut in but his finish let him down.

The Wolves players became a bit aggressive as the game went on. Wilshere was scythed down by a chap. Seconds later, Arshavin was on the receiving end of a Mortal Kombat fatality by their hefty Camerounian bouncer of a left back. Chris Foy let play go on so their winger Jarvis ran with the ball and met a Swiss brick wall in the form of Johan Djourou. The ease at which he won the ball was a pleasing sight for every Arsenal fan present at the Emirates. He even had the time to backheel the ball to a teammate. The £1m question will be who will partner Thomas “Verminator” Vermaelen when he’s fully fit. It’s left for AW the Alchemist to decide.

Djourou and Koscielny or “Djourcielny” as they are called by media Vultures and fans alike have been inspiring this season. Their telepathic understanding is reminiscent of the Adams-Keown days. The way they have steadied the defensive ship this season has earned them plaudits everywhere. I wouldn’t like to see any of them sit on the bench. Maybe it might not be that easy for the Verminator when he comes back. AW the Alchemist has the final say though.

The last chance of the first half arrived when the African Blonde sent a nice through to our goal machine rVp. His low drive was saved by the Cognac.

Mr. Foy’s whistle put the proceedings to an end. It was One-Nil to the Arsenal. From the way Micky Mac’s Wild dogs played, there was no sign of any epic comeback.

The second half started the way the 1st half ended with Arsenal taking the driver’s seat.

Wilshere danced through their defense and fed Walcott. The winger was profligate throughout the game. His shot was off target.

Whizkhid continued to show his young dominance by teeing up another ball for rVp. The Cognac was up to the challenge.

The last time rVp was in blistering form, Chiellini ruptured his ankle ligaments on his right leg. He was clattered by a clumsy oaf and spent some time on the ground. I was so scared when I saw him grabbing his knee. The name “glassboned” was emanating in the air. He stood up and continued doing his thing on the pitch.

Walcott tried to “return the favour” to his captain but he was closed down.

Wilshere and Fabregas connected well with each other then laid on a nice pass to Arshavin. AA23’s shot went wide.

Arsenal got their breathing space from a goal that was reminiscent of the Invicibles of 2004.
Djourou won the ball and gave the ball to Song. The Blondie teed up his captain. In recent times, Fabregas and Walcott have built up a very good understanding in the field of play. As soon as the ball was about to reach El Capitan’s feet he noticed that England’s second fastest player was free in acres of space. The through ball he gave Walcott was exquisite. The winger wasted no time in feeding his dust to the Wolves chap miles behind then noticed that rVp was on the clear. A simple pass followed to Arsenal’s man on form and the finish was as neat as you would ever see.

2 goals up from our hottest player.

While I was jumping up and down in my sitting room, I heard the commentator utter some words that cracked me up.

“I can’t say if it was offside or not but the linesman couldn’t just keep up with the pace of Walcott”

That’s one fast player. I would really love to see him do a test run with Jamaica’s Usain Bolt.

We wasted more chances to kill the game off for good. AA23 and Walcott did well to give their captain a nice ball in the box. He unselfishly chose to give the ball to his deputy captain who was on a hattrick but the ball was too much to rVp.

When you’re in the kind of form that rVp is in, you’ll want to try a few things with the ball as long as it ends up in the net. The one time volley rVp hit against Al ibn Hab Hab of Wigan was beauty personified. He wanted to attempt the same feat from Jack Wilshere’s long ball but he lashed it wide this time.

Let’s look on the bright side. The first time he tried the volley, the net rattled. He missed it yesterday. Nicklas Bendtner tried the same thing against Huddlesfield but he ended up giving all the fans short fits of laughter while he did his bubble gum thingy.

Wilshere really enjoying himself in midfield. He got a bit carried away when he wanted to give a long range pass for AA23. There no way in Hell that Arshavin would have gotten that ball. Even Usain Bolt on an Arsenal jersey wouldn’t have gotten it.

AW the Alchemist had the tie against the BarcAliens in his mind so felt that it was high time he denied rVp a hattrick by withdrawing him to bring on Chamakh. He also brought in B52 for AA23 with 20 minutes to spare.

Chamakh has scored 10goals since he arrived for free from Girondins Bordeaux. However, Chamakh hasn’t scored in his last 10 games.

B52 linked up well with Chamakh. He should have passed the ball back to Chamakh but he slammed the ball on a player.

Denilson came on for Wilshere late on. The youngster earned himself a standing ovation.

There was a communication error between Djourou and Szszsz. The resulting corner almost ended up in our net. The in-swinger was headed into the air by Djourou. While it was dropping back into our danger area, a cynical Wolves player backed into Szszsz to force the young Pole into making an error. The big Pole did well to put the ball out for a corner.

Song showed some quick feet and fed Bendtner on the right hand. His cross evaded everyone.

Walcott and Chamakh did a neat “one-two” as Arsenal attacked from the left hand side. Like Bendtner before him, Chamakh opened up expecting a return pass from Walcott. The winger fired the ball at the Cognac.

Wolves had their first shot on goal from the high Championship scoring bloke, the dark EvaBlake. I guess the Premier League is a lot different.

The last moment that involved goal action belonged to El Capitan. After linking up with Chamakh, he tried to curl the ball to the far corner. The Cognac was equal to that task.

Szszsz (6.5) had a boring day at the office but did well when called upon. Clichy (6.7) did well. Sagna (6.6) balanced his attacking and defensive play. Djourou (7.5) was a colossus in defense. Koscielny (7.0) did extremely well with his partner. Whizkhid (8.0) sprayed passes like an insecticide in a mosquito filled room. Song (6.5) played his DM role well. El Capitan (7.9) gave the assist for the first goal and also gave the “killer” pass that cut Wolves defense like a razor. Walcott (6.8) missed some scoring chances but gave the assist for the winning goal. AA23 (6.6) did well and gave some nice pass. rVp (8.2) netted a brace. Chamakh (7.0) linked up play superbly. Bendtner (6.4) did okay. Denilson (6.7) was combative in midfield.

After winning 7 consecutive games, we dropped 2 points last week and have gotten back to winning ways.

The Red Hell Owners defeated their oil rich neighbours in the lunch time kickoff so we are still four points off.

The spectacular overhead kick by Wayne RooThug was a goal worthy of winning any match. An alien goalkeeper injected with various DNA from Cech, Neuer, Fabianski, Casillas, Valdes, Kameni, Akinfeev, Adler, Reina and Buffon would have done the same thing with Man City’s Hearty Joey. Stand and watch the ball go in.

We thought that the Cash Money Oil Money Billionaires were competent enough to take points off Man Utd. We’ll have to put our faith in Count Dalglish and Carlo the Cannibal.

Barca come to Emirates after their inhuman 16 game Liga BBVA winning streak came to an end in the hands of Sporting Gijon.

Guess they are not as “invincible” as I thought.

There’s relief around the “camp”.

Thanks to Robin “glassboned” van Persie.

Sayonara