A Gooner’s Perspective – Episode 1

The Final Kick that won us our last trophy

There are three certain things in life; Death, taxes and England losing in a penalty shoot-out.

Football is a universal language spoken by millions around the globe with certain factions of the lovers of the beautiful game affiliating themselves to a specific team for reasons best known to them. I’ve been an Arsenal fan since the days Merlin was the Chief Wizard of Camelot and this passion is shared by many other individuals here, there and everywhere.

As I would reiterate, opinions are like arseholes, everybody has one. Every Arsenal fan is always entitled to his/her opinion and these views are more than likely to be supported by one and opposed by another.

A Gooner’s perspective will be a series of posts dedicated to airing the views of selected Gooners on certain issues with the club.

Launching these series are four great Gooners that love Arsenal through thick and thin, but if they’re faced at crossroads between watching an Arsenal game and making out with girls, they’ll choose…

It gives me great pleasure to introduce;

@dKingpin: Bobby is a Libra, Gooner and Lover. He’s also a creatively insane fella with a great affinity for Football Manager and girls with *coughs profusely* 😀

@K_Sturna: If Bobby was Castor Troy, Anayo will certainly be Sean Archer but the chances of them having a face off is as slim as Howard Webb growing some hair. However, I wonder what his Twitter bio would’ve been like if he hadn’t watched the Avengers. Apparently, he’s now a genius, billionaire, playboy and philanthropist. Amen to that!

@daviruz: This Trojan Horse…*sneezes*…Virus, Eric,  sure loves his Arsenal and women. He also has his own blog, Movie Reviews, where you can get reviews of your favorite movies from a personal point of view.

@wheelsindk: Wilson is a Gooner by nature, easy going lad and an absolute charmer. I can vouch for the last attribute, which has certainly been a reason why I failed to introduce girls to him in our FUTO days. 😀

Let’s begin, shall we?

Enigma: *steps in*, *sips alomo*

Bobby: Battyman, what’s good?

Enigma: Your fagbon, Battyman!

Anayo: Hey guys

Eric: Wassup utunu

Wilson: *yawns*

Bobby: Oga Willy Willy, why do you want to render bacteria homeless this morning? 😛

Wilson: Bobby, why evils? 🙁

Enigma: Guys, you know why you’re here right?

Anayo: Yes Boss

Bobby: Sure

Wilson: Yezzir

Eric: Life!

Enigma: Aii, let’s get down to business, I’ll ask you guys a series of questions about our dear Arsenal and I’ll like to get your perspective

Eric: Ogbeni, no dey speak plenty English. Start na?

Enigma: *Yimu*

Enigma: Good morning, this is Frank Edoho of Who Wants to be a Millionaire…

Anayo: *brings chain* Enigma, you dun high abi?

Enigma: Just kidding jor. Guys, what was your review of last season?

Eric: Last season had its ups and downs, poor beginning, excellent midway, disappointing towards the end. *sigh*

Wilson: Last season was epic, it made me truly realize how great a coach Arsene Wenger is. We lost key players in the summer but we still finished above Tottenham, Chelsea and Liverpool.

Enigma: Errrrr, Wilson, the last time I checked, Tottenham has always been in our shadow. Was a bit scared though. *cleans sweat from face*

Bobby: Last season was bleeeeeeeh! Started poorly but peaked. We should never start that way. Ever. We met our goals sha (1st place is looking unachievable nowadays).

Anayo:  Last season was quite a good one in my opinion considering the position we found ourselves after the first seven games. So to have finished in third position last season was very good but I felt we could have avoided all that trouble if we had sorted out Fabregas and Nasri’s exit earlier and replaced them with quality players immediately.

Bobby: Ahn ahn, Anayo, everyone has been summarizing theirs. Why must your own be different?

Eric: Looooooooooool

Enigma: Anayo, finally beht why? This no be WAEC essay oh!

Anayo: *shrugs*

Enigma: What were your defining moments last season and how did you feel after the 8-2 loss to Manchester United?

Bobby:  Sp2r5 proved we can’t be below those twats and showed us we can do things. If we had lost that, it would have been the end, Ch3l5a showed our mental strength and how we strong we are. The loss at Old Trafford made us see our deficiencies, I knew we would lose the game but not that much. Jenkinson’s red card changed the game.

Bobby: Guys, brb…I ordered some palm wine.

