Stoke City Proves that Tottenham Hotspurs are Shit

Spurs' Vlad Chiriches (left) leaves the field after being shown a red cad by referee Mark Clattenburg (second right)

With no Arsenal football on Saturday and nowhere to go, I decided to sit my ass at home and watch all the Premier League games while drinking my favorite elixir of Orijinality, Orijin. You guys need to try blending the Orijin drink with Orijin Bitters. #Bliss

At this point of the season where the League champions have been confirmed, the interesting part of the division is the relegation dog fight as teams at the bottom start putting up championship-winning performances in their bid to stay afloat. Sunderland put up a resilient performance against Everton but their goals came from two fortuitous efforts from Danny Graham and Jermaine Defoe to win at Goodison Park. While I have no issues with the Graham deflected effort, I feel Everton will be hard done by Defoe’s goal because he guided the ball in with his hand after it bounced off his thigh.

With the plethora of 3.00pm fixtures all up in my face and of course, SuperSport doing their own bit to show me some of the games on HD, I chose to watch the Stoke vs Tottenham game, and boy was I entertained. From the start of the game to the very end, Stoke bossed the proceedings and the final result ended whatever hopes those Spurs fans had of Champions League football. Their team is shit and that competition is for Europe’s elite, not poo poo.

The opening goal was scored by the man on form, Charlie Adam. Not an audacious strike from his half a la Chelsea or some belter from 30 yards. It was a well-guided header that he executed neatly after Jan Vertonghen deemed it fit to gift him the ball from a Mame Diouf cross. The Spurs shitfest continued as Eric Dier and Hugo Lloris got in each other’s way with Steven N’Zonzi capitalizing on their confusion to make it two goals to the good for the home side.

I tried to imagine Mauricio Pochettino’s team talk at half time. I’m sure he said something like this,

Guys, I’m your manager and I know you’re shit but you don’t need to remind me and the rest of the world, especially those St. Totteringham’s day celebrating Arsenal fans that you’re shit. Can you go out there and try not to be shit?


The second half began and the shitfest continued in earnest as Vlad the Impaler Chiriches tried to swap jerseys with Miram Diouf and he received his marching orders. Pochettino in all his tactical wisdom responded by bringing on another shit forward, Roberto Soldado, for that Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s looks wannabe, Nacer Chadli. Chadli must have been watching many clips of Ibrahimovic and felt that if he does his hair like the Swedish legendary forward, some Viking god would bestow some Zlatanic skills on him, or something. Poo poo.

The game was put beyond doubt when Diouf got the goal his game deserved from the near post and Lloris must have been disappointed to be beaten from that tight angle. At 3-0, the game was obviously beyond doubt and Tottenham’s European dreams were dealt another severe blow…Like I actually give an ounce of a shit.

Here’s a football for thought for those shitty Tottenham fans. Under Twitchy Ol’ ‘Arry Redknapp, the Spurs gained their highest finish in recent times with a fourth place finish. He was replaced by Andre Villas-Boas that guided them to a fifth place finish, who was now replaced by Tim Sherwood that finished sixth. Now Pochettino might finish in seventh but with Southampton playing like wankers, the Argentine manager might just match his predecessors finishing position.

Enough about these shitty folks for one day.


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About enigma106

An Arsenal fan with a good sense of humor

Posted on May 10, 2015, in Football, Match Report, Premier League and tagged , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Funcy Arsenal

    You are so good boy. You have an amazing style of writing. Spurs aren’t just worth it really. I love the flow and outlay of your writing. Bravo.

  2. Wow!!, there goes another interesting post, I think what Spurs need is a decent experienced manager, not all this mediocre one’s they’re getting. But who cares anyway.

    I’ve been a reader of your blog for some time and I can only say you’re doing a great job. I also started my Arsenal blog few weeks ago and I hope you can check it out and hopefully give me some tips and more inspiration. its

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