Jack Wilshere Resorts To an Exogen Machine and Fabio Hitler Quits His Job
After suffering a hand injury last night, the fingers on my right hand went through a fitness test this morning. It was the kind of fitness test you only see in Utopia and Shangrila. A sexy blonde nurse called me up and told me to sit down on the comfy leather seat. I did that. I had a fantasy fitness test in my crazy mind.
“@aykemoorexxx: Q: Why is it that 90% of girls have their left boob bigger than the right? A: Because 90% of boys are right-handed”.
I expected the lovely voluptuous nurse to tell me to use my fingers on my right hand to feel her left tit to justify @aykemoorexxx’s claims and see if the fingers were fit enough but she gave me 15 pairs of dusty black shoes to polish as if I was an elf. I woke up to realize that the fitness test took place in my dreams.
Jack Andrew Wilshere played a lot of football last season and excelled admirably under the tutelage of Arsene Wenger. He received the coveted PFA Young Player of the Year award and he let his zeal for football and youthful exuberance get the better of him when he declared that he wanted to play for England in the Under-21 European Championships that took place last summer.
Wilshere was in the middle of a mini tug-of-war between his manager and the England hierarchy but Arsenal won the bout and prevented the lad from playing in the tourney. England went to the tournament with the likes of Jordan Henderson and Jack Rodwell but fell by the roadside at some point in the tournament.
Wilshere was warned that he’ll suffer a burnout and some light was thrown to the 2007 Copa America where Gilberto Silva lost his place in the squad because he complained to Wenger that he was fatigued. Mathieu Flamini the Flanimal stepped into Gilberto Silva’s shoes in the midfield and forged a great understanding with Cesc Fabregas.
Flamini played a boatload of matches that season and his body gave up on him in the Spring of 2008 when Arsenal visited Anfield in the Champions League quarter finals. Wilshere was tipped to make a stunning comeback but he suffered a recurrence of the stress fracture in his ankle.
Unlike Abou Diaby that has gone globetrotting to save his injury-plagued career, Jack Wilshere has resorted to an Exogen machine in a bid to fix up his ankle in time to represent manager-less England in this summer’s European Championships. Jack Wilshere made a plea to the machine on Twitter:
An Exogen machine is a non-invasive ultrasound bone healing medical device manufactured by Smith and Nephew and is the only bone healing device proved to accelerate the healing of fractures. It is a self-administered treatment that can be used at home or at work, once daily, for 20 minutes, or as prescribed by a physician.
Footballers have gone through extreme measures such as using horse placentas to nurse injuries so I hope that the Exogen machine would help Jack return to full fitness. Despite the encouraging performance from Tomas Rosicky against Blackburn and the hard work Aaron Ramsey has put all season long, Arsenal’s midfield misses Jack Wilshere dearly.
Here are 10 reasons why.
England 2 Croatia 3
Scott Carson achieved legendary status for the worst possible reason when he truly “justified” Steve McClaren’s decision to select him above the likes of David James and Paul Robinson in England’s crunch Euro 2008 qualifier against Croatia. The manager’s decision to leave David Beckham on the bench was another puzzle as the substitute created a superb assist for Peter Crouch before English hearts where broken by Mladen Petric.
Steve McClaren was rightly sacked for England’s failure to qualify for Euro 2008. After some deliberation in seeking a new manager, names like Jose Mourinho, Marcello Lippi and Martin O’ Neill were mentioned but Fabio Capello got the nod to take England forward. The Italian manager was handed a fat salary with the task of taking England to the 2010 World Cup and Euro 2012 which was duly achieved.
In February 2010, Capello stripped John Terry off the England captaincy following his shagging chronicles with Wayne Bridge’s ex-concubine. In the 2010 World Cup, England put up a poor showing in a group that contained the United States, Slovenia and Algeria but they were ousted from the tournament by the youthful, rampant and efficient German Machines.
In April 2011, England was faced with a friendly against Ghana and a lot of fuss was made about who the captain was going to be so I came up with a suggestion that Fabio Capello should wear the captain’s armband like the Nazi dictator in the picture above.
He could even choose between Adolf Capello or Fabio Hitler. I’ve always searched for a nick for the former English national team boss and I’ve come to a stop. Fabio Hitler.
John Terry was at the back pages every sports tabloid in the tail end of 2011 for his alleged racial abuse hauled at Queens Park Rangers Anton Ferdinand. An investigation took place and a trial was scheduled after the European Championships this summer.
Following the hysteria surrounding the allegations levelled against John Terry, the FA stripped him off the captaincy for the second time in his England career that has spanned for nine years as he made his England debut in June 2003 against Serbia.
This hasn’t gone down well with Fabio Hitler and he has tendered his resignation with immediate effect. The master tactician declared that he’ll leave the beautiful game for good after the European Championships. It’s sad to see how highly honored football talisman called it quits.
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