Enigma: Palmwine this morning? *brings cup on standby*

Eric: Arsenal 5 Tottenham 2. I can never forget that day. Mikel Arteta’s piledriver against Manchester City, I slid with both knees in a pub (we know why…drunk bloke). @Dondeonbeke was there with me. After that loss to Man Utd, I felt like decamping.

Anayo: *hiss* Bobby said everything I had in mind. On the Man Utd game, I felt embarassed but it served as an eye opener for Wenger which made him to delve into the market. I was even grateful to Man United later for the bashing. LOL!

Wilson: Of course, the 5-2 win over Spurs. We overturned a potential 13 point gap to a 10 point lead. Anayo stole the words out of my mouth in regard to the way I felt about the Man Utd spanking.

Enigma: Cool stories guys *yawns*

Enigma: By the way, where’s Bobby?

*Bobby steps back in*

Bobby going local

Enigma: Choi! Nice one boss! *pours palm wine inside cup*

Enigma: Ehen, what’s your take on our mysterious injuries, poor form in January and that tactical error by Wenger when he removed the Ox for Andrey Arshavin?

Eric: Seriously its either the training is too rigorous, the physio team is not doing their job properly or bad luck. Our form in January was terrible, terrible, terrible, terrible…

Wilson: Eric, we’ve heard you! Our form was terrible shikenah. Saying the word more times will not change the price of beans in the market. I felt that if we had won some games in January, we might have ended up in 2nd place.

Bobby: Second place? I can see that you’re getting high on this palm wine.

Anayo: I can’t understand why we are so injury prone. I don’t believe that it has anything to do with our physios though.

Enigma: Guys, what about the Arshavin for Ox substitution?

Anayo: I was shocked! I was still looking for an excuse for Wenger in my mind to try and justify the reason for taking off the Ox, but up till now i still dont know why he did that. *drinks palm wine*

Eric: Terrible decision made by Le Boss. That was one sub he should never had made… Was furious with him that day.

Wilson: That was a totally wrong call by wenger and gamble that turned around to haunt us

Bobby: It was necessary. Ox needed to be eased into the game. Arshavin probably didn’t take his chance. Lazy mo’fo.

Enigma: Bobby, you’re a fucking AKB (Arsene Knows Best) sha. Everybody felt that Wenger messed up with that substitution.

Bobby: Your father, no more palm wine for you!

Enigma: 🙁

Enigma: How did our Gunners fare in Euro 2012?

Eric: Szczesny messed up by picking up a red card, RvP put up an average outing, the world’s greatest striker ever did well (maybe too well with the Paddypower incident), Walcott tried, Kos the Boss showed why is called the Boss.

Anayo: Below average at best. It was quite a woeful outing for them. Apart from NB52 and AA23, no other person really impressed me.

Bobby: The Gunners we want out of the club played well. Not so can be said of those we want to keep. Worldbest is Messi for Denmark. RVP was too eager. That’s why he fucked up. Ox and Theo did well. Szczesny was unlucky. Kos did well in his only game.

Wilson: A collectively average performance with the exception of Bendtner, Arshavin and Rosicky. Walcott did well to get a goal and an assist.

Enigma: This is the spicy part. What do you think about our new signings, who do you want to come in and who should leave the club?

Anayo: I am optimistic, they are good additions to the squad. I expect them to set the ball rolling immediately. They both have qualities that would help them thrive in the Premier League. I also expect more signings though. I want Chamakh, Bendtner, Vela, Squillaci, Diaby, Ramsey (loan), Arshavin, Denilson OUT and M’Vila, Goetze, Muniain and Dzeko/Cavani if RVP leaves.

Bobby: Anayo, Enigma didn’t ask you to tell us what you dreamt about last night.

Enigma: Hehehehee

Eric: Podolski is a top notch signing…. 100 caps under his belt plus a dreaded left leg, 9/10. Giroud, well I don’t watch the French Ligue 1 but with the report scouts, journalist and yours truly @enigma106 has been feeding me, seems like another wonderful piece of business 7.5/10.

Eric: RVP (with his recent behaviour but if he changes his mind he can stay) – Out; Cavani or Doumbia – IN, Denilson – Out; Ganso – IN, Squillaci – OUT! OUT!! OUT!!!, Vela – partly want him to go, Bendtner – can stay and kiss the bench or go if he wants, Park – Sorry but you gotta go, M’Vila – Please get him boss

Enigma: “with the report scouts, journalist and yours truly @enigma106 has been feeding me” *forms Voltron*

Wilson: They are decent signings that wud add bouts of experience to our squad especially in the attacking unit of our team. In- M’Villa, a right back, and AM (Jovetic) or a CF (Villa/Lewandowski). Out- Squillaci, NB52, Almunia, Denilson, Diaby, Chamakh, Djourou, Arshavin.

Bobby: New signings = perfect. Giroud gives us a different option. Poldi is AA’s replacement.  Come in = Any bloody DM that can sit. As in really sit and cover the defence. Not roam. Giving us a different option. Maybe a GK that can act as a cover for Szczesny and to push him also.

Enigma: What’s your take on our rivals and what are your expectations for the forthcoming season?

Eric: Man Shitty still beneath us, Chelshit is vulnerable to us, Tottenshit will forever be in our shadow but we need to seriously do something about the Red Devils.

Wilson: They are going to stage a strong contest for the title with the exception of Man Utd. I expect the Gunners to mount a strong challenge from the start for the title and I have a feeling that we may be crowned champions come may next year.

Bobby: We’ll be back. As in back back. We just need to believe a little in ourselves and stop all the bad press we give ourselves. We are our own enemies. You can see it in our group. Doom sayers. Pessimistic bunch. No faith.

Anayo: They are trying to get even better by signing quality players which tells you that next seasons competition is going to be more competitive. My expectations still remains the same like in every other season which is to finish in the top four. I think that’s a very realistic expectation.

Enigma: Finally guys, what do you think about Gooner Daily? *ties blindfold, wears headphones and increases the music*

Enigma: Disclaimer, please don’t make my head swell utunu 😀

Eric: Gooner Daily is a wonderful concept and I am proud to associate myself with the idea and the dream. Keep the flag flying ashana as i got your back bro.

Enigma: Oshe

Wilson: Gooner Daily has made me not to read other Arsenal blogs because of the creativity of the blogger. Humorous articles without loss of content, a gifted blogger and a friend. KUDOS man.

Enigma: Daalu

Anayo: Gooner Daily is like a family, it keeps getting better and bigger and it’s only a matter of time before it becomes a global blog. It’s a fantastic blog with a fantastic blogger (Enigma). I only hope for the best for Gooner Daily, Tony Okike more power to your elbow.

Enigma: *In DJ Khaled’s voice* We Global 😀

Bobby: On our Arsenal BlackBerry group, Team Gooner Daily, you already know what I think. We started this perfectly good chaos. Lol. Cracks me up. Go there anytime you are down and see your soul lifted faster than the skirts of a whore. Fucking perverts they all are.

Enigma: *In Pete Edochie’s voice* You don’t mean it!

Enigma: I’ll like to say a big thank you to Bobby, Anayo, Eric and Wilson for taking part in the first instalment of a Gooner’s perspective. Thanks for sharing your various opinions on the club after our heart, Arsenal.

I hope you’ve enjoyed today’s bit.

Shout out to the folks in my Arsenal BlackBerry group, Team Gooner Daily.


You can follow Gooner Daily on Twitter  @goonerdaily. I’ll follow back

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About enigma106

An Arsenal fan with a good sense of humor

Posted on July 11, 2012, in Arsenal, Fanzone, Football, Premier League, Transfer Gossip and tagged , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 6 Comments.

  1. Rather refreshing way to do a blog post. As a gooner, I’m cautiously optimistic about the new season…we’re still 2-3 buys away from having a team that will properly challenge for titles. For me, RVP has to go. He’s made his position at the club untenable. I’d like to see another CF come in, maybe a DM and then a RB. Possibly an older/more experienced keeper brought in to keep our number 1 on his toes. If the money is available, a CAM won’t be a bad idea…of course, we have NO chance of getting goetze. There are functional/cheaper alternatives. M’Villa should be a priority…let Song have some competition. All in all, I think we’re slowly moving in the right direction. COYG!!!

  2. Hahahahhaha Enig you’re truely enigmatic. On point jor

  3. Wow. I’ve been ff dis blog for a while now didn’t have any idea is was a Nigerian owned. This i so Fantasticbolus. Kudos to you guys. U need to see how happy i am.

  1. Pingback: A Gooner’s Perspective – Episode 2 « Gooner Daily

  2. Pingback: A Gooner’s Perspective V: Arsenal’s Striking Options and Link with Loic Remy | Gooner Daily

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